OMG I have TMS. This is my story I Have suffered from back pain since 1993. I broke my back in a serous construction accident in 2000. The disc showed broken l4 and shattered and after 6 months and not healing 4 doctors said I needed L3 L4 L5 Fusion . I got it.I have had one or 2 flair ups every year since and constant fear and chronic pain , i recently had the worst flair up since the surgery . I was bed ridden for days mid July. Missed 3 days work but in car sales the bosses are resentful for any missed work even with a dr note.Went to pain management in August and got an mri I have been on Pain Pills the last 4 years. recently went from Vicodin10 325 to percocet 10 325.He also did an mri Said I have an extrusion and we would do epidiral. The last 2 months I have been on Gabophentin Lyrica Methocarbonal napraxen and Percocet.These new drugs made me a zombie and over slept for work several times last month. The pain management made me take and promise to take as prescribed. My new symptoms were the arrow in t12 area. The worst symptom was that my feet have been numb or tingling but I couldnt sleep because they were burning at night. I have been on fear of losing my job because of my attendance. I missed 6 days this year 2 3 day back flair ups. This is a no no in car sales. Out of 7 sales people I was in 3rd place year to date but 2nd on the board 4 out of the last 5 months and sold 19 cars in august even with the issues I had. I only sold 8 in september but that was second place third only sold 5 and the other 3 only sold 3 cars. I think the fear of losing the Job cause my flair ups several times. I think my mind was grounding me to be being bed ridden. I also have a small start up business making guitar pedals. I sit at a table neck down soldering 35 hours a week after working 53 hours a week at the car lot. I was going to sleep at 3am and getting up at 8am I got burned out I am sure of it now. I lost my job to cutbacks 2 weeks ago and saw my pain management dr thursday morning since I no longer have insurance or a job I wont be able to see him at 450 a visit and 187 for urine test every visit not to mention paying cash for the medicine at least 200 a month. He said that he had planned an epidural for next month but more than likely I was going to need surgery. I left the office depressed stressed the hell out horrified.I was afraid I wouldnt be able to function much less get a job.Not to mention I am addicted to opiates now after years and years of constant chronic pain.I saw my primary doctor Friday afternoon and she will no longer prescribe pain medication due to policy of the network that is why she sent me to pain management.. I was terrified last this weekend. Its my worst fears all coming to reality. So was looking for home remedies on you tube. I was searching for physical therapy exercises for my T12 herniated extruded disc.I found the 20/20 Sarnos segment at about 10pm sunday night.. I listened to some the testimonials and the 3 hour dr sarnos video on healing back pain. I was up until 2 am Sunday . I woke up yesterday at 8am and started watching more videos. I found the 12 steps.I reAD THE AFFIRMATIONS AND JUMPED OUT OF BED at 840 am took a long hot shower and started to function with no fear. I am painting my workshop /band room. I let it go with the amount of hours I was working. I moved my heavy amps equipment and started drywall mudding s couple bad areas. I worked till I was exhausted at 10pm last night wHEN i WOULD GET PAIN I kept screaming in my mind to stop playing tricks . I know I have emotional baggage.I just kept playing yu tibe videos of Sarnos and Peoples testimonials. The more I heard the harder I worked and less fear I had, Painting suckes in a jam packed room lots of bending stretching moving stuff. I made it through the day took a long hot bath and went to bed listening to the TMS Hypnosis video. Today was the first day in over 4 years I did not have the arrow in my back. My legs are sore my arms my hands and my back is sore . Not painful. I have laid in bed the last 3 months the minute I got home from work.I stopped doing pedals 2 months ago because I was hurting in the S1 t12 and several ribs in the shoulder section were sticking out. I have been seeing a chiropractor 2 times a week as well the last few months . I was suffering.Neck upper back mid back and lower back feet numb and burning /tingling. I kept working like crazy both jobs I have too I have kids a wife. They all had medical bills to pay and I spent 4000 on dental work this summer.. working 12 hour days 7 days a week takes its toll even when healthy. In August I just worked the day job and I would go straight to bed hit the heating pad and ice pack. . . Now keep in mind. I have lived in fear the last 20 years nursing my back little activity especially the last 4 years . I am very out of shape. I ook back to every flair up and can see an emotional connection. I had a great childhood. I was given the belt a lot maybe a bit abusive but I am 50 years old it was like that back then.I do remember flair ups not long after heartbreaks . Not long after job issues. This last job was horrible. Always in fear of losing my job and insurance. The store ripped employees off imo,I was way underpaifd and it ate at me. I got sick several times the 4 years I worked there. I am a perfectionist and selling cars is hard for me . Its 80 percent rejection . Even the best salesman only sell 1 out of 5 people.its hard to balance the budget sometimes. So Here are my questions. I am waiting for the books. most of the testimonials talk about how it works. How does it work? Day 2 I already have major improvements . (No Arrow in my back even after the hardest physical work in 17 years) I didnt do to much today because my entore body was sorer. Is this bad? I watched more video took the kids trivk or treating . I did work 5 hours though. I have mahor issues with self esteem worrying expecting more out of life. How should I cope? I have lots of pent up anger and rage. My wife has put all the financial burden on me and doesnt do much around the house. She just got a job so thats cool but she has done some very bad things . She took out a title max loan and didnt tell me. I found out when they repoed the van I bought her. It was worth 7000 and was paid for. I Paidm 4500 to get it back. I have had a hard time forgiving and she lies about money all the time. How can I release these pent up emotions?? I I worry especially now that I lost my job. Ways to reduce worry? I still have severe numb tingling in my feet . They didnt burn last night though HA HA .I believe already but 25 years of Diagnosis surgery epidurals recent diagnosis . How do I reduce fear? I already watched a couple people that had relapses/ Thats scares me ha ha. 2 days in and I am fearing a relapse Man see. How do I get around these issues? It says to write. one of my symptoms is corparal tunnel Thats hasnt got better yet either so when I write is typing ok? SHould I overcome and no let the TMS win? i think I was so stressed i HAD Bronchitus,Pnuemonia, constant lower back pain then mid and upper all last year. How can I retrain my thoughts to not worry ? I have responsibilities I know this is a mega post I am trying to tell my story and do some home work.I am so tired tonight I worked so hard the last 2 days . I know I am out of shape Is general exercise ok? I have never really been the type to work out . Ok say I keep improving. I am physically and mentally addicted to Pain pills opiates and muscle relaxers. I fear with draws and pain from them. I run out in 25 days . I still took my meds yesterday and today. Is this cheating? ANY TIPS ON WITHDRAWS? .i AM TERRIFIED of withdraws but also tired of the addiction being chained looking at the clock waiting for my next dose. Even now I am wanting to take another pill today its a horrible way to live! That alone is stress inducing.I got off them several times but never have I been on them for 4 years and had the issues diagnosed that I recently have with no insurance. I have TMS I know it! I dont fear being functional anymore . I do fear a lot of other things which wont help . Should I try to have a good cry? I usually only cry when there is a death or major issue in life. I cried in front of my last girlfriend when my cousin died several times and she left me while i was grieving. . I think that makes it hard for me to open up causing more repression now I HAVE A DOZEN MORE QUESTIONS I bought three books yesterday they are a week to 21 days for delivery so I need to figure this out ASAP .