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Husband needs help :(

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by tarheel_w, Jul 19, 2015.

  1. tarheel_w

    tarheel_w New Member

    My husband has been dealing with pain on the left side of his entire face, upper left back and left side of his neck. He has had X-rays, ct scans, MRI, physical therapy, massage, wisdom teeth pulled, seen a chiropractor, had injections, used a tens device, and done all kinds of other things to figure out how to get rid of the pain. Every test comes out clean. The only thing doctors end up doing is giving him anti anxiety meds or pain killers or muscle relaxers. None have worked.

    He is very active and plays an hour and a half of basketball during lunch break almost everyday. He is 36 and we have 2 kids and he even coaches their sports teams. He has tried not being active for a few weeks but then went back to it because he felt no difference in the pain when he gave up sports.

    Back in November my husband was given a book about tms written by a dr Brady. He then read a book by Schecter and tried journaling. He followed the tms treatment plan by Schecters books but still didn't feel better. He has read books by Sarno as well.

    Back in June I found a tms doctor about 5 hours away from where we live. She diagnosed him as having tms. Well, he called her to get some encouragement and ask her advise about how he can feel better. He still has pain and it is constant. It there when he wakes up in the morning and never goes away. It never eases up. Her advise surprised us... She was not encouraging and she also told him to go see a neurologist and maybe that would help him accept the tms diagnosis. Now my husband is nervous that he is starting this whole going to the doctor obsession again. She also said only read Sarnos books and stay off of the tms wiki site. He hasn't even been on this site more than twice. Is this advise right?

    He felt like he was starting to really accept the tms diagnosis until he called the tms doc and now he is second guessing again. He says he feels lonely, and no one will help him and he feels stuck and in constant excruciating pain.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    That doctor speaks nonsense. She says your husband should accept TMS causing his pain, and she's right about that.
    But she says he should stay off the TMSWiki web site and that is strange because it is here to help people like your husband.
    I would keep reading the wiki and following the advice of people who have healed through TMS knowledge.

    I suggest your husband start the Structured Educational Program in the subforum on this web site. It helped heal me and hundreds of others with TMS pains.

    Here is a recent post from Kevin about how great the SEP is.

    Kevin healed 95 % from SEP

    Welcome to the SEP and to the path of recovery. I am on my final two days of the program and I can say with complete confidence that I am a changed man. I started after 6 months of nasty low-back/butt/leg pain, could hardly walk, stand, etc. was in physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, pain medications, etc.. the usual. My MRI showed 3 disk bulges/herniations touching nerves, so that is what I believe it to be....that is until I read Dr. Sarno and found this site.

    I encourage you to really get involved, follow the instructions, do the journaling, take time to read all the suggested readings, and watch the videos. I'd say I'm 95% cured. There is still some very light lingering "annoyance", but I still have some work to do. I've been walking miles with hardly any pain these last few weeks. But even more, if the pain comes on now, it just doesn't bother me like it used to, I sorta just see it, acknowledge it, and go about my business. It took working the program to get to that point, but 6 weeks compared to 6 months is nothing! I made more progress in the first week than I did from two months of PT!!! It's going to challenge you and your "beliefs" in medicine, but you have nothing to lose. We generally wind up here when all else fails.

    So give it a shot, especially before considering anything invasive like surgery. If you put the work in, you will get better. Have you read Dr. Sarno yet? I assume you have since you're here, but in case you haven't, definitely read Healing Back Pain. Again, it will challenge everything you've believed about your pain, and backs in general. You'll be encouraged to resume life as normal, i.e. stop ALL "therapies" (PT, chiro, etc.), stop taking medications, and most importantly, stop thinking STRUCTURAL problems are the cause of your pain and shift to psychological as the reason.....again, this can be difficult and takes some time to sink in, so be patient and kind to yourself.

    It was a process for me. A few of the bigger moves in my case were: I ripped up and threw out my MRI test results (I found myself obsessively reading over them and comparing them to other results I could find on the web and even here on the TMSwiki site...); I got back to the gym and stopped using a weight belt; and I even cancelled an appointment I had made with a TMS doctor because it was more than a month away and it was hindering my recovery (that is, my 100% belief in TMS was lagging because I had this pending appointment, but as soon as I cancelled it, my recovery sped up significantly). Everyone's journey is unique to their situation, but I've found that really committing to the program and brining what I learn from it into my daily life has had profound results. Also, sharing along the way here in these forums has been extremely helpful - there's something about knowing that you're not alone in your TMS recovery that really helps. I encourage you to look through my past posts for some insight into my experience with SEP. Like I said, I'm just now finishing, tomorrow is my final day, and I feel like a changed person. It's amazing. And I feel as though it is something that one carries on with, not just like a one time 6 week thing and that's that...it has helped me to get to know myself and taught me tools to "deal" with my emotions. Learning and accepting TMS is a life changer for sure.

    Walt again...

    Your husband is very active, and a lot of sports activity can drain the body of magnesium, a mineral essential in regulating more than 300 enzymes in the body. Mos people don't get enough magnesium because even the healthy foods we eat that produce it are grown in soil that has little or no magnesium. I get magnesium with a magnesium oil I spray on my arms and legs and it helps a lot. You can learn about it in videos on Youtube about magnesium deficiency. I'm not saying your husband's pains are entirely from magnesium deficiency. I think they are mostly from TMS, repressed emotions or a perfectionist-goodist personality. But without enough magnesium, pain can be there as well.

    Good luck to you and your husband. TMS knowledge is the answer to his pain. I healed from extreme back pain after reading Sarno and doing the SEP program and discovering I had been repressing negative emotions from my boyhood. Journaling helped me to deal with them and the pain went away.
    Laughalot likes this.
  3. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    The TMS physician did her job of eliminating structural causes, the next step for hard to heal cases is to see a TMS psychotherapist. There are many referrals to them at this site. Phone or Skype can work as well if there isn't one close by. Don Dubin (deceased) who was one of Dr. Schechter's therapists said he never had to see a TMS sufferer more then a dozen times to get the TMS theory across.

    Ask the TMS Dr. your husband saw for a referral to a TMS therapist, she should have one.
  4. tarheel_w

    tarheel_w New Member

    Walt and Tennis Tom,

    Thank you so much for your response. I told my husband about my post on here and your response. He now feels like if he doesn't see the Neurologist he will be stuck with another "what if I should see that doc?" thought because of that TMS Dr. that told him to see one. I did get a response from a TMS Dr. on this website about a TMS therapist for him to talk to.

    I'm going to look at the health food store for the magnesium that you told me about tomorrow and look more into that.

    I am hoping to turn my sign in account on here over to him soon. From what I have read on the TMSWiki has been very encouraging and I believe that if he did get on here he would feel less alone and more encouraged with this resource. The SEP very well could be the way for him. He is still confused and not sure what to be receptive to. My mind control powers do not work so I can't force him to get on this site but I did get him to read a post or 2.

    I do believe that God gave us authority to speak to our bodies and receive his healing so I won't let him give up!
  5. AndrewMillerMFT

    AndrewMillerMFT Well known member

    I second Tennis Tom,

    Asking the TMS doctor for a referral for a therapist can not only help deal with the underlying issues if your husband has TMS but also help him deal with the constant ruminations about seeing another doctor. I have found, in my own practice, that people need the help of a therapist at times to actively view the TMS process. Often it can be as simple as seeing a lowering of pain in session with a therapist where no structural modalities were used to propel people towards full acceptance.

  6. tarheel_w

    tarheel_w New Member

    My husband has finally made an appointment to see a pychoT. This doctor is a bit of a travel to see. He made his flight reservations and is scheduled to see that dr. early October. This Dr. knows Sarno and has learned from him. They even wrote a chapter in one of his books. Making the appointment and even the flight reservations have seemed to make him very anxious and fearful. He is worried that even after all of this he may still never get better and that the pain will never go away.

    My husband is still having excruciating pain on the left side of his face and new symptoms have surfaced as well. Are the new symptoms a good sign? He did go to see the neurologist as recommended by the TMS dr. They also found absolutely NOTHING abnormal. This isn't a pain that comes and goes. It is never ceasing and hasn't stopped for a year and a half. The back and neck has been for 2 yrs.

    The psychoT believes that they can help my dear husband. I am so hopeful even though my husband does not seem to be. He really seems to be in a dark place and I am trying to keep sanity for the both of us. He is struggling to keep a smile on his face for our small children so they don't worry, but I know our 9 yr old boy can tell something is wrong.

    He has recently gone off of one antidepressant and is currently taking Cymbalta per his general practitioner who seems to be open to the TMS diagnosis even though my husband is the first person who has ever brought this diagnosis to his attention. This dr. has even called my husband just to ask for more information about TMS and called to see how my husband is doing every now and then.

    My husband still doesn't get on this TMSwiki site because of the TMS Dr. he first saw. He feels like his life is on hold and he is doomed to feel awful until his appt. How can I be encouraging? What would you want your spouse/significant other to do to help you? I told him that if I were the problem he is free to tell me! No judgment! I know wives can be annoying sometimes. I can back off where he needs me to. He says he doesn't want me to back off. He wants me to help him. I wish I knew how :(
  7. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    Sounds like he is getting great support from you and his doctor. For his doctor to be calling to check is pretty unusual in this day and age! If it's TMS and it sounds like it is, since nothing structural has been found, your husband appears to need his TMS symptoms as a PROTECTOR/defense mechanism--it's doing it's job.

    Have you looked at the Rahe/Holmes list for the evidence for TMS? What stressful life situations have occurred that are the underlying psychological cause for the symptoms?

    Dr. Sarno said there's nothing wrong with taking meds for TMS structural pain or affective TMS/depression. Maybe your husband needs to try different meds until the right one clicks in. It can be a trial and error thing that he and his GP or a psychiatrist can monitor.

    I was prescribed Lexapro by a shrink once, it gave me a panic attack resulting in a midnight run to the ER. It was the wrong med for me, the doc thought I needed hyping up because I appeared lethargic from "clinical depression". I needed the opposite, something to calm my adrenal overload.

    Librium and Celexa has worked for me in the past for short term use until I felt better and returned to day to day functioning. My GP gave me a clean bill of health, and that was all I needed to feel great again. He gave me an RX for Xanax in case I felt panicky. I keep the Xanax in the med cabinet along with my Flomax for urinary urgency just in case. It's been sitting there for 15 years and I've only used half a tab once, knowing it's there has been good enough.
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2015
    tarheel_w likes this.
  8. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Tom. I was on Valium for a while but stopped and haven't needed any strong medication for anxiety.
    But I still have some and keep them in a drawer in my bathroom cabinet. I guess I keep them as a
    "Dumbo's feather" for confidence if I do need them again. But I almost forget I have them.

    Deep breathing, mindfulness, and laughing help as much or more. I hope everyone joins the free mindfulness summit starting Oct. 1. Meanwhile, I found a good video on Youtube about meditation...
    "How to Meditate, the no B.S. Guide to Meditation" by someone named Leo.
    tarheel_w likes this.
  9. tarheel_w

    tarheel_w New Member


    My husband went and saw the psychoT. The Dr. sounded great and very helpful. My husband saw the Dr. yesterday but even though he said he was feeling encouraged he is not acting that way. He knows he needs to reverse his thinking to reverse his symptoms of pain and TMS but he is almost too fearful of still feeling pain. He has stayed on anti anxiety meds and seemed as ok as he could be mentally until this appointment yesterday.

    Thank you, Tom and Walt for your replies. This PsychoT. was fine with my husband continuing the meds and encouraged him to keep taking them for now. The ones you suggested were helpful too. Neither of us knew anything about the different medications out there until this TMS diagnosis came to light. They also talked to him about relaxation techniques that you have mentioned. I had told him about what you both had suggested and I think he needed the confirmation he received when he mentioned those things to the Dr.

    I am taking it upon myself to post a list of encouraging words he can speak over himself in the morning each day as he gets ready for work on the bathroom mirror. This is actually something I thought about doing for our kids awhile back just to start their day feeling good about themselves. Starting the day not being hard on yourself is what the doctor ordered...
  10. tarheel_w

    tarheel_w New Member

    Oh, and Walt,
    My husband has been taking the Magnesium supplements. I just bought a new kind because I realized there are sooooo many different ones! I never knew about them until you mentioned it. What kind/brand do you take or suggest?

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