How to deal with uncertainty

[Time2be]

My problem seems to be how to deal with uncertainty. There is so much uncertainty connected to my symptoms: right now tooth pain and gum pain, I had surgery and I have a deep bite, missing teeth change the bite, probably therefore I have inflammation of the gum. But that’s not the important part. The important part is that I want to have certainty, if possible immediately. People saying : “wait and see, the pain will go away, you need some time after surgery”, this freaks me out. And then I get uncertain about every little symptom. What is it a sign for? The tooth needed to go, it was diseased. But you can react in a TMS like fashion to what happens afterwards, amplifying the pain. And creating new symptoms.
Now, I found out that I have huge problems dealing with uncertainty. I am constantly surveying: is this a symptom for something serious? How many experts should I ask? This is exhausting and keeps the anxiety running. The anxiety wants to control things, but more control feeds anxiety. And the uncertainty that is a necessary part of life feels then unbearable. There are of course realms in my life where I can deal with uncertainty. Just not with physical symptoms of the body. I am not sure about emotions.
How do you process uncertainty?

 

[Cactusflower]

Consider that it actually might not be uncertainty you are afraid of, but the fear itself.
Fear is a double edged sword, and some of us feel it, some of us THINK it. The ultimate goal is to allow ourselves to feel it as an emotion and let it pass through us.
If we hang on and cling to the fear and the fear thoughts which is what fuels the fear, we can get stuck in more of a state of fear which doesn't pass like it would emotionally. It can take a little time to let go of this fear, but in general letting go is what leads to reducing symptoms. Letting go of the things we tell ourselves as truths, and recognizing thoughts that are distractions to living our lives now (eg. want certainty NOW).
Let's break it down a little bit: "I have huge problems dealing with uncertainty". Uncertainty isn't a problem, it's a fact of life. When our minds are stuck in this kind of little phase (it IS just a phase, and knowing that is reassuring) even if we were offered certainty, our mind would find something else to cling on to and you would react the same way...because it's the REACTION (which is kind of dramatic, knee jerk, running from screaming and gut level) that is what you want to soften. The idea is to learn to RESPOND (slowly turning toward, taking a breath even if it's after a reaction (OH NO!) and lessening the judgement on ourselves that how we are thinking, or feeling or even reacting is "wrong" or "a problem". How about it's just were you are at now as you learn a new way to be. That is a LOT less pressure, it's a lot less judgy, and a lot kinder to yourself.
We understand you want to be out of pain, but as you've clearly illustrated above, the suffering isn't really the physical symptom, it's the rumination, anxiety and worry that goes along with it and this takes time and patience to flip that little switch. You also don't need to flip the switch with heavy determination, with a strong will....all it takes is being able to flip the switch gently, and sometimes. Not every time. This is SUCCESS.
You don't need to process a single thing. You don't need to "deal" with anything. If learning about emotions seem too overwhelming right now, then back off a bit. Not fully, just a bit.
Think about what being successful means to you now and how that manifested in your life?
How successful are you feeling about learning these skills?
Think about responsibility and those that you like or feel confident with and those that make you a bit jittery or you tend to want to push away. Do you feel responsibility in doing this work?

You simply need to face your fears by allowing them to hang out and not believe every single nasty negative thing your mind says about your pain or about you or about how you are "dealing" with it. This is a judgement towards yourself that you are not dealing with it well enough. We aren't perfect as we learn. We are messy and that's OK. That's how we learn. It's actually a lot easier than it sounds and Claire Weekes breaks it all down.

Claire Weekes has 4 steps to learn to deal with fear and anxiety. All uncertainty is is fear and anxiety. Try practicing these steps, and see if over the next few weeks you can teach yourself a way to respond that serves you better: https://www.claireweekespublications.com/the-4-steps.html?srsltid=AU7gw4VKZlzht5Jlu4XPA7cvd-CpyUgbhcTUiJ9VqQ8lpZvV9WlIFd39 (The 4 Steps)

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

How do you process uncertainty?

My first thought is that you firstly make sure to validate that experience and appreciate that it is fully normal as part of the TMS process. Often the biggest reason why someone can't process any emotion is because there's the additional guilt and shame for having it in the first place, basically saying "I shouldn't feel this way".

Beyond that, gain as much certainty as you can based on the situation. It's true that time will provide that as if the pain disappears shortly then it was likely just normal post-surgery pain. If it doesn't, then it's highly likely to be TMS. That's just the way it is. You can also gain certainty through what the medical professionals/dentists are telling you - based on their experience and medical expertise. If they start getting confused, then that's a great sign that it is TMS (as they very likely aren't versed in it). The fact that you've been told it's atypical odontalgia is basically the same thing as being told you have TMS, as that "diagnosis" (it's not really a diagnosis to me) is a fancy way of saying we don't know why you're in pain. Finally, if the big fear is that something is wrong, Dr Schubiner's FIT criteria can also give potentially give you some comfort there

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I also like to ask myself if what I'm feeling can be linked to the evolutionary purpose of our survival mechanisms - never forgetting that the brain process that we call TMS is a natural, evolutionarily-developed function of that mechanism. But it's also quite primitive, not having had a chance to catch up with the completely different stressors of the modern world.

Our brains naturally dislike uncertainty, because it could lead to a failure to survive in the primitive world, where dangers were fairly obvious and immediate, and were usually quickly resolved one way or another. This is not the case in the modern world, and we need to readjust our outlook accordingly, since our survival brains can't do that.

The mental health toll of world-wide uncertainty became a hot topic in 2020 as the pandemic ramped up and showed no signs of resolution - and honestly, looking around, it's kind of been one thing after another ever since. You can't do much about the existential uncertainties out in the world, but you can help yourself by looking at the things you can control and one of those is to be rational about your health care, and to visualize the outcome you want, in accordance with normal expectations, for whatever treatments you agree to, rather than catastrophizing over every little post-treatment symptom.

Ask yourself whether the catastrophizing and ruminating are serving you in your recovery? It is a well-known observation that patients who are proactive, engaged, and positive about their prognosis have the best outcomes! Make that your goal.