Hello, everyone!
I have not been able to participate in forum discussions a whole lot or respond to direct messages. This is not due to any health-related issues or negative events; in fact, I’m living my best life and happier than ever! I’ve been lucky to be involved with some amazing opportunities and new responsibilities. Two years ago, back when I was sure my life was over, I would’ve never pictured being this content. I even managed to overcome a few losses and some hardships this year without breaking down as I surely would have in the past. This year has been filled with professional endeavors, personal growth and experiences, heartbreak, travel and adventures, stress, elation, laughter, tears, etc. And I'm embracing it all. Life feels precious and beautiful.
I want to reiterate: as Steve Ozanich says, when you’re having symptoms, don’t panic - ask yourself why your body feels the need to experience them. Don’t worry about how long it took this person to heal, if that person had flare ups, etc. You are an individual, and it all boils down to understanding what’s actually happening, relaxing yourself, believing you are safe, and moving on with life.
It really is that simple. It’s certainly okay to receive support from loved ones, therapists, doctors, and members on this board, but remember that
it’s ultimately up to you to get to that peaceful place. And everybody can! Yes, that does indeed include
you.
When going through this journey, I always advise people to work with doctors who understand the mind-body connection. They don’t have to be “TMS” or Sarno experts, but they should recognize how the mind affects the body. This will allow you to trust your medical team to distinguish the structural from the psychological (and be able to spot a blend of both - e.g., pain from true nerve damage worsened by emotional stress).
With regard to overcoming your symptoms, there are multiple points of consideration I'd like to elaborate on:
REASSURANCE SEEKING
At the end of the day, reassurance seeking and becoming reliant on reassurance from others will only perpetuate the cycle of symptoms. I understand this more than anybody else - my mother and doctors had to be direct with me when I was experiencing my issues a few years ago. I now realize I made the mistake of enabling reassurance seeking patterns with numerous forum members who wanted advice from me. I didn’t encourage people enough to break that cycle.
I still believe in you all and always will, and you’ve got to believe in yourself, too! It’s all about healthily balancing and managing your life. Those are my keys to healing. What is it about the way you view and handle life that is stressing your body out so badly? How can you change your perception of life and develop positive strategies for living your best life yet?
My mom and I recently had a situation where someone close to us was constantly seeking reassurance. It was eye opening for us to see how indulging individual's reassurance seeking patterns impacted their ability to move on. I want to support everyone as much as I possibly can, but I also need to not disrupt one fostering their own independence!
I am so incredibly sorry that I have been unable to answer every question and direct message. I wish I could respond to everyone, but it’s not feasible for me anymore, and I want to be careful about enabling reassurance seeking and dependency. It’s not beneficial to you.
Here is a great Reddit post on how reassurance seeking further creates anxiety (
note: this is not my post, nor do I have a Reddit account, so I cannot take credit for any part of the conversation). Plus, private messaging does not allow for others to benefit from the insight shared. With that said...
THE MIND-BODY CONNECTION: A HUMAN EXPERIENCE
For everyone asking me how I’ve healed, this entire thread explains how I did it. For those who have requested my opinion regarding whether your symptoms are caused by the mind-body connection, unless you have an issue like a broken bone or cystic fibrosis, the answer is yes. And even then,
the mind-body connection can make wounds heal much slower and cystic fibrosis patients die way faster (remember how Bobbi Campbell talked about seeing this with cancer and AIDS patients). Also, if you continue to experience foot pain after your broken foot heals, you’d better believe it’s the mind-body connection! The symptoms you are experiencing are normal and an extremely human response to an increasingly stressful world our more primitive ancestors didn’t live in. Steve Ozanich is correct when he says there are very few permanent and unchangeable conditions.
Please understand that flare-ups are normal. As I always say, the mind and the body are deeply connected, and everybody experiences mind-body symptoms - whether it’s an eye twitch when you’re angry, blushing when you’re embarrassed, CRPS after a traumatic event, depression after a divorce, etc. I had some pains earlier this year after significant stress, but I asked myself why my body felt the need to experience symptoms, ensured I was managing my emotions in an appropriate manner, and then went back to living life. And I’m feeling FAB! This is why I am super careful about people saying, “I have TMS.” You don’t have TMS like someone has strep throat. Again, the only thing you have is a normal bodily response to emotions. For some people, the response is minor (blushing when embarrassed); for others, it’s more severe (CRPS).
CHANGING YOUR LIFE
I will quote myself: do not forget neuroplasticity and how the brain changes throughout your entire life. Beautiful new neural connections are forming every day. Your management and perception of life can change. Think about how much freedom you have to start the process of changing your entire life today - physically, mentally, and emotionally!
You are not stuck in this place forever.
Neuroplasticity and changing your life takes time. You have to be determined and put in effort to create the new habits and behaviors. This is not an overnight process. Maybe cognitive behavioral therapy will get you there. Perhaps visualization and meditation. You have to do what works for you.
TAKING IT PERSONALLY
In addition to commonly discussed traits like perfectionism, another trend I’ve noticed is that many people who are suffering continue to internalize their interactions and experiences with others. If you can relate, it’s important to work on being overly sensitive; clearly communicate your thoughts to others so you can properly avoid “blowing up,” spiraling, and/or becoming a doormat; and move forward without letting negativity dominate your entire reality. As one recent and less dire example, I recently had a friend vocalize some rude thoughts to me, and I could’ve gone on for days about how they “wronged” me. Everyone would’ve agreed with me and been on my side. But I asked myself if I wanted to drain myself of energy. I took a deep breath, told the friend in a reasonable manner why I disagreed with them, and moved on regardless of their response to me. I had to prevent myself from letting it own me and weigh me down, and I needed to accept whatever happened next. I wasn’t able to consistently let go in the past.
You must avoid being a victim in everything that happens to you in life - both in the past and present. We have to learn how to not utterly shatter and break in a world that isn’t ever going to be 100% fair. You can’t help make the world a better place if you're easily broken. I am much more than a queer person who was born into some chaos and had some pretty horrific things happen to me and my family. It really is true that you can’t control the world, but you can control your response to it. When it comes to horrific events, nobody can tell you to just "get over it." You may never forget it. In addition, we all get angry or upset from time to time, and that's normal and can be healthy if managed well. However, it’s all about how you choose to handle the situation and let it affect your perception of life. Become a survivor who finds a way to overcome anything. Never let anything or anyone else define you. Love yourself. Be a bad ass!
Classic:
FINAL THOUGHTS
I’m not perfect, an expert, a doctor, a health coach, a counselor, etc. I’m just a regular person who experienced symptoms due to powerful emotions and not managing my life in a healthy manner. You are going to be okay, I promise.
