Here to Heal

Hey all. I figured it was time to post a this-is-me thread, so here I go.

Almost to the date of returning to this forum, I initially signed up to this site last summer--August 2016. At that time, I was dealing with low back or hip pain, and I was ready to seek medical attention. I have severe scoliosis, for which I wore a Milwaukee back brace, in the late 70's. I have a double S curvature of the spine, and surgery was actually offered up as an option. Thankfully, my orthopedic surgeon was not pushing it, and only mentioned it once.

A couple of years ago, I started to notice more spine or hip pain. I couldn't exactly tell. It came and went. Usually, it improved with walking (I walk four miles a day, when possible.) By late summer, however, it was feeling worse. I started using a heating pad, and I tried rubbing ointment on the pained area. Eventually, I couldn't ride on our rough country roads, as I could feel every bump. At that point, my husband suggested that I read his well-shared Healing Back Pain book, by Dr. Sarno. I was very familiar with it, but I had never had reason to apply it to myself.

Before getting through the first chapter, my pain level lifted to a much improved degree. I kept reading, found this site, posted a few times, and after about a month, I was good to go. Yet, here I am again, this year, with shifted issues.

Mostly what I am experiencing is felt in the low spine. I get popping and crackling vertebrae, pinches when I bend or shift positions in a chair, and a hamstring that wants desperately to tighten back up. (I have worked through that one, but it tries to tease me.) Since returning to this site and fast forwarding through Alan's program, I am getting a handle on the hamstring and am working on the rest. The funny thing? The pinches take place on my right, yet the hamstring that wants to tighten is on my left.

I suspect that I have Spondy, I suspect that I have some disc issues, and I KNOW that I have scoliosis. I don't even want to see what today's X-ray might look like. If and unless I discover that this is not TMS, however, I will not be seeing a doctor. My symptoms come and go throughout the day, though most of the predictable movements bring the same expected pains. Yet, not. LOL. I am beginning to aim at those predictable movements by self-talking ahead of the movement. Of course, that isn't always possible.

Currently, my main course of mindful work involves taking note of a pain or tightness, telling myself that I am safe and strong, and carrying on with my intentions. I welcome any and all discussion with those who can relate or wish to share about their own experiences.

 

Hi Plumcrazy - I'm new around here and recently started my own TMS healing journey. You have a tough situation I think because you are aware of and have seen the curvature in your spine so it's made a very strong correlation in your mind to the pain. I had a similar experience when I made the mistake of looking at MRI images of my thoracic & cervical which shows degenerated discs throughout. I have to remind myself that it's all part of the aging process and NOT associated with my episodes of pain.

Just remember whenever you have an episode of pain try to associate it with what you were feeling or thinking about recently that may have triggered your body's pain reaction. Likewise try to consciously capture moments where you're doing something physical but not having pain. I'm finding that these conscious differentiations are helping me to re-condition my brain into knowing that my pain symptoms are the results of emotions and not anything physical I was doing at the time. As a result it's becoming easier to beat back the underlying feelings of anxiety and fear associated with the pain itself. Talking to yourself or writing a note to yourself can also be helpful. If your pain pushes you around then push back at it by telling it to knock it off or physically do something to remind it who's really in charge! Best of luck!

 

Thank you, Undying, and welcome here! I definitely have been working on trying to get my head into the psychological, more often. You are right when you say that those images of old X-rays cannot be erased. Add to that the fact that my doctor, way back then, said that I would experience arthritis when I reached my 40's or so. Hey, I have done well for being beyond that age.

We got this! Right??

 

Oh geez, can't believe your doctor made that comment. I'm sure that subconsciously that's not helping your situation.

I remember when I learned about my father dealing with a lot of back pain in adulthood. He had surgery on it about 10yrs ago and I know I've thought my own back issues are somehow hereditary and that I'm also destined for surgery. Of course that's not true but it's hard to convince my mind otherwise. The power of suggestion - be it from your doctor or my father - is a very powerful thing to the primitive part of the mind.

 

I have to think these otherwise benign messages turn into something more, for those of us who are TMS prone. I can also hear my mom's constant words to me: "Be careful! You are going to hurt your back." Thud.

Yes, you will always think of your dad's medical history, etc. It is up to us to work on defying that "logic."

I have a friend on Facebook who just had a second surgery, yesterday, to clean up and remove some hardware from the back surgery that she had a year ago. The hope is that it will alleviate the pain that she continues to have. I keep thinking how awful it must be to keep having pain, especially after going through repeated surgeries. What a....pain, and what a drain to the pocketbook. We also have another friend who is looking to have his bone spurs, etc., cleaned up so that he can get relief from his issues. I have mentioned Sarno's book, but I have to be careful not to preach it. People can write you off as flaky, easily suggestive, etc. I find that those who are not open to this tend to get defensive. Whoa.

 

Plumcrazy - I can totally relate. The more I've learned about TMS the more people around me I'm convinced probably have it as well.

For example, one of my co-workers has frequent and very loud sneezes. He swears it only happens here at work. He always says, "it's something with this building". He's partly right of course but he doesn't realize it's his mind's emotionally driven response to something here that he's not acknowledging.

Also, I have a neighbor who's about the same age as me. He says he's had nerve pain in his lower back for a long time and that he had an MRI that shows a herniation at L5. However, I see him doing major physical work all the time around his house. He says his pain only occurs when he sits. Him and his family are deeply religious and show extreme signs of being "goodists".

Not surprisingly his wife also suffers from pain in her hip which she claims is the result of a pregnancy. She frequently posts things on Facebook about how to live a better life for God and how turn your impure thoughts away from temptation (see, classic "goodist"). She also posts things like, "why can't I seem to lose weight and keep it off" - so she cleary has an unkind view of herself.

Anyway, unfortunately the husband has been slowly moving towards surgery despite my efforts to convince him otherwise. He goes in 2wks to start facet joint injections in his back. I've provided him with a link to this site and a couple of books on TMS. I hope he gives it real consideration but I cannot dwell on it. I've done what I can by providing a doorway to the knowledge, he has to step through it.

 

It is unfortunate that your husband won't heed your advice. Makes for you doing a lot of knuckle-biting, I'm sure.
It is interesting that you mention Christianity. As a Christian, myself, I have found that the hardest thing to do is to allow anger to surface. Well, kinda sorta. It isn't that I don't get angry or can't get angry, but there is that tendency to suppress. Not an impossible feat, though.

 

Eureka day!! Significant improvement in lower back region, and no burning in the hamstring upon squatting. Best K have felt in weeks. Now that I am getting a handle on this, I suppose I will have to address the pesky wrist and forearm issue, next. One flip at a time. LOL

 

the anger that you may manifest can be relieved with true forgiveness. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful modalities for psychological healing (TMS) However, if we lose control at times and let our anger manifest, then this is a healthy release mentally and we are not suppressing our emotions. This may not be the best advice from a Christian point of view, but

concerning the Christian aspect of being a goodist, I believe there is a huge difference between doing the right thing as opposed to being a people pleaser. Doing the right thing is a moral choice that should be a liberating experience... ( And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free Jn. 8:32) Now trying to please all people in every scenario will definitely create mental and physical problems, but as a Christian you are not called to fix everyone's problems...just to love and encourage them. The dark side of us (the child primitive) is tantamount to the human condition of self absorption and rebellion. This is the beast that needs exposed to the light and then we need to forgive ourselves for that past behavior. Also, there is nothing wrong with a little anger when called for. JMHO...

 

Thank you for your thought-provoking and thoughtful reply, Ripsboy. Sound thoughts! We aren't finished with learning and growing until we are...done. Thank you.

 

Sorry Plum...I hope I didn't come off as a TMS expert...because I definitely am not. I am learning like every other newbie. However, after reading Healing Back Pain & The Great Pain Deception and listening to hours of testimonies, I'm convinced that a significant part of the Mind / Body syndrome is spiritual in nature. The TMS teachers expound on how important it is to not dwell on the pain, but believe that you are already healed. They say that obsessing on the pain merely confirms the mind that something is physically wrong and the pain continues...but believing that nothing is physically wrong is the first step toward freedom. This line of thinking is confirmed in the scriptures... ( As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he Prov. 23:7 ) get well soon...

 

to reply to this, when you feel or think what trigger the pain, what do you do to face it?

 

It is all good. Your remark about the spiritual is very interesting because, just this past weekend, I loaned our Healing Back Pain book to a friend who requested it. We both started to discuss the Christian aspect, and I said that I likened it to possibly being sort of the science behind healing oneself through faith. Your scriptural reference is perfect.

Be well, yourself. A day at a time!

 

In my opinion, I feel that we need to keep reminding ourselves that just because there is/may be physical blips on the xrays, or whatever, Dr. Sarno has explained to us that his case studies overwhelmingly reveal no physical cause for our pain. Then, we work on the psychological stuff and ignore what we have seen. Are you familiar with Alan Gordon's latest 21 day program on this site? It is brilliant.