Introduction: long-time IBS/fatigue sufferer and addict finally found TMS

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ibs-rage

Newcomer
Hello! I just finished reading The Mindbody Prescription this afternoon. The idea that my symptoms are distractions from my repressed rage has changed how I approach my struggles overnight. I wanted to get connected with this community to learn more and stay in touch with the cure.

Here's my story.

The bad part:
I've had various aches and pains for a long time, but by far my biggest struggle has been irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). When I was a child I had constipation and severe unexplained lower abdominal pain, which at some point went into remission. I've always been a perfectionist, a goodist, and an overachiever.

I'm in my late twenties now. Five and half years ago, I noticed those feelings again and began to suspect that they were the root cause of some addictive behaviors I was struggling with. I decided I needed to heal from my abdominal pain in order to heal my addiction. It got much, much worse over the following few months; most days, after dinner, I was in so much pain and so fatigued that I could only lie on my bed and take an "IBS nap" for three hours. It stayed about that bad or a little better for five years until about eight months ago. That time of my life also featured a traumatic relationship, isolating work for a graduate program that didn't excite me, and life in a challenging group house in a city that I didn't want to be in.

Doctor appointments, tests, an endoscopy, and a colonoscopy showed nothing. I tried various dietary changes, from eating more fiber and drinking more water to eliminating single triggers like gluten-containing grains, and nothing worked. I routinely felt broken and worried about what kind of life would be possible for me with this disease.

The somewhat better part:
In the past 4 to 8 months, I switched to a much easier, higher-paying job and moved back to a place where I do want to be. I also started doing the low-FODMAP diet, which removes the most common "trigger foods" from my diet to determine which ones trigger me specifically. (For me, they all do.) Today I'm working part-time for myself so that I can cook all of my own meals, which I enjoy. I hardly worry about IBS today, although I'm missing eating many foods, eating out, and sharing food with others. I also struggle in my career and feel limited in my career choices because I need to plan my schedule around cooking.

Finding the cure:
I've also been working a twelve-step program (like Alcoholics Anonymous) for my addiction. Several of the Steps look remarkably similar to Dr. Sarno's cure for TMS. For example, the Fourth Step suggests that I make an inventory of my resentments (anger/blame/grudges), among other things, and the Tenth and Eleventh Steps suggest that I maintain a daily reflective/meditative practice. I've been struggling with urges lately because the need feels so real, and strangely enough it was Dr. Sarno's book that helped me see that the very real need the urges serve is to distract me from a rage I've always carried around with me but have never been able to feel. I realized to my utter astonishment that all sorts of behaviors I have are actually deceptive, not just pleasurable ones but things like catastrophizing, beating myself up emotionally, people-pleasing, and of course pitying myself for being fatigued and in pain. Today, as I recognize the deception, I'm able to set boundaries around those behaviors, stay in the present, and let the rage come up as it will. My boundaries feel a bit harsh right now; I'm hoping to make compassionate boundaries more automatic with time.

I've been trying out the same thing with little aches and pains today with good results. Once it's more habitual and I'm more accustomed to the feeling of rage, I'm excited to try reintroducing trigger foods and seeing what happens—like a back pain sufferer might reintroduce exercise.

I'm encouraged to see a lot of success stories here by people who had IBS. Feel free to reach out if you're interested in sharing experiences and offering feedback.
 
Dear ibs-rage,

Welcome to the Wiki and Forum!

I'm happy you're finding so much truth for yourself in Dr. Sarno's work.

ibs-rage said:
I've been struggling with urges lately because the need feels so real, and strangely enough it was Dr. Sarno's book that helped me see that the very real need the urges serve is to distract me from a rage I've always carried around with me but have never been able to feel. I realized to my utter astonishment that all sorts of behaviors I have are actually deceptive, not just pleasurable ones but things like catastrophizing, beating myself up emotionally, people-pleasing, and of course pitying myself for being fatigued and in pain. Today, as I recognize the deception, I'm able to set boundaries around those behaviors, stay in the present, and let the rage come up as it will
Click to expand...

To me, this passage is a remarkable demonstration of your understanding. There is something very simple and true if I look at my emotional pangs ---at least the most repetitive and familiar ones, that there is a lot of 'distraction' going on. Then I have to have the courage to ask myself what is it that I don't want to feel in this moment. This view is very helpful for me, and I'm glad you're cutting so deeply to the core of this approach.

Probably key in your IBS work is looking with fears of certain foods, and the "expectation" that this or that food will make symptoms happen (based on past experience). I suggest you allow yourself to be surprised when you're not having a symptom when you expected it, based on something you ate. This moment will come, no doubt, and with it, a new understanding...

I think that fear may have a deeper basis in digestion stuff than other symptoms as well ---just a feeling about this... You might inquire into what fears don't want to be felt.

Andy
 
Thanks Andy. If understanding my pain is the key to feeling better, I suppose we'll see soon enough if I understand!

I wanted to add that my new opinion today is that while the effect of my pain is to distract me from my emotions, I'm not sure there's a need to ascribe intent the way Dr. Sarno does. It may be that the pain is an unconscious attempt to express the emotions, which my conscious mind misunderstands. On a practical level, I find myself spiraling less into anger at myself when I step back from assuming that intent. But clearly I'm pretty new to this, so we'll see what ends up working for me.

Andy Bayliss said:
Probably key in your IBS work is looking with fears of certain foods, and the "expectation" that this or that food will make symptoms happen (based on past experience). I suggest you allow yourself to be surprised when you're not having a symptom when you expected it, based on something you ate. This moment will come, no doubt, and with it, a new understanding...
Click to expand...

We'll see. I spent five years guessing mostly incorrectly what my trigger foods were, so in my case I suspect it's not fear of specific foods that drives the cycle. I think it's fear of certain "normal abnormal" digestive sensations like fluid buildup, gas, and contractions, and my trigger foods happen to cause more of that.

Andy Bayliss said:
I think that fear may have a deeper basis in digestion stuff than other symptoms as well ---just a feeling about this... You might inquire into what fears don't want to be felt.
Click to expand...

Interesting. Soon! I'm almost done with the resentments table of my Fourth Step inventory, and the next one is fears.
 
Awesome introduction, @ibs-rage, and welcome!

ibs-rage said:
On a practical level, I find myself spiraling less into anger at myself when I step back from assuming that intent.
Click to expand...
I expect that forgiveness is part of your addiction program, so I'll just point out that self-forgiveness in our work is HUGE. The way I think about it is that in order to recover from your physical symptoms, you need to love yourself enough that you know you deserve to heal.

Please keep posting!

~Jan
 
I mostly keep an eye on the page for "All Recent Threads" and scan the most recent threads. You can also go directly to the Support subforum to see the most recent threads from those seeking help, or the Success Stories subforum to get inspired.

I'm going to take this opportunity to advise you and other users that you should always check the original date stamp of a thread before automatically responding. Being aware of when the thread was started is a useful way to not get caught up in an old conversation that might have inadvertently been resurrected. Threads are often resurrected by spammers just keyword-searching for certain topics. I've seen legitimate users respond to these posts simply because they appear in the "Recents" page, which is a sad waste of their time and energy.

The key to identifying a spam post is that it seems kind of "off". The language is not in line with TMS theory, and there is usually something about seeking alternative treatments. If the post is on a thread that has not seen recent activity, that's even more of a clue. The spammer might put in a link right away, which makes it obvious, and it's easy to report it (the Report link is at the bottom of every post. However, for reasons that I have yet to figure out, they will not always insert their link - instead they often come back later and edit their post to insert the link, which is weird, because doing this does not move the thread to the top of the "Recents" page. But I'm not a spammer, and therefore have no idea what on earth is going on in their brains!
 
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