Hello New Here!

[Sortiz02]

Hi everyone. I’m new to the group. My symptoms started in March 2023. I was already stuck in a hypervigilant state due to a panic attack I had the previous November. I started a new job with a bad boss and then was diagnosed with a 2cm meningioma in my left front lobe (on watch and wait with no growth since). I felt a stiff/pressurized feeling in my forehead that slowly spread over the last 14 months to my whole head, neck, throat, chest and back. Now my legs, abdomen, and feet feel stiff. In addition to 24/7 stiffness, I get a rotating “tight cramp” feeling that moves throughout the already tight areas depending on how I move or if something touches those areas. I’ve been to many Drs including Mayo and ucla. Was diagnosed with central sensitization, ebv, and Hashimoto’s. Now, more recently, the areas that are stiff are also sensitive to hot water, pressure/touch, and heat or cold. They stiffen more if I take a hot shower if the water touches those areas. I can’t wear jewelry or sunglasses. This is continuing to spread. I don’t know how to stop it from spreading. If I had the same shifting symptoms I may believe it’s tms but every stressor makes my symptoms progress to a new level and then there is no going back. That is what has me stumped.. I got frustrated at work because I was scanning and the paper kept getting stuck and I got the stiffest I’ve ever been in my upper back, head, and shoulder so now when I get stiffer it’s to that new level. I did see a mind body syndrome/tms Dr in Los Angeles over a week ago and I start psychotherapy next week but it has gotten worse since I saw him. I only work part time now, had to get a roommate to help pay the rent so there is still stress in my life. I also am in a new relationship and I really like him but he has no idea how bad it is for me. Just so happens that he travels a lot for work so when he’s home he likes to relax. Good thing for me as I can’t hike or go to the gym anymore as I can’t walk too far or turn my head, neck, or back certain ways as some movements cause me to stiffen worse. I have the tms personality and scored a 4 on the aces test. I feel like I’m in a nightmare and want my life back. I still haven’t found anyone with my symptoms and I just wish I would.

 

[Cactusflower]

Hi @Sortiz02
You are in good company! Although we all have different symptoms, many are similar to yours. My own can be quite similar at times -especially tolerance to certain things that causes me to tighten up a bit. Our nervous systems can perceive danger in so many places that are not truly dangerous, causing such responses. Our thoughts (that we often don’t recognize) can also cause such reactions in the nervous system. I suspect that is what went on when you were scanning at work and were frustrated and angry. Perhaps angrier than your mind often lets you feel. Dod you see Dr. Schecter?
Did he offer any of his courses or his workbook to compliment your work with the psychologist.
It is not uncommon for people to have a flair in symptoms when they begin learning about TMS. Your brain is being challenged for all the things it thinks it is protecting you from. When we send our minds messages that we accept a mind body approach, and that we are open to uncovering these mechanisms, it ups the ante. Be confident that your symptoms are harmless, and that you are just fine despite the symptoms.
Also recognize you are not alone in this!
I love that you know have a room mate, a new romance and are continuing to work as best you can (and that your job is accommodating). You have set up a marvelous support team!
Feel free to ask any questions you like!
Have you read, or did your Dr. suggest reading a book by Dr. Sarno?

 

[Diana-M]

@Sortiz02 ,
Hi! It sure is scary to have weird symptoms. I have much of what you describe. I am coming to believe that our brains can do ANYthing. They can create any symptoms. Their goal is to scare us into avoiding our emotional issues. Like you, I scored high on the ACE test, and I’ve been in psychotherapy for 3 years. All sorts of stuff is still coming out. Journaling is starting to put a little tiny dent in my symptoms. And so is meditating. My symptoms were also preceded by severe anxiety (like you). To some extent, I’m still in a very anxious state. Long story short, if you’re in it to win it, you’ll have to:

• Believe you have TMS
• Reduce or eliminate your fear
• Live life anyway—even have fun
• Calm your nervous system
• Change some of your personality traits
• And feel your rage, both past and present.

Tall order, eh? But what choice do you have? This wiki has everything you need, including support from people who have healed. There are 2 great free courses and resources mentioned in almost all the shares. Read, read, read. It’s a journey. On the other side of fear is everything you want. You can get your life back, but you’ll have to fight.

 

[Sortiz02]

@Sortiz02 ,
Hi! It sure is scary to have weird symptoms. I have much of what you describe. I am coming to believe that our brains can do ANYthing. They can create any symptoms. Their goal is to scare us into avoiding our emotional issues. Like you, I scored high on the ACE test, and I’ve been in psychotherapy for 3 years. All sorts of stuff is still coming out. Journaling is starting to put a little tiny dent in my symptoms. And so is meditating. My symptoms were also preceded by severe anxiety (like you). To some extent, I’m still in a very anxious state. Long story short, if you’re in it to win it, you’ll have to:

• Believe you have TMS
• Reduce or eliminate your fear
• Live life anyway—even have fun
• Calm your nervous system
• Change some of your personality traits
• And feel your rage, both past and present.

Tall order, eh? But what choice do you have? This wiki has everything you need, including support from people who have healed. There are 2 great free courses and resources mentioned in almost all the shares. Read, read, read. It’s a journey. On the other side of fear is everything you want. You can get your life back, but you’ll have to fight.

Thank you. I will look into the free courses. I haven’t met anyone with my symptoms and that is one thing that I am looking for just to make me feel better like it’s not something else.

 

[Sortiz02]

Hi @Sortiz02
You are in good company! Although we all have different symptoms, many are similar to yours. My own can be quite similar at times -especially tolerance to certain things that causes me to tighten up a bit. Our nervous systems can perceive danger in so many places that are not truly dangerous, causing such responses. Our thoughts (that we often don’t recognize) can also cause such reactions in the nervous system. I suspect that is what went on when you were scanning at work and were frustrated and angry. Perhaps angrier than your mind often lets you feel. Dod you see Dr. Schecter?
Did he offer any of his courses or his workbook to compliment your work with the psychologist.
It is not uncommon for people to have a flair in symptoms when they begin learning about TMS. Your brain is being challenged for all the things it thinks it is protecting you from. When we send our minds messages that we accept a mind body approach, and that we are open to uncovering these mechanisms, it ups the ante. Be confident that your symptoms are harmless, and that you are just fine despite the symptoms.
Also recognize you are not alone in this!
I love that you know have a room mate, a new romance and are continuing to work as best you can (and that your job is accommodating). You have set up a marvelous support team!
Feel free to ask any questions you like!
Have you read, or did your Dr. suggest reading a book by Dr. Sarno?

I did see Dr Schecter. I actually had to resign from my full time job and the job I have now is only part time and over 3x less pay which is why I have to have my friend and her daughter staying with me to help. They don’t really understand and the fact that we are all crammed in a one bedroom apartment has really just made my stress levels and symptoms worse. The bright side i see right now is the guy.

Dr Schecter gave me his book when I was there.. I had already purchased his workbook on Amazon. Yes I read sarnos mind body prescription and I have schubiners unlearn your pain as well as Alan Gordon’s book as well. I just keep getting worse which is what scares me.

 

[Baseball65]

Los Angeles

started a new job with a bad boss

shifting symptoms

I also am in a new relationship and I really like him but he has no idea how bad it is for me.

had to get a roommate to help pay the rent so there is still stress in my life.

New Job , New Living situation, New BF, Living in Los Angeles and you have shifting symptoms that are progressively getting worse. Hmmm? I am gonna go armchair quarterback and say..."Yes, you have Tms and quite intensely"

You might wonder why the new BF is on the list? Even things that have a positive connotation can be huge TMS triggers because of what we are like on the inside. For a long time I got TMS on every first day on a new job....I knew what was going on so it wasn't scary, but it reminded me that even 'good' things scare the hell out of my unconscious...As soon as we think we 'have' something like a Job or partner or Gig, the unconscious starts going "wait...now I am nervous I am going to LOSE _____" (fill in blank)

You don't have to actually change anything to make the symptoms stop, as long as you do the work and move towards a new self awareness about the need for a symptom..... Now, when you have that new awareness? You're choices might be colored by that. I have taken numerous gigs I didn't want becuase I needed the money...but I have to stay aware on the inside that I really don't dig it.

I just keep getting worse which is what scares me.

That happens a LOT...it happened to me during a recent short set of pain...I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt it was TMS and I have been doing this for a long time, so it was extra frustrating...but right as the symptoms hit a cresendo, I kept working through the mental part and 'beat' it...and then it resolved and went away really fast... with none of the 'causes' removed..just new lessons.

Hang in there, keep studying...about YOURSELF versus what you're reading. You will win.....even living in Los Angeles which is one of the TMS capitals of the world.

peace

 

[Sortiz02]

New Job , New Living situation, New BF, Living in Los Angeles and you have shifting symptoms that are progressively getting worse. Hmmm? I am gonna go armchair quarterback and say..."Yes, you have Tms and quite intensely"

You might wonder why the new BF is on the list? Even things that have a positive connotation can be huge TMS triggers because of what we are like on the inside. For a long time I got TMS on every first day on a new job....I knew what was going on so it wasn't scary, but it reminded me that even 'good' things scare the hell out of my unconscious...As soon as we think we 'have' something like a Job or partner or Gig, the unconscious starts going "wait...now I am nervous I am going to LOSE _____" (fill in blank)

You don't have to actually change anything to make the symptoms stop, as long as you do the work and move towards a new self awareness about the need for a symptom..... Now, when you have that new awareness? You're choices might be colored by that. I have taken numerous gigs I didn't want becuase I needed the money...but I have to stay aware on the inside that I really don't dig it.
That happens a LOT...it happened to me during a recent short set of pain...I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt it was TMS and I have been doing this for a long time, so it was extra frustrating...but right as the symptoms hit a cresendo, I kept working through the mental part and 'beat' it...and then it resolved and went away really fast... with none of the 'causes' removed..just new lessons.

Hang in there, keep studying...about YOURSELF versus what you're reading. You will win.....even living in Los Angeles which is one of the TMS capitals of the world.

peace

 

[Sortiz02]

I live in Las Vegas and traveled to LA to see Dr. Schecter. I am happy to start psychotherapy with someone he recommended next week. Yeah the new BF is great. I’ve been single for a long time as dating is tough in Las Vegas. He got us tickets to a concert in August and I just wonder what kind of shape I will be in in that minth? Why do I even think that way? . I just wish my symptoms would stabilize instead of getting progressively worse.

 

[Baseball65]

I just wonder what kind of shape I will be in in that minth? Why do I even think that way?

THAT is all of us. That exact thought and statement has been uttered by virtually every single person who suffers from this...so relax! You're amongst kindred thinkers and feelers.
That "what will I be like then?" is the TMS talking...remember, it's purpose is to keep you focused on IT rather than your life. Sarno recomeneded 'taliking to your brain' and when I catch myself having those type of thoughts I talk to it, out loud like an annoying whining sibling.
"I will be fine in August...In fact, I will be so fine, I will have forgotten about this because I will have been recovered for so long"

If you go back to the front of this forum there is a link to an Allan Gordon 'work page' and that is EXACTLY what he discusses about FEAR...in fact, the fear , to me at least, is almost worse than the symptoms themselves. You Can and Will turn this around...just keep using the tools, any and all of them and find what works for you. I knwo you probably don't want to hear this, but you are at the beginning of the end....of your symptoms. I think When we get those fears, we are really scared of what we'd be like without them? I was....but the pain was bad enough to keep going and then ....it goes away. Check out Allan's stuff... it goes really deep into that mind trap stuff.

https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/ (Pain Recovery Program)

and, you're lucky to NOT live in LA... i grew up there and when I left my overall tension level dropped like a hug amount

 

[HealingMe]

I agree with all that’s said in here and also I cannot recommend enough talking to your brain, as Baseball65 said. This is exactly what I do and my brain really responded to this.

I had some really strange symptoms and sensations, so I understand where you’re coming from. Symptoms got especially worse when my brain realized I caught onto it and began journaling, learning more and reading more about TMS.

Keep doing the work. You’ll heal, I know it!

 

[TG957]

You absolutely need to read this book: Dr. Claire Weekes Hope And Help For Your Nerves.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

and then there is no going back

This is catastrophic thinking, and it is only true in your mind. There is no factual or physiological reason to believe this. This is your brain on TMS.

Learn to recognize this fear response (to increased symptoms) and reject it. It won't be easy, because with an ACEs score of 4, you are dealing with a seriously traumatized brain that has been in survival-at-all-costs emotional lockdown since childhood. You can't budge that without a professional-level jackhammer (that's what the psychotherapy is for).

it has gotten worse since I saw him.

Excellent! That's great news!

WTAF?!? (I can practically hear you)

Seriously, this is 100% what I would expect to happen when someone with your background (that ACEs score of 4) makes any kind of attempt to break through those old walls. Your resistant brain is doubling down. It is proof that you are dealing with a psychological condition, not a physical one.

In fact, although you don't say when you first started researching the concept of TMS (which, in honor of Dr Sarno, is still our shorthand term for the enormous world of mindbody/psychosomatic /stress-based disorders) I'm going to guess that your symptoms really started to worsen when you first opened yourself to the mindbody connection. You kept going because your rational brain was just strong enough to want to know more, and even though your primitive irrational TMS brain keeps fighting back, GOOD FOR YOU that you're still moving in this direction!

We talk a lot about doubt in the TMS diagnosis, and while your doubt in TMS might still be pretty strong, it's also true that your doubt in a medical solution is getting stronger at the same time. This probably creates an uncomfortable conflict in your subconscious, but it's certainly got your TMS brain in a panic! Thus putting YOU into a panic.

So, again, this is great news. The bad news is that it's possible it will get worse before it gets better. You have to grit your teeth (figuratively, because we want you to start being more mindful about body tension) and you have to remind yourself that this is normal, it's not harmful, and that you can get through it.

It is a well-documented FACT that patients who know how to relax and calm their fear response in the face of severe injuries, for example, have less pain than those with uncontrolled fear. That's why injury victims (and women in labor!) are urged to concentrate on breathing. Therapeutic breathing is something you can learn quickly and easily, all over the internet. Claire Weekes' book, as suggested above, was the second book that saved me after Dr Sarno.

One more thing: over the years, I have seen too many severely traumatized people, those with high ACEs scores like yours, reject psychotherapy as useless. I urge you to really give it a chance, because your brain is going to fight back so hard against it, trying to convince you that it's worthless or that the practitioner is incompetent. I can attest personally to the fact that Dr Schechter's referral is probably an excellent one. You can DM me if you want to check in about that.

All the best to you! You've received great supportive responses from forum all-stars. Reread their posts when you need a boost!

~Jan

 

[Sortiz02]

This is catastrophic thinking, and it is only true in your mind. There is no factual or physiological reason to believe this. This is your brain on TMS.

Learn to recognize this fear response (to increased symptoms) and reject it. It won't be easy, because with an ACEs score of 4, you are dealing with a seriously traumatized brain that has been in survival-at-all-costs emotional lockdown since childhood. You can't budge that without a professional-level jackhammer (that's what the psychotherapy is for).

Excellent! That's great news!

WTAF?!? (I can practically hear you)

Seriously, this is 100% what I would expect to happen when someone with your background (that ACEs score of 4) makes any kind of attempt to break through those old walls. Your resistant brain is doubling down. It is proof that you are dealing with a psychological condition, not a physical one.

In fact, although you don't say when you first started researching the concept of TMS (which, in honor of Dr Sarno, is still our shorthand term for the enormous world of mindbody/psychosomatic /stress-based disorders) I'm going to guess that your symptoms really started to worsen when you first opened yourself to the mindbody connection. You kept going because your rational brain was just strong enough to want to know more, and even though your primitive irrational TMS brain keeps fighting back, GOOD FOR YOU that you're still moving in this direction!

We talk a lot about doubt in the TMS diagnosis, and while your doubt in TMS might still be pretty strong, it's also true that your doubt in a medical solution is getting stronger at the same time. This probably creates an uncomfortable conflict in your subconscious, but it's certainly got your TMS brain in a panic! Thus putting YOU into a panic.

So, again, this is great news. The bad news is that it's possible it will get worse before it gets better. You have to grit your teeth (figuratively, because we want you to start being more mindful about body tension) and you have to remind yourself that this is normal, it's not harmful, and that you can get through it.

It is a well-documented FACT that patients who know how to relax and calm their fear response in the face of severe injuries, for example, have less pain than those with uncontrolled fear. That's why injury victims (and women in labor!) are urged to concentrate on breathing. Therapeutic breathing is something you can learn quickly and easily, all over the internet. Claire Weekes' book, as suggested above, was the second book that saved me after Dr Sarno.

One more thing: over the years, I have seen too many severely traumatized people, those with high ACEs scores like yours, reject psychotherapy as useless. I urge you to really give it a chance, because your brain is going to fight back so hard against it, trying to convince you that it's worthless or that the practitioner is incompetent. I can attest personally to the fact that Dr Schechter's referral is probably an excellent one. You can DM me if you want to check in about that.

All the best to you! You've received great supportive responses from forum all-stars. Reread their posts when you need a boost!

~Jan

Thanks for all the info. I think it’s been maybe two months since I started looking into tms. And yes I have gotten so much worse. I was doing physical therapy for the tight neck and back but one day after the therapist did some manual therapy and pressed on my trigger points, the back of my throat stiffened up really bad and it freaked me out and I never went back. I really believe I am stuck in this fear mode.
Yes, I am seeing this counselor that Schecter recommended and we use the Menda app. It’s a 12 week program with a 1:1 weekly and an also a weekly group zoom. I had my first session last week. I’m excited to get started. I just want to get better!!

 

[shakalaka]

Why are posters ignoring the tumor? Why was MRI done in the first place?

 

[Cactusflower]

Why are posters ignoring the tumor? Why was MRI done in the first place?

Because we are not medical professionals and only her Dr., with whom she has consulted, can determine if this is effecting her body.
That said, the more anxious or hyper focused one is about symptoms of any kind, the more amplified in the body they become - which is proven through science.
Self-education on what TMS is, will lead you to some studies about MRI science, and how it is well utilized but does not always explain what is happening to the mind and body.

 

[TG957]

Because we are not medical professionals and only her Dr., with whom she has consulted, can determine if this is effecting her body.
That said, the more anxious or hyper focused one is about symptoms of any kind, the more amplified in the body they become - which is proven through science.
Self-education on what TMS is, will lead you to some studies about MRI science, and how it is well utilized but does not always explain what is happening to the mind and body.

Thank you, @Cactusflower , what a perfect explanation of the TMS concept!