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How do I explain this to others?

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Hummingbird, Feb 16, 2017.

  1. Hummingbird

    Hummingbird Peer Supporter

    I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER. I don't know how to explain my miraculous and short recovery to ALL the family and people that know. I had an SI ligament injury that I believed was permanent (as I cried to them all when I was told I could never do yoga or jog again). Now after realized I had TMS I have resumed yoga and keeping it quiet from others because I do not know how to explain this to people that I am pretty sure will think this is CRAZY and I am CRAZY. Now, after debilitating arm nerve pain for 8 months I started happily painting my kitchen cupboards today. My poor mother is stressing right out. I told her I am better, but she is afraid I am going to permanently damage myself after all the stuff the docs have said. I tried to rehearse how to explain to her... I just want to say, here is a book read this and talk to me about it after, but I feel like that is a lot to ask for her to support me. Ughh, anyone have any tips? I see in my own writing my TMS personality here (I care what people think...) Perhaps I should just tell them and not care what they think? Easier said than done for me lol.
    MindBodyPT likes this.
  2. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    The best way is to simply be a shining example of healing. I would resist the urge to become evangelical, which I know can be strong and well-intentioned, because you will inevitably find yourself facing disbelief and long, complicated explanations. If someone seems genuinely interested then by all means give them a book so that they may read for themselves, but other than that I'd let things be. Give your mum a big hug and tell her that you are feeling better but are still mindful and you won't push too far (soothe her fears). It's lovely that she is concerned because she cares for you. You can't change a deeply entrenched belief system in a conversation, it takes time and experience. Focus on your healing and let her and anyone else get drawn into the slipstream. Also, be aware that there is a chasm of difference between caring what people think because you know they fret out of love and being a people-pleaser whose concern for what others think is based upon anxiety and low self-esteem which seeks approval. BIG difference. Alan Gordon wrote about that somewhere on the forum and I would find it but my battery is about to go kaput...

    Plum x
  3. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

  4. MindBodyPT

    MindBodyPT Beloved Grand Eagle

    It's a tough spot to be in! I encountered this from some people who didn't understand and I didn't feel it was appropriate to explain TMS to. Just keep reassuring them you're feeling much better, your pain is much less and you're being careful with your activity to not do anything unwise or that causes you discomfort. Great that you're back to yoga- me too!
  5. Hummingbird

    Hummingbird Peer Supporter


    Your words were soothing for me to read. Thank you for posting this reply for me. I am still turning your response over in my mind. My immediate takeaway in summary - Focus on my healing. Respond to the concern of others with understanding and reassurance (for their fears) without needing to educate them in a convincing seminar of TMS that my intuition tells me would increase their anxiety for me in the short term. I will reread your post and the link you shared above, as to let them percolate deeper. I believe some journal explorations for me are blooming. The words have resonated with me deeply, thank you again.
    David88 likes this.
  6. Hummingbird

    Hummingbird Peer Supporter


    I feel happy hearing you are back to yoga too! I feeling like I am taking my life back - little bit by bit. After Plum's and your response I am feeling a relief that I don't have to make people understand TMS, that I can reassure them without explaining everything.

    Honestly I feel my healing is more than enough for me to process right now

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