I've been watching many of Steve Ozanich's videos (love him!) lately and I had some a-ha moments when he was discussing how we all have fear of abandonment even if we have not been physically abandoned. That fear always exists. In recent years I've struggled to create my "tribe," to find those people who I can depend on and share with and allowing toxic relationships to fall away or end them myself. It's probably the hardest thing I've done in my life. But it was something I had to do to preserve and re-create some happiness in my life and realize I'm worthy of people who treat me well. But I still haven't been able to create or find my tribe, still have very people in my life who accept me as I am. I've tried to focus on the few people in my life (most are long distance), to be grateful for them. Have even tried finding the silver lining in being alone. But it all goes back to having many loved ones equals being loved and accepted - if I don't have people in my life there must be something wrong with me (when I was diagnosed with depression years ago, which luckily I don't suffer from nearly as bad these days, the doctor even told me I needed more friends, which, at the time, I had a very large, wonderful tribe.) In relation to TMS, this self-doubt, of course, makes my TMS flair up and it's just a cycle of trying to believe I'm worthy of love in order to reduce my symptoms and back to my "evidence" of not having "enough" people in my life must mean I'm not worthy (I KNOW the former is true, but it sure can be a challenge when the evidence is not there).