increase in awareness of tension

[PussInBootz]

Hi...

So I am completely new to this concept having only started learning about it a few days ago. Anyway I am around half way through Healing Back Pain and already I am finding that the RSI in my hands is almost completely better.... but... I am aware of a lot of stress and tension on an emotional level. I don't know the root of it and it is possible it is not connected but I am wondering; if my body isn't turning my fears and anxiety into TMS pain am I feeling it in different ways? I am so tense at the moment, I feel like I could explode. Not in an angry way... I mean it feels like I've been pumped full of caffeine and I'm shaking under my skin and my muscles are all tense.

Is it common for this shift of awareness to happen? Now I have it on the run is it coming to the surface?

I still have a fair few pain symptoms to clear and part of this is accumulating in my shoulders and the middle of my back... but it's also on a mental level too.

Thanks

 

[hecate105]

Yes! sometimes when we find out about TMS and something 'clicks' we can rid ourselves from the pain straight away. This happened to me and I felt SO lucky - after years of pain, yahoo! BUT - although for some understanding the connection is all - many of us need to address the repressed emotions and stresses that underlie the former pain. This can be a much slower journey! If you do the 'Structured Educational Programme' (click on TMSwiki at top of page and then look down left hand column to find it) this can help to pinpoint the things that help you. We are all different, for some lots of journaling, or anger work, meditation or even changing situations in our life. Recognising our character traits that 'feed' into our suffering too. Try and tune into the stress and tension and see what it brings up - do you have emotions surfacing, anger, fear, sadness, resentment? If so see if you can recall when you first felt that. It sometimes (often) goes back to our formative years - maybe we lost a parent thru death, divorce, them being emotionally unavailable or just a crap parent! Quite often finding the source of the emotions can let us then deal with them properly. See where they affect us daily, see what we can do to change /modify or relate to our emotions in a balanced way. I think many of us are 'hurt children' who have lurched our way into adulthood, without really being emotionally prepared for it! Or it might just be me! Good luck - you sound like you are on the trail...

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi,PussInBootz. The subconscious that sends us pain is notorious for moving it around from place to place, most of the time because it knows we are recognizing the emotions that are harmful to us. Keep believing in TMS and you will keep feeling better. When things get bad, drink some hot milk and practice deep breathing. They always relax me and they will you, too.

 

[PussInBootz]

. I think many of us are 'hurt children' who have lurched our way into adulthood, without really being emotionally prepared for it! .

Hi Hecate, thanks for your reply. I've cut the quote down as I love what you have put here... this is me totally.

I am aware of a lot of trauma and I am starting some therapy in early March to deal with it after it all started 25 years ago. I am hoping that in finally dealing with that so much will change.

I have seen the structured program but was unsure when to start. It seems from the people I have spoken to before that there is a lot of book reading to do and I wasn't sure if I needed to finish reading Healing Back Pain before I started the programme. Would it be ok to start now?

 

[PussInBootz]

Hi,PussInBootz.

Hi Walt, thanks for your reply. The pain in my hands does seem to come and go and I am trying to recognise the emotions I have when it appears. For instance, on Sunday I played on my PS3 for hours, something that would have caused pain a few weeks earlier, and I was fine. 2 days at work sat at a computer and I can feel it niggling again, although as before it's never in the same place for long.

I have long term issues with my shoulders (I'm certain this is TMS) along with a couple of diagnoses that are already recognised as being caused by stress and fear. I am hoping that in time I can work on those too.

The tension I was feeling has cleared. I'm a Bach Flower Practitioner and I switched my remedies and I am feeling calmer. I plan to use the remedies alongside this so that I can process the emotions better. Sadly I am intolerant to milk and meditation stresses me out... I know... it should relax me but the incessant chatter drives me insane. It's like staring into Pandora's box. I've tried so many times and in the end I come away feeling more stressed. I used to go to a group that did guided visualisations and I loved it but it ended. I started my own group up but of course I always end up reading the visualisation so don't get to do it.

I also took a class in tai chi, but that ended too.

I do want to find a relaxation tool and the best I can find at the moment is colouring. Even going for a walk creates too much energy in me and I come back almost manic and stressed.

As I mentioned to Hecate in the post above, I don't know whether I am able to start the programme or whether I need to finish reading this book first... I'm a slow reader :/

 

[hecate105]

PussIn Bootz, go for it and start right away. Most days the actual work only takes up to half an hour or so - it is your choice whether something chimes with you and you do more - or you discover a book that you want to read all of. You can give it as much time as you want - there's no pressure. Using Bach flower remedies at the same time is really good. They are gentle but powerful as you know...
As to meditation - those angry mice! I must admit to start with I used guided visualisations on tape much more. Louise Hay, Denise Linn, Candace Pert, Jon Kabat-Zinn, and any others I have found on Ebay! It is easier than just plain meditating.
(My niece of 18 went to Nepal and booked a 10 day meditation retreat - having never meditated before! I was amazed, 8-10 hours a day!! Wow. I don't know how much It helped though - the day she came out she was caught up in that terrible earthquake and had to be airlifted out after sleeping in the park! - Not what you need after so much 'calm'...)
Colouring sounds good too - it is just finding ways that you can 'calm the angry mice' as Alanis Morrisette put it so well! If walking doesn't help how about swimming? or cycling? It is good to find one activity that takes you out in nature, here you can breathe fresh air and not be hemmed in by people. I find that mindfulness is much easier when I am out in nature too. But anything that helps is good, even wallowing in a hot bath or settling down in front of a good film. It is setting aside time for you - just for your well-being and peace of mind.
If you persevere you will find what works and you will benefit greatly.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Also, do first, the Alan Gordon's TMS Recovery Program at the Wiki. Then the SEP.

 

[PussInBootz]

Also, do first, the Alan Gordon's TMS Recovery Program at the Wiki. Then the SEP.

Hi... is this a different program? I was reading Week 0 and there is so much in that to start with. The SEP looked like nice small chunks but Week 0 looks massive.

I'm confused now... what is the best order to do things? I've finished reading Healing Back Pain and I expected there to be some "how tos" in there but there wasn't. I am glad I read it but I still feel a little lost as to where to start.....

 

[PussInBootz]

If you persevere you will find what works and you will benefit greatly.

Thanks for the support... there is so much to do... One step at a time though.

Yes, those angry mice are so frustrating. I did find a whole heap of mindfulness meditations online, I just need to get organised and make myself sit down and to them. So much avoidance and despite taking remedies for it I am still avoiding, lol.

Swiming made me angry because of the people standing around getting in the way LMAO and I don't own a bicycle :/ I do have a cross trainer but even that stresses me out. However, I realised the other day that I was bullied at school and the least safe place for me was during sports lessons, so I equate exercise with being unsafe, add to that my perfectionist qualities that insist that I am brutal with myself and I am miserable every time I try. Something else to work through.

Sorry to hear about your Niece's experience, I'm glad she's ok though. A 10 day meditation retreat sounds brutal!!!

I will keep plugging away at it

 

[hecate105]

one chunk at a time - like chocolate!