I’m in a world of sadness and fear and being Christmas time is just making me feel worse. I have bladder issues, I’ve been diagnosed with PNE and have been managing symptoms for over 8 years. I’m 38 now and until recently I was the best I’ve been in years. My issues are with food and drink I consume, and part of me believes that it’s psychosomatic and part of me is so fearful that it’s just a damaged bladder. It all started with I had a terrible bladder infection. The infection was treated at the time but the symptoms never went away. It was left with a irritated uncomfortable bladder. I started on the pill a few months after my symptoms started and for 2 years I was cured. Symptom free! I could drink coffee, alcohol, I could have pain free sex, I could exercise however I wanted. Life was good again. Then after the birth of my first child discomfort and an irritated bladder came back into my life. Then one day after drinking a coffee the real pain and discomfort started. At the time I was reading a lot about IC and started following the IC diet and I think that where my relationship with food and drink changed. I started fearing everything acidic and spicy, I just feared consuming something that could potentially hurt me. This kicked up a notch after my wedding day. I wanted to drink and have a good time at my wedding so I drank a decent amount of Vodka (had a great time), and the next day I ended up in hospital in extreme pain needing a catheter as my bladder stopped working. Boom! More FEAR! From then somewhere along the line I was diagnosed with PN, put on drugs and had a few nerve blocks (which did help) and told I was a candidate for surgery. That diagnosis never sat well with me and the PN Hope website just created more depression, anxiety and fear. Fast forward to now and about 12 months ago and I slowly broke down the fear walls. I beat an addiction to Valium, I stopped taking heavy pain killers, I started to look into TMS, I started working with a TMS therapist, I changed my meds and I slowly introduced a little alcohol and foods on my ‘bad’ list into my life. I was the best I’ve been in a long time. Not entirely symptom free but a whole lot better. Sex wasn’t painful, I was running again! And exercising 5 days a week (which I love to do). The fear was slowly melting away. I wasn’t having anxiety about what I put in my mouth. I had my life back!! Then about 2 weeks ago I got a little adventurous and decided to drink some wine (cider was the only alcohol that was on my ‘safe’ list). And boom, since then I’ve been the worst I’ve ever been and I continue to get worse. Every time I drink ciders it gets worse and now I’m really bad. I have pain all day, the pain killers aren’t really helping, I get pain even after a bowel motion for god sake! I’ve regressed so much in terms of what I feel are safe foods. I can only drink water and I’m just a miserable mess. It’s Christmas time and I’m surrounded by my family who are drinking and enjoying all the foods they want and I’m am just living this internal hell. I’m so depressed, scared and utterly devastated. I’m the worst I’ve been sincey bladder stopped working. The irony is I got married where I’m having Christmas and it’s the first time my whole extended family are here since my wedding. So it’s bringing up lots of emotions from then. It’s like dejavu! My questions are does anyone else who has bladder pain struggle with pain from food and drink? Am I a TMS sufferer or just a person with a damaged bladder? I’m losing faith in my TMS diagnosis! I just really need a friend right now. No one understands and I feel so lonely at what is supposed to be a happy time of year.