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Day 13 Intense

Lilibet

Lilibet

Peer Supporter
Yesterday was Day 13, and my journaling ended up being very intense. I've been pretty depressed, despite summer sunshine, and it all crashed in on me as I journaled. It was a horrible meltdown with a lot of anger at myself. But even in the midst of the worst of it, I thought, "This is just more TMS. It's coming out as depression and it's trying to scare me and derail me from looking at deep stuff." So I turned to some comforting reading that calmed me and helped me feel compassion for myself.

Today, I feel much better emotionally. Even though I had some bad pain this morning, I gently kept going, it passed, and I had a good day. This evening I actually wanted to take a walk! It's still 90 degrees at 8:30, so I guess I'll just walk around my air conditioned house. :-)

Today, day 14, was supposed to be a day off "me day", but I didn't get to do that, so I will give myself tomorrow instead.
 
I've had moments like this too - where the stress and anger all come out and leave you feeling so debilitated. I was also then getting more angry/angsty at myself for putting myself in this position in the first place! But I think you are right in just feel it, let it go and then do something soothing and positive. Its like rewarding yourself for good behaviour! Keep with it...
 
Thanks for both of your replies, Jo (is that right?). I like that rather alien concept of "rewarding yourself for good behavior." I think I have spent a lot of my life depriving myself or even punishing myself. It's time to be nurturing.

I love Ace's list and printed it a couple of weeks ago when I discovered it on TMS Help. It's good to keep mentioning it so newcomers will see it. I wish it could be permanent part of the Wiki (Forest?).
 
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