Day 3 i got headache that i never experienced before

[thinbuilder]

i tried making a list about all my past trauma and painful experiences, in fact, i start getting headache.
i guess that is tension headache, as all my previous bad trauma n emotions all flows out to my conscious as i tried remembering them. and after that, now i m having increase in leg pain around my calf. while my calf is usual sciatica pain. but the headache now is which i haven't had for a long time..maybe years..i remember having this kind of headache when i studied too much during my exam.

should i proceed of journaling n recalling or should i stop.? n doing my enjoyable activities?

 

[thinbuilder]

my personality:

i wanted to be liked by everyone. i m very cared and bothered by how many likes i got from facebook. sometimes i was a little paranoid that i oftenly check how many likes i got after some period of time a posted something. i guess many ppl were doing the same thing nowadays.

but this social network thing is toxic in the first place. it create tension. it creates trauma.

while i m not going to deactivate my account because of this, because i still need to be online to check the latest update and communicate with ppl. but , just until now that i realised, all that causes me to be unhappy most recently are social networks. lol... why we do social networking in the first place then? we were hoping and wanting self approval and appraisal. but when we dont get what we expected( as many likes as your friends did). we become unhappy and even depressed. we thought something is wrong with us..maybe methods of socialising is wrong ..

i was very paranoid about that , that i bought many books on socialising. because my shrink had told me to socialize. i bothered me. since 2 years ago..and i have been living under the shadow of social network, wishing for more likes. what an idiot i was.

now that i realised this. i m having a great urge, to uninstall my facebook and instagram apps. i will leave only twitter maybe.

and living alone simply makes it worst. yes, i m not living alone, i m with 2 other guys who live in other room. and many other frens in the same apartment. but 3 of us in the same house don't really like each other from the bottom of our heart..or maybe just 2 vs 1. but my other fren likes to be alone n do things alone. he is a contented guy..spiritual.

while i m a greedy and perfectionist guy, i want more..i want to be perfect, to be liked by everyone

plz guide me to change myself.change my way of thinking n perspective, and perhaps my TMS will be cured permanently.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Homebuilder you sound just like me before I learned what I was doing to myself, self imposed pressure is hell brother and those expectations are feeding the pain. Have fun with Facebook, if no one gives you a like then be happy that you posted something from your heart. I will help you and you will learn to be an individual that will be inspired to do what You love and then others will love you for it. There are many other great minds here that will lead you too. We have all been there pal. Start with self compassion ok, just start doing what you love to do -- like what would you do if you were never given any credit for it, something you love. We will start here, bless you