Hello everyone! Been a while since posting, but I am suffering and could use some encouragement. My TMS is much better than it was at one point, and like many, I have good days (weeks) and bad ones. Here is my current situation... I was laid off from my (terrible) day job of 12 years in July of this year. This is a good thing. I am collecting unemployment and I got a decent severance, in return for signing an NDA and some other red tape stuff. I'm running through my severance pretty fast, so I have to get my other gig up and running ASAP, which is photography. I'm a professional photographer by trade (the job I left had nothing to do with it), so this has been a great time to work on my passion, which is making a living with my camera. I've made major strides in this area, gone from barely being able to hold my camera up without shoulder and neck pain, to being able to do a full shoot with very little discomfort, just some soreness after that is usually gone after a day or two. Here is my question, I apologize for the rant... I have "de-conditioned" myself to former triggers, for the most part, such as driving, shooting, laying in bed with my laptop (I had a physical therapist tell me this was the cause of all my neck and back pain!) and various other triggers. BUT...every single time I sit in my computer chair (where I do most of my serious post-production photography work and re-touching), I get neck spasm and upper back pain between my shoulder blades. Especially if I slouch, which aforementioned PT also told me was cause of my neck pain. I'm a patient of Dr. David Schechter's, who has confirmed I have TMS, just in case anyone doubts it. Whoa, stopping myself here. Who is doubting me? I am! I still am convinced something is wrong with my neck and back. Which I know is baloney. A few weeks ago, I had a bout of terrible GERD and acid reflux, followed by a bad cold, and during that time I had ZERO shoulder, neck or back pain of any kind. The moment my tummy and cold got better, my neck and shoulder blade pain returned, with a vengeance. I also had an interesting dream where my unconscious (he looked like the devil, but told me he was my "rage") had a younger version of myself hung up on meat hooks RIGHT WHERE MY PAIN IS! And when I asked who could get him down, the "unconscious devil" told me "Only you can, Superman". And I realized that in the dream, I was dressed like my childhood hero, Superman! I tried to get myself down off the hooks but awoke before I could. In the dream, the young man on the hooks was sobbing and the unconscious devil was taunting me like a bully. I was bullied quite badly as a kid, and used to get stomach aches every day before school, which became "IBS" in my 20's and "allergies" in my 30's. In my 40's, it became chronic neck and shoulder pain, which vanishes when my IBS or allergies kick back up. Dr. Schechter is convinced it is ALL a form of TMS and that I have had it my whole life. It's just never been neck or shoulder pain until now (started about two years ago). It's been a hell of a struggle, but thanks to Dr. Sarno's books, I finally realize what has been "on my back" my whole life. TMS!!!! But still, I doubt! So, dear friends and peers, do you have any suggestions for how to de-condition myself to my computer chair and also, why I feel SO close to finally BEATING this bastard condition and it seems to be rearing it's head. Every time I get to the point where I notice it is getting better, it seems to grab me by the neck and say, "not so fast, you are stuck with me!!!". Then the doubt begins, I start to think structurally, I obsess over the pain (I have OCD) and I'm in the pain loop again. Stuck in the mud, like a loser. I feel like crying as I type this, I am so sick of this terrible thing. One final thing, I have really been trying to be more active, walking a few miles daily and it seems to really be helping overall. It's a nice break for my mind and I do some affirmations on my walk. But I recently decided to add in some push-ups and planking and the muscle soreness after for days is HORRID. People say, "That's normal, you're out of shape and your muscles will get stronger" but the pain re-enforces my depression about TMS. Any thoughts? I would especially love any ideas as to affirmations I can do in my computer chair to decondition myself to it. I can sit in any other chair just fine, but the moment I get in front of my computer (like right now), my shoulders and neck feel like they are in the jaws of a T-Rex! Thank you all for being wonderful. This forum is a huge help, an oasis of truth and I am proud to be here as a peer supporter.