“My question is how do traits like people pleaser, perfectionist, goodist, overly concerned with what other people think cause TMS. Like aren't these traights good things to some degree?”
Excellent question! That is what many of us had to deal with once we learned about TMS.
In moderation and balance they are good traits to have. Let me unpack each one here:
1. People pleaser: if it’s done to the detriment of your own health and happiness, it can create internal anger and rage.
Should you do things to please people? It depends on who’s asking, what is it that they ask, and is it within your limits of your resources.
2. Perfectionist is a person who wants to do EVERYTHING perfectly and if she or he does not, she or he will be severely self-critical. That can create a massive amount of self-directed rage to cause TMS.
Realizing that some things need to be done perfectly to the best of our ability but other things do not, is the first step to reducing perfectionism to a healthy level.
3. Being a goodist when done in moderation and selectively, like perfectionism, is a good trait.
4. Overly concerned about what others think is clearly not good. But certainly we are concerned about it to some degree or another. Same selective approach applies here.
It can take trial and error, learning more on your own, feedback from a friend or family member, or help of a good therapist or coach to find the right balance.
Once you do you will enjoy a much happier, healthier life.
