Impatience and the symptom imperative

[Aucklander]

Hi All,

I have been making progress and then plateaued out. I really believe impatience is a massive barrier to recovery. I have largely been pain free but tension in my lower back,right hip and quad remain. This has me walking with a limp, pain free but looking like a dork. It doesn't worry me until people bring it up. Then I get pissed off.

Some things seem harder to accept and let go of than I initially thought. I don't like the idea of walking with a limp because in all efforts these muscle groups wont relax.

I do not understand how Back pain,sciatica, pins and needles and general weakness can all disappear but a scar seems to be left in the form of imbalanced tense muscles causing the limp. It is like my subcinscious TMS beast is mocking me. That makes me sooooooo ANGRY.

This has been going on for some months now. I see an end in sight but just cant wait. My weekly diet includes journaling, mindfulness meditation, exercise and intake of info.

I would like to slay the beast creating this cycle in my mind and believe patience and persistence will be the key.

I welcome any feedback fellow TMS'ers who may have gone through this to share their experiences and provide what pearls of wisdom might nail the home stretch to see me walking straight and pain free again after two and a half years.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Patience is a problem for most people working on healing from TMS.
We all want to be among those who say they healed from pain just in reading
Dr. Sarno's Healing Back Pain. Few of us healed that fast. It took time and effort,
discovering our repressed emotions. You're doing all the right thing in journaling,
mindfulness meditation, exercise, gaining knowledge.
Steve Ozanich says part of healing requires patience. Be glad you've come so far
and can see a happy ending in sight.

Keep envisioning yourself walking straight. You soon will be.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

You said you were angry and have impatience. You would do real good to loose those two emotions and go for the more calm , relaxed medative approach if you wish to get better. Don't really try slaying the beast as much as making friends with the beast. That could be the culprit there too added to the other emotions you have pain. Just stay with your protocol and reverse the emotions by being aware in the now and noticing your reactions to outside stimuli or lifes pressures in plain talk. You have reactions to life pressures and then you get these emotions but why? When you can answer why to all of your emotional questions then you'll learn the reason for the reactions which will often boil down to choices that your unconsciously making.

 

[Dear Lianne]

Dear Aucklander,
Impatience is in my humble opinion resistance to what is; when one is impatient one is not grounded in the present. You want something to happen faster "in time" and time is just a construct of our earthly reality, i.e., not real. If you can, perhaps you should find a way to get below the impatience. What is it's source? Snarling traffic, a person in your life who moves too slowly, or not achieving your immediate goal of being healthy. Whatever the cause, the key is the concept of "resistance". Perhaps acceptance of what is is the most powerful solution.

Peace.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

We are living in an impatient age. We want everything NOW. And not only one thing, but everything,
so we MULTI-TASK and our impatience is magnified. We need to slow down and be patient in our healing
and problem-solving. A friend was an Air Force jet pilot and when he wasn't flying, he was an emotional wreck
because daily living on the ground was too slow for him. Some actors need to drive fast cars to relax...
Paul Walker followed in the fast tire tracks of James Dean. Look where it got them. They should have
slowed down and smelled the asphalt.

 

[Aucklander]

Thanks for your constructive feedback. This TMS experience is like learning to ride a bike for the first time, balancing the wobbles of the mind with the momentum of life for me while pushing pedals and steering. It's a new synchronisation and muscle memory needed to break free of old habits that are like training wheels. I rarely think in terms of the tortoise and the hare but it is useful to remember that slow but but sure will win this race.

Thank you for helping me refocus on this part of my recovery. Pressuring myself was like adding fuel to the fire. I am feeling better for sharing this challenge with impatience.