I did so well for some months and now I am in pain again, since three weeks. It is the usual, bladder pain and pain in the urethra, feels like a urinary infection. I kept calm, checked my urin three times at home for bacteria (you can buy stripes at the pharmacy, they check if there is nitrit in the urin). But you cannot check for all bacteria, there are some you only find, if the doctor makes a culture. I consider to go to my doctor and ask for this check. I think that would be wise to rule out a simple infection. On the other hand: I only had 2 urinary infections in the last 20 years since I have this pain. So the chances that it is something other than TMS this time are fairly low. I don’t really know what to do. Asking for reasons why I have pain I can easily come up with an answer, it is stress and the workload that keeps me so busy and makes me so exhausted that I don’t have a life left besides work, eating and sleeping. A bit of relaxing in the evening, though. Since one year I take 10 mg Amitriptyline to calm down my nervous system. I was simply panicking last year, having anxiety attacks. I never took pain killers, because I didn’t want to be dependant upon them. Now I sometimes (four or five times a year) take a painkiller that works for me. It is a substance that is forbidden in the US because of some side effects, though it is often used in Germany and some other countries. My German doctor said that it would be okay to take them occasionally. The usual over the counter pain killers don’t work at all. And I don’t take anything stronger, no opioids ... and I feel the panic coming. It is not that I believe that it is something structural or that I have IC. It is more that I dread these weeks ahead with the pain, not knowing when it will be really bad. Sitting in meetings with the pain. Waiting that it stops. I feel utterly helpless. Although I mastered a pain attack in July with calming down, writing about my feelings, doing the meditations Dr. Schubiner recommends. I could try that again, but this time I am so busy that it is difficult to do it. But I guess I need to, otherwise I wind myself up in this vicious circle and will have anxiety attacks. Would it be okay to have a urin check? If I know that there is nothing, I could do all what is necessary. Or is this just my brain talking me into not looking at it purely psychological? By the way: I cannot distinguish between TMS bladder pain and a urinary infection. Hope you have some ideas!