How to "Talk to" Your TMS?

[zclesa]

I'm wondering what is the most helpful way of "talking to" your TMS symptoms?

Do you talk to them aggressively, like "F off!"

Or is it more helpful to say something like "Thank you for trying to protect me, but I don't need you to anymore, so you can leave now."

I am aware that we are talking to the unconscious mind -- and it is only trying to help, so it seems to me that a kinder approach would be more appropriate. At the same time, I see in Alan Gordon's programme that a more aggressive approach is suggested, perhaps because this demonstrates that we are not AFRAID of the TMS, which is obviously key as well.

I'm confused. What have you found more helpful?

 

[JulieMTherapy]

I don't think it matters if it's aggressive or gentle. What matters is changing your relationship to the pain. I find that whatever works to take power away from the symptom is the best way to handle it. What have you been trying? How would you feel about experimenting?

 

[zclesa]

Thanks, Julie. I was actually a psychotherapist and my inclination is always to respect and be kind to the subconscious, rather than aggressive. It's a part of you. And as I said, it's only trying to protect you, even if it's doing its job a bit too well! I've always encouraged clients whose subconscious is producing unhelpful thoughts, anxieties, or obsessions etc. to take that approach of thanking the subconscious then firmly letting it know its approach is no longer necessary, and it's worked well for them.

So, it's my instinct to go with that. However, I'm apparently suppressing rage, so maybe I should try a different approach. I don't know what will work, as I haven't really tried it yet as I was wondering about this. I'm only just starting the program.

I'm not classically fearful about my symptoms, but I have certainly been aversive towards them, feeling frustrated, guilty, wanting rid of them all etc. So I'm currently at the stage of just using the "I don't care about the symptoms" approach and trying to get on with my life despite them. I think it would be helpful to actually "have a chat" with my subconscious though as well. I could try different approaches, but my gut says to be firm but fair.

I'm also trying to find a way of wrapping my head around getting mad and shouting at the "inner bully" and "inner neglector" parts for what they're doing. Again, they are subconscious behaviours. I wonder if there's a way to act like a teacher or parent rather than just getting mad at them. Every child gets told off by teachers or parents for bad behaviour and it doesn't hurt them if it's done from a place of care and guidance, and usually, the child will change its behaviour for the better. I'm a bit uncomfortable with shouting at a part of yourself - that's just like beating yourself up, which is never helpful in my experience.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

What matters is changing your relationship to the pain.

Nice discussion! I think, as you say zclesa, the way we relate to symptoms is habitually through conditioned patterns.

I have certainly been aversive towards them, feeling frustrated, guilty, wanting rid of them all etc.

Your "firm but understanding" is a good start! Related, I personally teach a very direct way with the Inner Critic, which is about absolutely obliterating old dynamics. Any way you can add space and "room to move" is good in all of this! Just like freshness in relationship to others.

 

[zclesa]

Thanks Andy. Due to having had a Narcissistic mother, I'm basically going to have to "re-parent" myself as part of my healing process. I would have liked an understanding, but firm, mother rather than the strict, unempathetic woman I was so terrified of. Honestly, her shouting could have shattered glass and I was always treated extremely unfairly and strictly. So, it's probably best that I avoid re-parenting myself in any way that replicates how she treated me. Understanding, loving, but being firm where it truly is in my best interests is what I will try for now. Let's see how it goes