Help! Pain and panic

[Time2be]

I did so well for some months and now I am in pain again, since three weeks. It is the usual, bladder pain and pain in the urethra, feels like a urinary infection. I kept calm, checked my urin three times at home for bacteria (you can buy stripes at the pharmacy, they check if there is nitrit in the urin). But you cannot check for all bacteria, there are some you only find, if the doctor makes a culture. I consider to go to my doctor and ask for this check. I think that would be wise to rule out a simple infection.
On the other hand: I only had 2 urinary infections in the last 20 years since I have this pain. So the chances that it is something other than TMS this time are fairly low.
I don’t really know what to do. Asking for reasons why I have pain I can easily come up with an answer, it is stress and the workload that keeps me so busy and makes me so exhausted that I don’t have a life left besides work, eating and sleeping. A bit of relaxing in the evening, though. Since one year I take 10 mg Amitriptyline to calm down my nervous system. I was simply panicking last year, having anxiety attacks. I never took pain killers, because I didn’t want to be dependant upon them. Now I sometimes (four or five times a year) take a painkiller that works for me. It is a substance that is forbidden in the US because of some side effects, though it is often used in Germany and some other countries. My German doctor said that it would be okay to take them occasionally. The usual over the counter pain killers don’t work at all. And I don’t take anything stronger, no opioids ...
and I feel the panic coming. It is not that I believe that it is something structural or that I have IC. It is more that I dread these weeks ahead with the pain, not knowing when it will be really bad. Sitting in meetings with the pain. Waiting that it stops. I feel utterly helpless. Although I mastered a pain attack in July with calming down, writing about my feelings, doing the meditations Dr. Schubiner recommends. I could try that again, but this time I am so busy that it is difficult to do it. But I guess I need to, otherwise I wind myself up in this vicious circle and will have anxiety attacks.
Would it be okay to have a urin check? If I know that there is nothing, I could do all what is necessary. Or is this just my brain talking me into not looking at it purely psychological?
By the way: I cannot distinguish between TMS bladder pain and a urinary infection.
Hope you have some ideas!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I know how frustrating this indecision can be. So if you can do one fairly simple thing to rule out an infection, you should just go ahead and do it. Because that will give YOU the strength to fight your primitive brain's desire to keep you down and keep you thinking negatively.

The more often this happens, the better you will get at it, I promise. One day you will automatically see what your brain is doing to sabotage you, and you'll be able to turn it around much more quickly.

 

[birdsetfree]

I agree with JanAtheCPA, no harm getting it checked. When it comes back negative you can use this as more evidence for the psychological basis of your symptoms and grow confidence in your health. Try not to anticipate the pain, this is bargaining with it which will give the pain more power. Just accept that the pain will probably come as you are still active in your journey to recovery but that when it does come you have the tools to cope with it. You are insightful in that you have seen the correlation between your stress and the symptoms and this is the time to up your self care. Taking care of your emotional state as a priority and as a new habit will eventually turn things around.

 

[plum]

I don’t really know what to do. Asking for reasons why I have pain I can easily come up with an answer, it is stress and the workload that keeps me so busy and makes me so exhausted that I don’t have a life left besides work, eating and sleeping.

I agree with the other replies; get a test for the reassurance and use it to fortify your faith. However I've singled out this part of your question as the key. I always endure the worst TMS has to offer when I am stressed out and frazzled. Sometimes life plays hardball and you have to do your best to ride it out but it helps immensely to do anything and everything you can to reduce the pressure. Once you're out of the frying pan look at your life to see where you can exert better boundaries and sustainable self-care routines. As you build resilience in these ways, TMS loses it's hold and things soften and get easier.

Make Time to be You.

Sending you love meantime.

Plum x

 

[Time2be]

Thanks so much for your replies. The tests came back negative, from both my general practitioner and the lab at the hospital (what is what they do to be sure). So, yes, it is TMS. And you all are so right. Better boundaries, not falling into old traps (like not saying No to too much work). And then take better care of myself. It became so natural for me to think of my needs when all others had been seen to. I noticed also that I am not good in making breaks. So, today I work in the garden and after three hours I made a break and have some lunch. Before I sometimes just worked until I was finished or it was getting dark.
And I really have to stick to the TSM explanation and not try to keep the so-called bladder diet or starting eating gluten free etc. I tried this the last 5 years for several times and what I ate had no influence on my pain whatsoever. After three months on a really difficult diet that makes it especially complicated to eat out, I always stopped the whole diet approach and said to my self: what the heck, if you have pain then at least you should have nice food! After some days the pain often stopped! So, no I dont go this road, but I notice that it is popping up in my mind and trying to make me doubtful.
The 20th. November I will have surgery for the thyroid gland. I have cold lumps and they say they always take them and parts of the gland out. I am not afraid, it seems standard procedure. But I was surprised. I didn’t went to the doctor because I felt that the thyroid and the cyst I also have there, is bothering me. He told me that he wanted to have an ultra sound check. I think there I can see the difference between TMS symptoms and other diseases. I even don’t bother to look it up on the internet.
I what to thank you again for your wonderful replies! It is amazing what insights you have gained during your journey with TMS.
So, I keep on going ...
Pernille

 

[Time2be]

This is really getting difficult. I still have pain, sone days it is a bit better, others, like today I needed to take a pain killer. It feels like a UTI and don’t have one. I still check once a week with sticks at home. Now I feel the fear creeping up in me. I catastrophize. I then think that now (since last week or so) I might have caught an infection. Ridiculous, I know rationally. And also it is somehow unbelievable that I still, after so many years with this pain, are surprised who sad this psychosomatic pain can be.
Maybe I am afraid of the upcoming surgery. The 20 November I have surgery for the thyroid. And I don’t have family here where I live. A friend promised me to help me when I come home. But still, I am afraid.
Do others start smoking in periods with pain? I know that it is the stupidest thing to do, but it is so difficult to resist!
Sometimes I think that I never will overcome this pain. It will always catch me and bring me down, no matter what I do. New neural pathways? Is this really possible after 20 years? It seems so me that the pain pathways are very strong. I do also have normal pathways, because I also have periods without pain. But they seem to be weak.
I am really at my wits end here. I did overwork yes, and that caused pain and the feeling of hopelessness. But I tackled it! Why doesn’t it stop?

 

[Ellen]

New neural pathways? Is this really possible after 20 years? It seems so me that the pain pathways are very strong. I do also have normal pathways, because I also have periods without pain. But they seem to be weak.

Yes! Many of us have formed new neural pathways after decades. But it takes time to build new ones along with patience, consistency, and persistence. Keep overriding the pain pathways by telling yourself "I'm fine, strong and healthy. There is nothing wrong with my body." This will build those new pathways. You can do it. Just hang in there and be very kind to yourself along the way.

 

[Time2be]

Thanks Ellen! I will do that. Sometimes it is difficult to leave this regressive feeling behind and make the necessary leap to trust and courage. In the end it also is a leap of faith.
Thanks again ...