Hello Strangers, This is day 1 of the program for me and I've been hesitant to make this post. First, because it feels a bit weird to open up about my "feelings" on a forum of people I do not know. Second, because after reading other posts I see that people are going though the same thing I am. And that makes me want to type out a book here that I am sure no one wants to read. So, I'll try to be brief. My story in a nutshell: I am 36 years old and have endured pain in my lower back for about 20 years. It just became part of who I was until about 2 years ago when I had an acute attack that landed me immobile for 2 months. This time it was different though, because it was in my upper back and neck where I had not had issues before. It was crippling to me and my family. We went through the typical medical system that left me hooked on pain killers and being told I had herniated disks and needed surgery. I rejected this and ended up getting some spinal injections. During the course of the injection treatments I watched Sarno's DVD and read Healing Back Pain - I immediately identified. I knew this was important, but the acute episode passed and I had to get back on with my life. I experienced many other TMS related issues, but nothing disabling until last week. Out of nowhere I had paralyzing sciatica. I immediately thought about TMS but was so crippled I needed help. After the second day, I was being rolled out of the doctors office in a wheelchair with a bottle of pain killers. Not my finest moment. After a few days of misery, I began re-reading Dr Sarno's book and (this is going to sound crazy) as I was reading I could literally feel the pain move from my leg into my neck where it had been the last time. This was scary as I thought I was doomed again. I've kept reading, am about half way though the book, and am off pain killers as of yesterday. I am 100% on board with a TMS diagnosis, and I have the textbook personality and history. In spite of that, I still have doubts and worries. I find dealing with this to be very lonely. It is near impossible to explain this to anyone regardless of how much they care. For my entire life I have blazed my own trail, and now once again I feel I need to go it alone. I am also one to put my own needs last and I am concerned that I will not keep on this for the sake of my own self preservation. I have pain every day, but only do anything about it when it immobilizes me. I am hoping this program will help me address it head on.