It's Hard to be a Gen Z er with TMS

I feel like things are harder then they need to be.

My symptoms have taken so much from me: missed chances to make more friends, energy to explore more opportunities, speed and ease of learning, sense of humor and purpose, a sense of confidence and security.

I'm gifted and sensitive. I'm an introvert and probably neurodivergent. I'm a minority, female, etc. I'm getting through college but it's hard to feel satisfied. It would cost tons of time and money to look for a therapist or support group for every thing that makes me different or unique. Identity politics makes this worse. I hate how it tries to sympathize with the vulnerable and only makes them feel more incapable.

Chronic symptoms are especially bad because they could isolate you socially, then they can be a financial liability (both employment and specialists). It's tiring having to get documentation and spend my free time catching up on errands and working on getting accommodations.

I'm literally becoming the helpless snowflake I did everything I can not to become despite having a good academic and socieconomic background. I've healed from previous trauma. Now I'm constantly anxious about my health, my mental health, the economy and politics. Life is so fragile, but I can't give up. I hate having to accept that life isn't perfect and that I have to set limits.

I've always dreamed of being a creative/tech/VC/innovator. I want to change the world in my own small way and have financial well-being. I grew up being told I could do anything I am interested in. And now my own body won't even let me. It's hard for me to interact with people and I'm glad when I have a good social battery on some days. I feel like I don't really fit in to any mainstream culture, whether individualistic office culture or progressive reform culture.

Hoping for progressive reform is frustrating. But just working on fixing myself isn't enough. There's always more problems to deal with. It's funny, because when I was a kid, I never gave a second thought to impostor syndrome, politics, or climate change, I was happy and healthy.

How do I create a successful meaningful and useful life out of college if I can't even get my health together? Adulting is way harder than it needs to be because of overly processed food, media, politics, and bureaucracy. I'm getting along with people well enough that I'm coasting somewhat.

I just want to be someone I'm proud of and have great health and finances. I love my family, am grateful for their support, and want to make them proud.

 

Sweetheart, be proud of yourself for writing this post; it’s honest, insightful and beautiful in its vulnerability. I’ve read many of your comments on the forum and have noticed how gentle and supportive you are of others. There comes a time in our healing where we need to feel that same love and compassion for ourselves. For many of us that’s something of a work in progress, a bit like adulting. Truth be told you’ll find many, many adults long for the carefree happy days of childhood and youth. And like you, I was also a happy and healthy child, utterly Type B and untouchable. I was unashamedly bohemian, artistic and sensual.

Things truly fell apart when I was in my late teens/early twenties and our family home was repossessed after years of very hard times. One week after moving into a new house I developed thrush and the next seven years of my life were blighted by an endless fight to overcome Candida. I remember the futility and desperation of those years. I know how it feels to have a body that feels pitched against you. This was before the internet and long before I learned about TMS. We know so much more now and healings happen every single day. Yours will come too. Alan Gordon reminds us to “Trust the Process” and this is such an important touchstone.

The main thing I would say to you is that you’re not broken and you don’t need to engage with the victim hood that many support groups engender. Instead invest your time and spirit in celebrating all that you are. Find role models, especially strong and wise women who empower and inspire you. Read poetry not politics. Nurture your soul, your creativity and whatever makes you feel like yourself. Spend time in nature. In fact I heard a wise woman say for every hour you spend online, you ought spend two outdoors.

I turned fifty last year and I recall something my mum has long told me: you always feel like you, it’s just that the person you see reflected back in the mirror ages. I have found this to be true. It does well to nurture a beautiful relationship with yourself and shine. And remember that so much of the world is financially and emotionally invested in generating and maintaining a dysmorphic relationship with our bodies and minds. You do have the power to disconnect from that even though you may not feel it right now.

One of the most powerful sayings you will ever learn is “This Too Shall Pass”. And so it will.

Keep your face to the Sun, trust in the wisdom of the Moon, and keep shining.

love,

plum x

 

You’re already 100% whole and complete. What you truly are has zero to do with your post. Someone/society has convinced you that these achievements are needed so you can have an image of yourself as great, as viewed by them. Let go. You’d still be you living in a remote cave with no possessions, and you could be happy. Stop letting others convince you that’s not true. Your life doesn’t have to be anything in particular. There’s nobody to impress, especially not yourself. Relax.