Hi all-it is so nice to know that I can come to this forum and communicate with people that understand my story. I think I had been waiting to post something when I finished the program so that I could say, "I'm cured!" As I look back over the past few months and the amazing strides I have made, it looks as though that might be the case. Analyzing it this way through lens of measurable before and after are apart of my old pattern MO though and what I guess I've learned from an emotional standpoint during the program is how important unconditional love for myself is--no matter my status. Not just thinking or saying I accept myself just as I am in this moment but acting that way--living into that notion. For me, this adds a layer of compassion to the TMS protocol of confront the emotions, ignore the pain, and RESUME NORMAL ACTIVITY! Those 10 little words truly have changed my life. Prior to finding Dr. Sarno and the wiki, I understood that I somatized my emotion and that it was possible to make subconscious change in theory, but this program gave me the tools to apply that knowledge. I'll never forget the day that I read those 10 words the first time. The question to ponder that day was "When is the last time you exercised and if you haven't why?" For those of you that don't know, i was diagnosed with RA about 10 years ago. I realized that day that I was waiting for my body to feel perfect before trying to exercise. I thought, "if I can walk to the bathroom, I can walk on the treadmill. What am I scared of? that I won't be able to walk back up the stairs? that my knees will break?" I have a treadmill and stationary bike that hadn't been used for 7 years. I am pretty sure that I read Alan Gordon's article on Breaking the Pain Cycle that day which really struck a chord. Anyway I got on and walked--just for a couple of minutes. No old pattern self judgement about the speed or duration, just walked--and I felt a touch of joy in that moment. I got on the bike that day too and peddled a few revolutions and low and behold nothing broke and I walked back up the stairs just fine! Since that day in January I have walked on the treadmill and biked almost daily, and am stretching and bending on the ground afterward. I even bought an outdoor bike and have ridden around the neighborhood. I hadn't even gotten down on the ground prior to all of this for about 7 years. My discomfort isn't gone but whenever it arises now, I remind myself how far I've come, how there is nothing wrong with my joints, it's just oxygen deprivation in the tissues surrounding that area and that my unconscious mind is just trying to keep a foothold. I understand now how the discomfort can just fade to background noise, how it's all about what I put my awareness on. And I understand how intimately tied all of this is to emotion. I am starting to relax into this new found life of less fear. I realized through all of the emotional work that I have literally been holding my breath for most of my life so of course there was tension in my body. Enough that my immune system decided to slow me down so much that I would have to listen. I have been living in such terror that I ended up at 98 lbs and my menstrual cycle became irregular. Interestingly as I resting in the peace that the program brought me, I have begun to gain weight again and my cycles have regulated--oh the power of the mind! So you may be thinking--what a great success story, and I would agree except for one aspect of my story that I haven't shared. I guess because it seems so complicated, but I know in my heart it is TMS related. I started therapy about five years ago to help me deal with the fear of the RA. In therapy we unpacked years of unresolved emotional trauma which resulted in an eating disorder in my teens and 20's. Part of the childhood stuff involved my parents outward disapproval of my weight and dietary restrictions. From what I've been told, the eating disorder was all very textbook--looking control, looking to soothe the pain of loneliness with food after my parents divorced and as I got older anorexia morphed into a compulsive overeating disorder. Even though I would have told you that I didn't have the disorder anymore at 30 I never resolved the issues underlying it and was walking around as an angry 17 year old in an adult female body--hardly capable of loving myself let alone my husband or children. Anyway, since I couldn't take any of the usually prescribed drugs for RA due to some immune issues prior to the diagnosis (which I now understand were TMS thanks to Steve Ozanich's book) I started to look elsewhere for answers. Make a long story shorter, I had a bunch of food sensitivity tests done which showed that I was sensitive to everything that I was eating except 9 vegetables which they said I could eat on a 3 day rotation. This instilled even a greater amount of terror in me. I was supposed to gradually add back foods over time. That was 6 years ago and I have added 40 or so foods back as well as some vital nutrients that I had become deficient in. I eventually dropped the food rotation as well as I knew my body wanted me to started to live more flexibly, that this was a journey about less control and fear and more unconditional love and joy all the way around. That brings us to today. There are numerous very common foods that whenever I try to add them back to diet, result in an arthritis flare. Interestingly they are all the foods that either my parents said, "You can't have...because you're too heavy" or foods that i binged during the eating disorder year. I am certain that my unconscious mind is still trying to protect me from these scenarios. I know this to be true because I have recently added enough foods to eat out with my family. Because of my fear of moving basically and the whole food thing, I went about 7 years without eating out--all of this of course has left residual emotional effects on my kids. Anyway, I have found out after the fact that I have eaten things in those restaurants that I didn't "believe i could have" and there was no negative effect on my body. I know when I read , RESUME NORMAL ACTIVITY, that for me it means eating normally too. I have started to work with EMDR on this situation and hypnosis. I wondered if anyone here has any insights on this. Dr. Joe Dispenza's book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself and the corresponding meditations have been helpful for me. He has a new book coming out in a few weeks called You are the Placebo, Making Your Mind Matter. I'm hoping to find some more answers there as well. Thank you for this site and for all of the support the past few months. I am so very blessed.