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How to express hidden emotions?

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Ruby_, Jun 2, 2019.

  1. Ruby_

    Ruby_ New Member

    Hey dear people..
    I wanted to ask you about how to express this hidden emotions, Im sure I have TMS, but I read that its all because of past emotions which couldnt be expressed, and my problem is I dont know how to express them or even how do I find out which emotions I need to conquer or re-live??

    Im struggeling because I dont really know how to start?

    Would be very thankful for some advice!
  2. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Ruby.
    I don't know that the emotions are 'hidden' but rather 'repressed' or 'unconscious'. That means we didn't express them because we are blocked. It also means since they were blocked that they never got expressed and entered the PRISON of the unconscious where a lot of them remain forever. To distract us from bothering to look for them or deal with them we get symptoms. The symptoms are compounded by conditioning, and by, mistakenly, being told there is something wrong with us (FEAR)
    It is by acknowledging that this process goes on that we get better. One way to acknowledge it is to dig out some of the easier to find ones... the ones imposed on us by ourselves by being 'goodists' and overconscientious. Many people here have process' by which we go back through our lives and examine the things that SHOULD have made us angry but didn't, or they should have made us way angrier than they did.

    You might hear words like 'journaling' and I am sure if you use that as a search word on this site you will come across many of our techniques to shake that stuff loose. I like to call it Inventory. I am taking stock of what's in the store so to speak.... too many shelves filled with anger and they topple over.

    Also, working one on one with a therapist is also a good way to shake it loose, though it's important to remember to let them know why you want to shake them. Some states and countries have lists of TMS therapists and I think there is one on the front page of this wiki...

  3. zclesa

    zclesa Well known member

    Baseball, how can we know what SHOULD have made us angry, but didn't? I guess one method is asking yourself "If that had happened to a friend, would you have been angry on their behalf?" That might throw up a few clues. But if we're still repressing our anger, it's difficult to know what we should reasonably get angry about and what we needn't.
  4. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I can give you an example.
    I have been a musician for years. In 1993 when My son iwas one year old I finally get 'the call' every musician wants. A record label wants to sign me as an artist. I go and meet with them many times....only problem is; The signing advance and salary is relatively small.
    I work making 16 bucks an hour doing construction. For me to go and record and tour My wife and son would NOT have enough money to live on... in fact they would need more ., and every penny of my salary was necessary just for us to get by. I make the 'right' decision and refuse it. ... I go back to being a Mule
    A lot of my friends actually got pissed at me, as they said I really didn't want to make it as an artist and was copping out. That was RAGE inducing. Having to haul cinder blocks up the mountain the next day was RAGE inducing and having to listen to my One year old cry all night and keep me up was RAGE inducing and yet; I was a GOOD GUY and never felt any of that Rage. It wasn't until after I read Sarno and started to review my life that I became aware of how angry I was all the way around on that deal.....

    ..and that was just one thing...times that type of 'goodism' times 50 and you'll start to get a picture.

    The secret to why all of us have TMS is hidden in our story and our being, not in our body.

    Review your own life in that context and you might be surprised how many times you have done the RIGHT thing instead of the EGO based Childish,selfish ID thing...

    We don't have to act like ego driven selfish children to get better...just acknowledge that that 'ugly' voice is in there and being squashed.
    HattieNC and zclesa like this.
  5. zclesa

    zclesa Well known member

    That's helpful thanks, Baseball. I'm just reading "The Great Pain Deception", where Steve O. covers the way that Goodists' super-egos collude with the ego and this leaves the ID angry. So I guess, even if I didn't feel angry, and don't know if I should have, looking at all those Goodist events will show me.

    When I started writing my "past traumas" list, I actually noted beside the events, hoe it made me feel, but it was usually fear, guilt, and sadness that came up. I think I only wrote "angry" once. I guess that just totally shows how repressed my anger is, as I still can't see why I should be angry about some of them, although even reading what you just wrote, I can already see that perhaps anger would also have been justified for some, even where I haven't noted it down.

    Thank you!
  6. Ruby_

    Ruby_ New Member

    Hello Baseball,

    Thank you alot for your reply, yea I actually meant repressed.. but couldnt find the words as Im from Germany and my english is not the best..
    Im also more like zclesa, I remember more the events were I should feel more sadness, fear and guilt and anger doesnt appear quit alot, but still my anxiety and depression are there and Im not quite sure how „journaling“ helps? Im feeling that Im just digging in my past and Im not quite sure how this should help?

    Thats also my question , like even if I find some of these events where I should have other emotions, Im still feeling not at peace?

    I dont know how to describe this better, but for example Claire Weekes is telling just to accept and Dr Sarno and so on are telling more to digg in our childhood or past, so Im a bit confused now..
  7. zclesa

    zclesa Well known member

    Herzliche Gruesse Ruby!

    Have you read the book "The Great Pain Deception"? I'm reading it now and it's extremely helpful. The author managed to beat his TMS mainly by increasing activity and ignoring the pain, deconditioning the pain response. Through that physical process, he actually released rage. He really ramped up his activity. When he felt more pain, he'd be even more active, aggressively so. And when he felt less pain, he'd sometimes do a little less to "reward" his subconscious mind for stopping its tricks.

    When we have repressed emotions, we have an excess of "anger energy" in the body. So, by doing something like running hard, you're using up the extra energy and releasing the tension. That's mostly what the author did. He didn't go and see a counsellor or do any journalling (as far as I have read).

    He also used self-soothing methods after he'd run aggressively, from eating something tasty to watching comedies, to using progressive relaxation.

    Really, it's important to do what suits you in healing. So, if journalling isn't for you, don't pressure yourself into it (more pressure from our perfectionist selves!) There are other ways of releasing all that tension. As long as you recognise where the anger probably comes from, deeply believe that it is causing your symptoms, and increase activity without caring about pain, actively ignoring the pain, that can be all that may be required for healing.

    I'm going to do journalling even though I don't feel the anger because I need to make a coherent story of my life (this is not part of the TMS program, but me trying to heal from the trauma of a Narcissistic parent). So, it's a necessary thing for me, even if I don't feel the anger at first - or at all. And don't forget, we can heal through understanding and forgiveness too. We don't always have to feel or express anger in traditional ways - we just need to acknowledge where we have probably repressed it.
  8. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I don't know Claire Weekes, but I do know that 'acceptance' is the fundamental preaching of lots of personal growth guru's and movements. I myself am in a 12 step group and they beat the snot out of 'acceptance' all of the time....

    OK. Acceptance. "Saul, Saul why do you kick against the pricks?" He also had 'a thorn in his flesh' that never went away. Coincidence?

    WHAT is it you are accepting? Follow me here.... If part of my natural reaction to events and situations is to automatically repress stuff than I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM ACCEPTING!!

    Keep in mind I got over my TMS symptoms in 4-5 weeks with only a few relapses in 20 years. Something I did worked. Try everything. You can sort out what really worked later. I didn't accept anything... I was willing to throw the whole thing away if necessary and that Is NOT acceptance.

    During the recovery period I had to let in a lot of very unsavory stuff... I had to dig it out and welcome it into the house of my brain. LATER , after the pain was gone I could worry about accepting it. It was just accepting everything and being a 'nice guy' that set me up for the pain in the first place. Sarno speaks about this being particularly difficult with some people.... His euphemisms imply they were from fundamentalist families. So the 'gooder' your background the more difficult this might be. Fortunately I had been a complete A-hole for the first 20 years of my life and was only a decade into being good when the pain came (LOL)

    Women tend to get fear, guilt and sadness.... Men tend to get alienated. That's because we are different and what our respective brains 'allow' us to feel. It's response to the same stimuli, different perception. Doesn't matter. The truth is we never necessarily get to the truth. What we have to get to is "Wow... There is stuff going on inside me to which I have No access. It thinks it's protecting me but it's Not...it's Killing me with pain"

    When we start digging and postulating what was/is going on emotionally, we are doing is sending a message to the unconscious autonomic part of our brain (which is usually a couple weeks behind) that we know what is going on and NO LONGER NEED ITS HELP! I don't think it's too important if we find out or not...just that we do it with intent and honesty.

    It takes a degree of self effacement because you are admitting to yourself that you don't know what's there...just acknowledging it IS. That is why Doctors although well meaning can't acknowledge TMS... It means admitting there is a limit to the extent of their knowledge.

    In fact, TMS is one of those peculiar things where the scientific method collapses and we are back to anecdotal truth....because emotions and anger don't lend themselves to test tubes and graphs . I Love science but I also love particle/wave duality and Heisenbergs uncertainty principle which prove that the scientific method has limits. I would say the pain epidemic hasn't been solved. Can I get an Amen?

    you find what you are looking for

    and you can and will

    zclesa likes this.
  9. zclesa

    zclesa Well known member

    That is GOLDEN, Baseball. Thank you!
  10. Ruby_

    Ruby_ New Member

    Dear Baseball and zclesa,
    Thank you both for your great advice!

    Baseball Im sorry but I really didnt understand alot because of my not so good english..:oops:

    Do you mean that its not about accepting and that its more about to admit that there are these emotions and they are causing my feelings and symptoms?

    I struggle also because Im not the normal TMS case, I dont have like physical pain its mental pain- anxiety attacks, depression and chronic fatigue, therefore Instruggle with the best approach for me.. :(

    Its like a constant battle with my self..
  11. zclesa

    zclesa Well known member

    Yes, Ruby, I think you've understood what Baseball meant about admitting to yourself that you have repressed emotions that are causing your symptoms.

    I don't have much physical pain either. I have something called "Vestibular Migraine", which rarely causes me headaches like normal migraine but instead gives me symptoms of nausea, dizziness, extreme fatigue, brain fog, imbalance, tinnitus etc.

    It's tough when you have fatigue, especially when you're supposed to increase your activity levels to beat TMS. But if you TRULY, TRULY believe TMS is causing your symptoms, you'll find you'll be able to start doing it anyway. I have had 24/7 symptoms for 4-5 years. They've been so bad that I avoided many things in order to conserve energy and not provoke the dizziness.

    I only realised my illness was TMS a couple of weeks ago, but I am 100% sure I have it. Therefore I have been able to increase my activity anyway, without it actually provoking my symptoms more. I simply put my focus on something else when I'm doing these activities. When do you NOT notice your depression or anxiety? What activities can you do where you don't actually notice those symptoms at all?

    I had a shower today, something which I usually hate because it makes me feel dizzy and tired, and I felt no symptoms at all as I'd just been reading a TMS book and was thinking about what I'd read and not worrying about falling over or thinking about how tiring showering is. This stuff does work, even if you don't have "typical" TMS pain.
  12. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes. That's it. And to let the unconscious know we are on to it , a lot of us do something to 'shake it loose'...intensive self reflection, therapy, writing. The majority of Sarno's original patients got better from attending lectures on the topic so the MOST important part is exactly what you just said. Learning that is IS the emotional stuff and defusing the fear of all of that crap we learned in the Pain industry.

    If you read the forum, anxiety is some peoples prime symptom. In 'Healing Back Pain' Sarno tells a story of a guy who used to fight a lot... he was in an argument that almost turned into a fight and he decided to be 'good' and drop the argument.... Minutes later he had a panic attack. They are all tied to the autonomic nervous system.

    I'll tell you one that almost EVERY adult has had. You are driving your car. Something happens..either another driver not paying attention or even you ; you ALMOST get into a horrible accident.

    About 10-30 seconds later just as you are relaxing and going 'Oh my god... I almost just died' Your heart starts pumping so hard you can actually feel it in your chest. Your face flushes and gets hot
    That is a shot of Adrenalin to your heart . In our evolutionary biology when we were being faced with a life and death situation our bodies evolved to save us by pumping extra blood to our body so we could RUN faster or FIGHT harder. It hasn't gone away just because the odds of being chased by a bear or attacked by a rival have gone down...

    Now..imagine a person whose conscious Brain constantly feels under assault...watching the news, problems at work or with family... Your autonomic goes haywire and makes all sorts of inconvenient symptoms

    Because of technology we are the most harassed that people have ever been.... and our bodies didn't get time to evolve with it....

    TMS is a coping mechanism gone awry... but we can participate in the normalization and healing
    HattieNC likes this.

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