Is this really TMS?

About me: Female, 23, fit the TMS personality to a T.

August 2018 - had cosmetic dermal fillers in my nose (non-surgical rhinoplasty). was fine for 4/5 days and then developed severe aching/stabbing/nerve-like pain for 4-5 weeks. Panicked that it was TN but as soon as I accepted it would go away eventually, it did.

Sept 2018-July 2019 - completely pain free

August 2019 - present. After being pain free for one year (with other minor complaints like tinnitus), pain comes back with no trigger (Except for going back to university again, like a year earlier) and it's worse. I'm still suffering currently. Had it dissolved 6 months ago but there's still some filler (hyaluronic acid) remaining (turns out they don't actually dissolve on their own, only migrate, and the dissolving enzyme has potential complications - ugh talk about feeling trapped).

Pain now is confined to one side of my nose, but sometimes switches for a couple of seconds. It feels like a deep ache, sometimes sharp, almost like it's infected, but I've been on multiple courses of antibiotics and no change. It also sometimes only lasts 24hrs and vanishes, or it can last days/weeks. Sometimes the area swells, as it changes in appearance (I have two visible bones on my nose bridge which sometimes I can't see or they look more/less prominent). Plastic surgeon assures me he's never seen anything like this - can't find anyone in the same position as me online.

Dan Buglio and Howard Schubiner. both told me they thought it was TMS, as did Georgie O from SIRPA.

I just can't get to this place of indifference when (1) The area is swelling (2) I have no concrete proof that this isn't caused by the fillers (3) there's so much people don't know about these fillers and so this *could* be something new (4) I can't know for certain if its swelling or if it just "Feels" swollen or if there's even any filler left in the area (as the MRI requires contrast and I'm not injecting myself with anything else).

I feel like I'm so stuck, and no amount of meditation or positive affirmations can help me get past the very real fear that something is on-going and wrong.

There is evidence for TMS: I fit the personality traits, had it "confirmed" by a few different doctors/therapists, neurologist thinks its neural pathway pain, can't find anyone else with this chronic pain (apart from a few who had the trigeminal nerve directly damaged with the injection needle, but this didn't happen to me), the pain changes, the pain went away for a whole year, even if it is infected the nervous and immune system are basically one and the same - and it didn't get infected for a whole year and then suddenly started to which is strange, I've experienced symptom imperative - neuropathic pain in hands and feet, migraines, allodynia down my back (this only lasted 5 days) and under my chin (where I also had filler and had it dissolved) - this lasts much longer when it flares up, excruciating sharp rectum pain, tremors, tinnitus, visual snow, pure OCD intrusive thoughts, dizziness, anxiety, depression, pulsing face....

Any insight or ideas very much welcomed. How do I get past this fear without any way of obtaining real proof?

 

The symptoms you described are clearly TMS. It looks like your nervous system is overstressed and can't cope with the pressure. Have you tried meditation and mindfulness approach? Also, I highly recommend Dr. Claire Weekes' books and audio for anxiety.

 

It's definitely TMS. The evidence here is miles long. On top of that, you received the golden stamp of confirmation from Dr. Schubiner. Everything physical has been ruled out so it's time to rule in TMS...the emotions and the anxiety. When you had fillers injected into your nose there was already a lot of worry and fear swirling around that since it had to do with your appearance (insecurity about our appearance is an emotionally charged one). I would imagine that you were not in a great emotional state when you went into that cosmetic tweaking (maybe the practitioner seemed shady, maybe you were worried about a botched result, maybe it was not financially sound...I'm just throwing out ideas). You were already trying to control your appearance in some way, which could indicate that, that in itself was a distraction from real issues. The array of other symptoms you describe all point to TMS...in terms of sheer number (the more stuff you have the more likely it's TMS) and in terms of your preoccupation. When you look at the onset of symptoms, can you link emotions or stressors to that period in your life ? If not, personality traits are enough to trigger TMS. You already have the proof. Stop looking. It's a trap. Stop looking for reasons to disprove the TMS. It's like arguing for proof whether the sky is blue. Dan actually did a video on this topic today so check that out.

 

I concur with everyone else on this that it is TMS. This is good news. Get to work on feeling safe. Let the reassurance from so many knowledgeable people soak in and make the decision to accept your brain is the cause of your symptoms. Your body is fine. Redirect your focus to what is going on in your life and what emotions you may be ignoring or sending away. Have you done the free Structured Educational program on here? It is very good for identifying issues in your life that may be driving all of this.

 

Hi! Thanks for replying. Yes, I've been working with Curable and a TMS coach but I'm still struggling with accepting the uncertainty - mainly because I have so much altered sensation in my face where the fillers were placed and no way of knowing (without expensive scans which potentially could show something) how much of the product is left in my face. The idea that my face is always going to feel this way can be so overwhelming. I have long episodes of being pain free (the past four weeks for example have been mainly ok, with some bad days) but the feelings of uncomfortable pressure can often linger in the background and obviously worsen when I become fixated on them. It's just this sense of dread that comes over me that I've ruined myself.

 

Hi! Thanks for this Everything you've said is absolutely true. I was definitely nervous when having it done and the subsequent visits to his office to have it dissolved were also pretty traumatic for me. I was going back to university at the time for my final year, so it was stressful, and I think going back for my MA the following September was the trigger. I just hate that I can still feel some of it in my face and new research shows that filler just migrates and doesn't actually dissolve by itself, it's all so worrying. I go round and around thinking maybe I need to go back to him and have another round of the dissolving agent, but I need to have expensive scans done to see where it is and agh. It's overwhelming.

 

Thanks Yes I have gone through it but not with any kind of commitment. I think my depression/anxiety really hinder me from being consistent with things.

 

This above is your problem, much more than the leftover product in your face. Catastrophic thinking is what gets us, TMS-ers, in the place where we are. If instead you fixate on those brief moments when you DON'T have any uncomfortable feelings, you will eventually have those moments last longer and longer. Turn your obsession in the positive direction, and you will get better! I went through a very similar experience myself - and I am now pain free and happier than ever!

 

I know and I can absolutely see that from a rational perspective. There's just so much to worry over. I even worry that the dissolving agent (that I had 9 months ago) is still dissolving parts of my face. There are so many horror stories online about them dissolving your natural tissue and I constantly obsess over old pictures of myself to see if there's a difference - which I think there is. Agh. But - I really like the idea of turning my obsessive nature towards the positive, I will keep that in mind. Thank you