If It’s TMS, Then I’ve Wasted My Life

[Wolfgang]

I apologize if the title sounds a bit strong, but I felt it captured my emotions accurately.

This is the hardest part for me when trying to accept Dr. John Sarno’s theory. If I really had TMS, then… what does that make of the past 10 years I lost to back pain?

Because of my back pain, I had poor attendance in high school. I took a semester off and came back to school several times, but eventually ended up dropping out of university. I had an opportunity to pursue a job, but during the practical training, the pain came back and my legs went numb—so I had to quit. And just like that, 10 years passed.

But according to Dr. Sarno—and many doctors I’ve seen agree—there’s nothing physically wrong with me. So if I didn’t have to be in pain all this time… what does that mean for my life? If it wasn’t “real,” then I destroyed my life over something fake. That would make it all my fault. I wouldn't even be able to explain or justify it to anyone. That’s why part of me still wants to believe there’s something physically wrong with me. It's easier than facing the shame and grief.

I’m feeling this way because I’ve recently started to notice dramatic improvements after encountering TMS theory. I went out today, and yes, my back got tired and I had to rest right after coming home—but I didn’t take any medication, and I still felt much better. I cried a lot while talking about this with my partner. I’m calmer now, but I really want to ask others in the TMS community too:

Isn't it heartbreaking to think about everything we've lost because of TMS?

(Since I used a translator, some of the expressions might sound awkward or be mistranslated.)

 

[Rusty Red]

Recommend checking out Eddy Lindenstein's podcast Mind and Fitness, he talks about this quite a bit in different episodes. But he has come to see it as it was the path he had to take to get where he is now.

 

[Ellen]

Isn't it heartbreaking to think about everything we've lost because of TMS?

Yes, @Wolfgang , it is. But our life is what we focus on. I suggest focusing on the miraculous recovery you are experiencing and to be grateful that you only "lost" 10 years to TMS. Many of us have lost more. But many people never discover this possibility at all, and die in pain. I don't consider those years "lost", but a learning experience.

Congratulations on your recovery. Your life will be better going forward. Rejoice!

 

[HealingMe]

The more you are focused on time — past and future — the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is. -Eckhart Tolle

 

[Joulegirl]

Also, give yourself some compassion. You can't be expected to know about something if no one told you. There was nothing you could have different. Thankfully you know now and can start working on your future!

 

[Baseball65]

Isn't it heartbreaking to think about everything we've lost because of TMS?

Yeah and No.

Yes I wasted a lot of time. Lots of Money. Lots of Life....

But...also found out a lot of stuff that I would have never known had I just had occasional pain. I have been able to be more useful to other people. The Lack of Fear I now have regarding physical stuff has allowed me to do a lot of fun and wild stuff I never expected to be doing at age 59.

I have had like 3 or 4 childhoods over again. Might have never been here without learning the truth.

 

[Mr Hip Guy]

Concentrating on time lost is another tool of the TMS brain.

 

[Diana-M]

I destroyed my life over something fake. That would make it all my fault.

part of me still wants to believe there’s something physically wrong with me. It's easier than facing the shame and grief.

@Wolfgang
TMS is not a choice. WE don’t cause it. Most people with TMS have had a rocky road of some kind, and many have had very difficult childhoods. Some don’t even know their childhoods were abusive. It’s suppressed. TMS is a circumstance. So, there’s no blame in it for you. There’s no shame in it. (But it’s tempting to believe there is.)

There are millions of people in pain out there with TMS who don’t know it. And they may go through surgery after surgery; treatment after treatment, and get nowhere. You, on the other hand, have been given the insight into TMS. You have the ability to get better and to stay better. This is a huge gift!

It’s still a bitter loss. And there’s grief, naturally, over what TMS has stolen from your life. But don’t linger on it too long.

Your life can be better than ever. Nicole Sachs says, “I am right where I need to be today to change my life in an epic fashion.” She’s really good at pointing out the amazing opportunity for growth that TMS offers. If you haven’t yet listened to any of her podcasts (The Cure for Chronic Pain), you might like them!

 

[Mr Hip Guy]

I am right where I need to be today to change my life in an epic fashion.

Very nice quote.

I personally regret having going through hip surgery - the actual procedure I went through is ghastly, I hate even thinking about it and visualizing it. I often think I made matters worse for myself in some future "me" when it will come back to haunt me.

But I continue to remind myself that if IT WASN'T FOR THAT SURGERY then I probably wouldn't have discovered this life-hack that Sarno made known. And in that perspective, it was all worth it.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

SO many great responses for you, @Wolfgang. Indeed, I believed in self-healing for most of my adult life, but I continued to suffer from TMS symptoms that got worse with age, until I was in a crisis at age 60. Discovering Dr Sarno was the missing piece of the self-healing puzzle, and I entered my seventh decade in better shape than I had experienced in years.

I want to repeat this one, because I had the exact same thought when I read your post:

Concentrating on time lost is another tool of the TMS brain.

In other words, this is the kind of negative outlook your fear brain wants you to live with. Your job now is to reject it! Which I can see you are getting better at, every day.

 

[Mr Hip Guy]

In other words, this is the kind of negative outlook your fear brain wants you to live with.

It really is funny if you think about it. TMS Brain: "Okay fine, you figured out it was all a ruse. But LOOK AT ALL THE TIME YOU WASTED. Argh, agony, and despair."

 

[JanAtheCPA]

It really is funny if you think about it. TMS Brain: "Okay fine, you figured out it was all a ruse. But LOOK AT ALL THE TIME YOU WASTED.

Ultimately, you might as well laugh. Because (zoom in on my photo).

 

[louaci]

If life goes so well with a person, no symptoms, no issues, all aspects happy, then there is no need for self-healing so no chance of discovering Dr. Sarno's work. We are humans and there is no perfect life and life is a flow like a river: the "bad" in life may lead to something new and "good", and the "good" in life may turn into something undesirable. Maybe there is no "waste" of life, and it is just the prelude for new discoveries and new turns. After all it is all part of life and enriches the fabric of our life experiences.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Maybe there is no "waste" of life, and it is just the prelude for new discoveries and new turns. After all it is all part of life and enriches the fabric of our life experiences.

Nice!

 

[BloodMoon]

We are humans and there is no perfect life and life is a flow like a river: the "bad" in life may lead to something new and "good", and the "good" in life may turn into something undesirable.

Absolutely! This reminds me of the 'Chinese Farmer Story':

@Wolfgang I am much better symptoms-wise than I used to be (at one point I was bed ridden for many months and housebound for years with TMS symptoms) and I'm continuing to do TMS work in the hope and with optimism that the symptoms will at some point go altogether. However, I have suffered TMS for several decades and to be honest, if I could have a couple of years (but, of course, preferably more!) where I am symptom free before I die it would be wonderful. I'm guessing that you are much younger than me and have many years ahead of you to get symptom free (if you aren't already) and enjoy the rest of your life symptom free... Whilst I do understand your sentiments of regret (I've felt regret too!) the past is the past and the best advice I believe is to make the most of the present and look forward to the future.

 

[Wolfgang]

Recommend checking out Eddy Lindenstein's podcast Mind and Fitness, he talks about this quite a bit in different episodes. But he has come to see it as it was the path he had to take to get where he is now.

I looked up Eddy Lindenstein's Mind and Fitness podcast and found so many episodes. Could you recommend a few? Since English isn’t my first language, it’s a bit difficult for me to listen to them all.

Congratulations on your recovery. Your life will be better going forward. Rejoice!

I’ve been thinking about this comment for the past few days. It’s not easy to accept lessons like this, but I’ll keep reminding myself.

The more you are focused on time — past and future — the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is. -Eckhart Tolle

Thank you! I’ll write that down in my journal.

Thankfully you know now and can start working on your future!

That’s a beautiful quote. I find that starting over isn’t always easy.

I have had like 3 or 4 childhoods over again. Might have never been here without learning the truth.

Oh, really? I’ve been filled with regret, thinking, “I should’ve had a better childhood.” Your comment gives me courage — especially as someone who still holds on to that fear.

 

[Wolfgang]

There are millions of people in pain out there with TMS who don’t know it. And they may go through surgery after surgery; treatment after treatment, and get nowhere. You, on the other hand, have been given the insight into TMS. You have the ability to get better and to stay better. This is a huge gift!

Yes, ever since I learned about TMS, I sometimes see people around me who I suspect might have it too, and it makes me feel a bit sad. But if I can change my life starting now, there’s nothing more hopeful than that. I’ll definitely try listening to the podcast! Sadly, it seems there aren’t any transcripts. I’ll read the descriptions carefully and do my best to find episodes that are right for me.

But I continue to remind myself that if IT WASN'T FOR THAT SURGERY then I probably wouldn't have discovered this life-hack that Sarno made known. And in that perspective, it was all worth it.

Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Still, I think that kind of positive mindset is so important.

SO many great responses for you, @Wolfgang. Indeed, I believed in self-healing for most of my adult life, but I continued to suffer from TMS symptoms that got worse with age, until I was in a crisis at age 60. Discovering Dr Sarno was the missing piece of the self-healing puzzle, and I entered my seventh decade in better shape than I had experienced in years.

I want to repeat this one, because I had the exact same thought when I read your post:

In other words, this is the kind of negative outlook your fear brain wants you to live with. Your job now is to reject it! Which I can see you are getting better at, every day.

Absolutely! There were so many great replies here that it actually took me a while to figure out how to express my gratitude. I hope you understand. My TMS brain is still trying to trick me! Thank you so much.

We are humans and there is no perfect life and life is a flow like a river: the "bad" in life may lead to something new and "good", and the "good" in life may turn into something undesirable. Maybe there is no "waste" of life, and it is just the prelude for new discoveries and new turns. After all it is all part of life and enriches the fabric of our life experiences.

Wow, that comment sounds like something a famous person might say. Thank you so much.

Whilst I do understand your sentiments of regret (I've felt regret too!) the past is the past and the best advice I believe is to make the most of the present and look forward to the future.

Thank you for your heartfelt message. I actually know that story! It’s really interesting. In my country, this story — about the old man who lost his horse — is commonly used as a saying or proverb. My father loves it, too. It was fun to hear it told in English! Your story really touched my heart. Thank you for the thoughtful advice.