Inferiority Complex - This is so Painful

[Explorer]

So yesterday was a great day as I mentioned. Today even thuogh I don't have that much fibro-like physical pain, I have, a good deal of emotional pain.

Last night, before going to bed, I reached into my subconsious and thought, what is this all about? Why did this fibro diagnosis scare you so much. I say fibro and three docs have not been able to say with certaintly that's what is is. One said no way, the other said, its a pain syndrome but not fibro and the other said fibro-like symptoms.

What I realized is that one of my battles is inferiority. I suffered from it all my life and there is so much anger there it's unbelievable! Even though I have a great family, kids, successful career, every day it's a battle to believe I am good enough.

And so what did this diagnosis of fibro do, well it made me feel that much more inferior. My life would be restricted, I'd have to give up my great job, who knows what would happen to my body, an avid exerciser, now limited to just walking. My kids would feel sorry for me. Augh even the though of it makes me so anxious.

So I am going to go off and spend some time thinking about this and crying some too. It's been a week since I've found TMS and I haven't cried since. But the cryinig earlier was related to depression and fear of what my life would be like in pain. But I think addressing these emotions is really harder.

I do feel like I am on a slippery slop. I don't have much pain today at all, but what do you do when you meet these emotions in the middle and can't tell if it's fear, emotional pain?

Feeling a little lost.....

Susan

 

[Lori]

Hi Susan. The role of the physical issues is to keep us from addressing or feeling the painful emotions. I can understand that being told I had fibro would create fear of what life would be like with the current definition and symptoms of fibro.

Some ideas if you'd like: How about addressing the emotions (the anger?)? Write about it? If emotions are there and accessible, I would be writing to get them out of me. Perhaps write letters (to mail or not) to those whom you'd like to tell something? Where does the feeling of not being good enough come from? A parent? Sibling? Teacher--someone else in authority? That could be explored as well.

I can tell you I also spent time crying as feelings came up for me. It's a form of release--not a bad thing!

This is a journey. . .

 

[Explorer]

Lori:

Thanks for the response, this is a jouney. Today the unconsious is pushing back with more pain, acid reflux and headaches. I can't remember the last time I had reflux.

I do plan on journaling today. There are a few things and people that bring up anger and repressed emotion.

I will actaully be make a list of folks who contributed to the inferiority I feel.

Thanks again,
Susan

 

[Lala]

So yesterday was a great day as I mentioned. Today even thuogh I don't have that much fibro-like physical pain, I have, a good deal of emotional pain.

Last night, before going to bed, I reached into my subconsious and thought, what is this all about? Why did this fibro diagnosis scare you so much. I say fibro and three docs have not been able to say with certaintly that's what is is. One said no way, the other said, its a pain syndrome but not fibro and the other said fibro-like symptoms.

What I realized is that one of my battles is inferiority. I suffered from it all my life and there is so much anger there it's unbelievable! Even though I have a great family, kids, successful career, every day it's a battle to believe I am good enough.

And so what did this diagnosis of fibro do, well it made me feel that much more inferior. My life would be restricted, I'd have to give up my great job, who knows what would happen to my body, an avid exerciser, now limited to just walking. My kids would feel sorry for me. Augh even the though of it makes me so anxious.

So I am going to go off and spend some time thinking about this and crying some too. It's been a week since I've found TMS and I haven't cried since. But the cryinig earlier was related to depression and fear of what my life would be like in pain. But I think addressing these emotions is really harder.

I do feel like I am on a slippery slop. I don't have much pain today at all, but what do you do when you meet these emotions in the middle and can't tell if it's fear, emotional pain?

Feeling a little lost.....

Susan

YOU ARE NOT INFERIOR. YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT! The feelings of inferiority of ego-based...you are learning to love yourself again (or perhaps for the first time ever!)

 

[jilana]

Hi Susan,
I can really relate to your feelings of inferiority. Like Lala said you are magnificent and part of you knows that even though it maybe wasn't mirrored to you as a child. I keep thinking of my pain as my inner child's temper tantrum and it seems to help when I tell her that I love her anyways. Maybe she just wants to be heard and scolding will just make her madder.
Hang in there, you're doing great!

 

[Explorer]

Thank Jilana:

I am working on soothing that inner child. Today she is kicking and screaming even though I received a positive diagnosis by a TMS MD. We had a 3 hours visit and this inner child of mind is hanging on a few small things the doc said and making them terrifing. I keep reminding her that this is exactly what has caused my TMS through the years.

I have a party to attend today and I am going to work hard on having the diagnosis reach deeply into my core. It's swimming on the surface but must dive down deeper. My journey continues....

How are you doing?

 

[Dear Lianne]

Interesting that you wrote a slip and said "Slippery Slop" instead of "slope" - it does feel like slop, doesn't it? I also wonder if your concern about your children's reaction to your fibro diagnosis is bothering you more than you realize? You say, "My kids would feel sorry for me." I don't know what to make of this comment but I feel it has some significance. What do you or others believe, if anything? There's some nugget of wisdom behind this statement. To me, it jumped off the page.

 

[Leslie]

Just the title of the post resonated with me. I've been thinking for a while that perhaps I was having an 'identity crisis', as I took a closer look at myself I realized that what I actually have is an 'inferiority complex'. Looking back I can see that I've had it for pretty much as long as I can remember and I think that I have actually made it my identity. So my 'crisis' is actually that I identify myself whole-heartedly as inferior to everyone and everything. I'm noticing that you posted this originally several months ago Explorer, I'm curious how you've progressed with it. Perhaps you have some tips you could share?

 

[Layne]

Thank you Explore,r for posting this... You helped me realize that one of my core issues is an inferiority complex. I never quite knew how to label so many of my experiences... I'm with Leslie, and curious to know how you're doing...

 

[Explorer]

Hi Leslie and Layne:

I am doing very well as I am realizing that healing happens from the inside out. I've been thinking about the word inferiority and although you won't find this in Webster's dictionary, I think it's interesting that the word contains (IN-FEAR). As I think about this, what I am seeing through therapy and other long discussions about TMS is that in my case, and probably most others, the real pain here (no pun intended) is FEAR.

For so long I had the fear of being judged, measured, counted etc and what that all adds up to is fear of abandonment. If I am not liked, make enough money, pretty enough, nice enough - I will be left alone. There is real fear and sadness there. As humans, it's what we DON'T want.

Right now, I don't have all the answers on how to dig out of all the years of feeling inferior, but day by day I feel it less and less. I've asked myself when is enough just enough? And when I look around at my family, kids, career and friends the answer is - THIS IS. I have everything I've ever dreamed of having in my life and never feeling good enough keeps me from enjoying what I have. Not only that, but FEAR is hurting my body.

Today is my birthday and I am heading out to do something interesting and fun. Part of healing my TMS is having fun and getting over myself. Loosening the grip on people pleasing, perfectionism and those traits that Sarno says leads people to TMS in the first place, is really the key for me.

Here’s to Healing,
Susan

 

[Leslie]

Wow Susan! This is so incredibly inspiring!! Thank you! I hope you have a great day today.

I can relate to so much of what you say here and I never took the time to actually think about the word itself but you are so right. I'm just now realizing the fear component of my personality. My perfectionist tendencies were evident to me a few years ago. My good-ist tendencies surprised me but weren't difficult for me to see recently. My fear tendencies now have lights and sirens on them but had gone completely unnoticed by me until I had my husband read the pain-prone personality chapter in Dr. Brady's book the other day. I asked him to tell me, based on what he read, how he would describe me. He actually identified my propensity toward fear as the first one that stood out to him - even though it was 2nd to last in the chapter. He was in agreement to with the perfectionism and goodism tendencies when I gave him examples of where I see them, but to my great shock and amazement he believes those 2 are the lesser tendencies where I actually rank them 1st and 2nd. The more I think about it, the more I can see where he is likely right. Hard as it is to admit, the tendency toward fear most likely drives the other two. Why would I feel the need to be perfect or good if I wasn't afraid of the alternatives right?

I'm looking forward to the days when "having fun" and "getting over myself" become the norm rather than the special occasion! It is difficult to loosen the grip on the traits, no doubt about that - but I too am working at it little by little. One thing I have found effective with my perfectionism is to change the way I question it. When something would irritate my perfectionist I used to try to get myself to loosen up about it using the same method tried by those causing the irritation (like someone else's inability to completely close any drawer, anywhere, ever)....standard response would be "who cares". That just made it worse for me & played into my inferiority complex because my immediate response to someone else or myself was always "I do". Of course that just fueled the inferiority complex, making it even clearer that things that mattered to me - and by extension Me - were insignificant. These days when I find my perfectionist being roused by something, rather than ask myself "who cares", I ask myself "WHY do I care", see what the response is, and go from there. If I can't come up with an answer beyond - "I don't know" or "because I'm supposed to"...the grip has to be loosened.

Best wishes
Leslie