Hello Everyone

[laperson]

I've been writing in my blog and man I'm so nervous all of the thoughts that I have swimming in my head just drive me nutz. It's all fear based with my back and I keep getting tired I know no one can do this but me with help of others pointing the way. To realize all this is on my shoulders too seems so hard and I wish I could just be responsible for going to work getting home and taking care of my family.

I'm thinking how the hell did I get here so discouraged, at the moment i just can't find it in me to be a beacon of light. I know many people suffer so many things and the little bits we can do for others is great and I fear not doing good things for others displeases God but I'm at a place of self. I ask myself God says Love your neighbor as yourself and greater is to Love God with all my heart, mind and soul. <~~~ This is just so hard when I can hardly do anything lately.

Part of my fears with TMS is loosing my faith in the whole thing as it seems so stressful and filled with fear. I know many who pray the hearts and minds out daily and see no relief for many days months and years. I'm just venting letting it out, I know these are questions never to be answered just accepted.

TMS seems to be witch comes first the chicken or the egg - the fear or the pain. I'm confused the knowledge that my many years of memories repressed is causing the pain should in fact alter my pain as Sarno's say's revealing this takes the trick of causing the pain to advert a more serious outcome like rage and therefore loosing everything in the process of a maddening fit.

I could see myself telling so many people off, my anger abounds! Like Jesus when he flipped the tables of the money changers as they sat in the temple. As an example I suppose we can and rightfully so flip out when we see injustice as it is so repressed in our society. We hate billion airs not because they have what they have and we are jealous but because they have an ability to feed the needy and have no conscience to change it.

In the last year I have turned that anger towards God because he is the most powerful but continues to allow these things to happen. I am mystified by it all the whole bible and Gods reasoning and in that I am afraid to be angry at God. Like a child who is in pain holding on to his mother not understanding why this is happening he finds comfort with being held but still endures the teething. Unfortunately I have lost my comfort with my Lord.

I've seen a lot, grew up in the ghetto, walking to school protecting my little brother and sister from 2cnd grade to 6th grade. Got beat up a lot and always took the beating while I yelled run. run. run, to school to them (reverse racism). Took care of my dad, took care of my mom and everything in between I feel so spent. Yes I am totally afraid of the trappings of life when all I see a mile ahead is a for sale sign trying to make me broke.

Fear rules me as of now and I suppose I need to let that out. I feel so tapped out I really don't know where this tiny bit of faith that I have is coming from.

 

[Dahlia]

I'm so sorry for your pain. I understand fear and exhaustion and feeling abandoned. I have had many days when I don't see any light and the fear closes in.

I certainly don't know "what it's all about" and why we are born and why there is suffering. I don't understand any of it. But I do believe that God is love, and love is the opposite of fear. I believe we are children of God and so have divine DNA. I look within to find God in me, the part of me that is eternal and then I feel connected to God. Finding that centered peaceful place within has been my salvation.

Someone once told me years ago that there are only two emotions (once you distill them all down): love and fear. I didn't understand that then but I think I do now. Fear is behind the rage. Fear always makes my pain worse! When fear threatens to swamp my boat, reaching for a connection in love calms the waters.

Soothe yourself. No benefit that I can see in getting yourself more upset. Think about the present moment and just observe the thoughts of fear and anger and let them go by. The present moment is manageable. Let go of the past and don't think about the future. Just NOW. Now is manageable. Now is where I find my connection to God and peace.

I care and I wish you peace.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, laperson, I too am sorry you are in pain and having a crisis of faith in TMS and God.
Dahlia gives you good advice about not fearing or worrying about the past or future
and just living in the moment. It's not easy to do, but keeps you focused on what is happening today
without stressing about yesterday or being fearful or worry about tomorrow.

Jesus said to just try to deal with today's problems.

It's understandable that you would be angry about why your pain was sent to you.
I've blamed God, too, and even have gotten angry at Him. But it does no good.
We need to just accept His plan for us.

Have you ever watched the lectures of Joyce Meyer? They're on tv and also on YouTube.
She urges everyone to have strong faith as we struggle with pain and disappointments or anxiety.

I think you could feel better if you watched some of her on YouTube.

Also try to put some humor and laughter in your life. It's a long, hard winter for lots of people
and that may be adding to your feeling down. Everyone I know is depressed in this long, cold,
snowy winter. Try to laugh, even if there's nothing to laugh about.

You're going to come through this. Keep practicing TMS to find the repressed emotions that
are causing your pain and depression. Read more of the success stories on the TMSWiki.
One was just posted today about how the Law of Attraction brought someone money.

 

[laperson]

 

[Leonor]

Part of my fears with TMS is loosing my faith in the whole thing as it seems so stressful and filled with fear. I know many who pray the hearts and minds out daily and see no relief for many days months and years. I'm just venting letting it out, I know these are questions never to be answered just accepted.
I've seen a lot, grew up in the ghetto, walking to school protecting my little brother and sister from 2cnd grade to 6th grade. Got beat up a lot and always took the beating while I yelled run. run. run, to school to them (reverse racism). Took care of my dad, took care of my mom and everything in between I feel so spent. Yes I am totally afraid of the trappings of life when all I see a mile ahead is a for sale sign trying to make me broke.
Fear rules me as of now and I suppose I need to let that out. I feel so tapped out I really don't know where this tiny bit of faith that I have is coming from.

Hi laperson,
We are homo sapiens and our nature was intended to be cared and protected within our communities 24hrs when we are born, but due to big changes in our environment (Mom to busy, father not present or just not participating, extreme capitalism, violent environment etc.) it does not happen any more and that is when our unbalance starts. Imagine that what goes with our Mom while pregnant plays also a role, so many of us crash and get all these physical symptoms later. Do not despair because this is a long process. So many injustice happens and we are trying to make sense of it. Dr. Sarno in his book "Mind over body" explains very well how we came to be such a selfish society, our id (little kid, selfish, narcissistic) is still very strong in our brain. We are billions of years old, we are still developing. Right now it is important to be aware of it and make the best you can do with it.
When you were a kid you overtook the role of parents, you were not ready, so your subconscious helped you deal with it and at that moment gave you just the strength to dealt with it and forget your anger, sadness and frustrations to be able to survive.
Now you have the chance to get it all out, be angry at everybody and everything that hurt you. You just have to do it in a proper manner. I do it with the guidance of Dr. Schubiner's book "Unlearn your pain", I meditate, I talk to my brain explaining that it is time to let it go, I remind myself that this physical pain is emotional, IFS, etc.
You are not alone, but at least you are in the right path, you will heal and you deserve to be happy.
Many people go through life without knowing themselves, but we have the change to get to know ourselves.
You can also check out the IFS group, which deals with the personalities we have in our head and how we can heal them.
Just hang in there!

Leonor

 

[laperson]

Thank you Lenor, Walt and Dahlia, I'm reading through your comments and letting them fully sink in