Help, it's really bad today

[Tom Thumb]

I've been suffering from RSI in my wrists for 2 months. At first I thought it was due to using my laptop too much. After a month of seeing doctors and physios with no improvement a friend put me on to TMS.

At first, the pain got better. I had my first pain free day a week ago. This week however, the pain has come back hard. I'm finding it as hard to type and move a mouse as I did when the pain was at it's worst. I'm getting cramps in my thumbs too that have been gone for a while.

What's causing it? My life is very stressful at the moment. I'm buying a house, I've got a crazy amount of pressure at work. I understand all this, I'm writing in my journal and meditating on my emotions, but the pain is still here.

Yesterday I had my first long day of laptop use since it started. I know that even though it's not the use of the laptop that's causing the pain, I'm still worried. At the back of my mind I still can't shake off the seemingly structural causes - mouse and keyboard use (despite using these things for year and years, and the pain not being in the 'right' places, and moving around).

I'm feeling panicky. This week is a very critical one work wise, and house wise. I'm scared things won't work out. I just want to curl up in a ball and not have to face work, or anything. I want a holiday that never ends so I never have to come back to it all.

I love my work, I really do. I'm doing my 'dream job', so I can't really complain about it . I enjoy it, but I don't know why I'm feeling this way.

 

[Kathi]

Hey, Tom. You1're doing the right thing by reaching out. If the pain got better, and you had a pain-free day, you know you've got it on the run. There'll be ups and downs, but you're on the right track. Just hang in there. This extreme stress in your life will pass, and your healing will continue. You go, Guy!

 

[Ellen]

Hi Tom Thumb,

In my experience, it's not just the emotions that cause TMS. It's the internal conflict around the emotions that lead us to repress them, and then leads to pain. It sounds to me like you feel you should love your job because it's your dream job, but you don't, and that is the source of your conflict. I can see why this conflict occurring when you are poised to buy a house would cause the stress to escalate. You may already be doing this in your journaling, but I would focus on the emotions around why you are conflicted about work. Does it make it you angry that you have to keep working even though it is causing you conflict? Is your inner child throwing a tantrum about this, while your inner parent is saying "you should be happy, stop complaining"?

It's great that you are meditating. I would add some diaphramatic (belly breathing) breathing, as it helps to calm the nervous system when one is in an activated state. And find some other ways to soothe yourself. Then just focus on one moment at a time.

Wishing you peace....

 

[Tom Thumb]

Last night I concentrated on the stress of work and life. Normally I have a ritual before bed to help me sleep (I did a course of sleepio.com a couple of years ago, another CBT course for insomnia), and this ritual helps me block out thoughts from the day and get to sleep easily.

I let the stress flow over me - it was awful. I was shuddering and felt nauseous. It was a very intense panic. I don't know how long it lasted, but suffice to say I did not sleep well. I'm conflicted about what to do. On the one hand, experiencing my emotions is supposed to help, but obviously night time is not the time to do it. I have very little time or space to myself - at work we are in a shared office, 8 of us cramped around a single large desk (we're a tech startup in an expensive city, I'm the CTO). All the meeting rooms etc. are glass. At home I currently share a single room with my partner. All these things are probably stressors as well.

Part of my conflict with work is that I literally can't back out. Normally I would have no qualms about simply finding a new job, but this is a company I created. I hired most of the other people in it. It's been my sole focus for the last few years. Yes, it's incredibly stressful at times, now particularly for a number of reasons (although the business is doing well). I'm going to try and chat things over with my co-founder today. He's been working elsewhere for a long while, leaving me to run the place single-handedly, which has been adding to everything.

Sorry for rambling a bit, I'm still working all this out.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Tom Thumb. I hope your co-founder can be of more help to you. You have a lot on your shoulders
so it's no wonder you are stressed and have trouble sleeping.

I used to work at a big insurance company, in the publications department, and about ten of us
shared an office. It was awful. We could hear each other on the telephones. I quit after three years.

It's good that your business is doing well. That's not easy in these hard times.

I hope you can take an hour or two to relax before bedtime... listen to soothing music (on headphones
if necessary). Do some meditation with deep breathing. Say a calming mantra or count backwards
from 100 to 1, several times if needed. I find those tricks help.

And think well of yourself, for having started a business and it is doing well and you have put some
people to work. That is a major accomplishment.