Guero Triste
Peer Supporter
Let's talk about me.
40ish male. Married to the same lady for a long time. Couple of kids, one of whom is a rebellious teenager, the other a precocious and wonderful twelve year old. I am intelligent, conscientious, people-pleasing, and very hard on myself (classic type T). I am a heavy boozer. I also broke the test for being an HSP. I hate to to think of myself as sensitive. Very un-cool in American culture, esp for professional men.
I am in chronic pain. Hands, arms, shoulders, sciatica, tingling in legs. Front teeth. Right big toe. I have clumsiness in my hands. It is becoming difficult to walk. Been to the neurologist a few times, says I have carpal tunnel and "positional neuropathy" whatever that is. Gave me wrist brace. It does close to nada. No meds. I use whiskey and increasingly cannabis to fight the pain, evenings only. During the day I white knuckle through it.
It is getting worse and worse.
Let's talk about my job.
I am a sales manager at an auto dealership. I have been in this role for some time, but in the past couple years the place has been taken under new ownership. Said new owners have a very serious attitude towards making money and I am working probably 55-60 hrs a week at 120%+ of my rated capacity. I miss dinner at home most nights. My wife resents my job. My older kid is kind of a stranger. My hobbies and interests have faded. If anyone was paying attention, they would see that I am failing physically, mentally, and spiritually. But they aren't, because I am killing myself keeping up appearances of normalcy and keeping the whole BS parade rolling. And sadly, I am not sure anybody would care. Seems to me as long as they get what they want that I can suffer.
Got a little off track. Here's the issues with the job - 1)Hours, way too long. 2) Having to perpetuate BS, say things that are perhaps not dishonest but certainly not forthright. I feel like I am full of shit. This is new for me and has severely impacted my self-image. 3)Poorly trained staff with constant turnover. 4)Need to achieve and please, to be competitive which I don't really jive with.5) Letting success or lack thereof selling a car to some dumbass dictate the mood we are all in. 6) Drinking the Kool-Aid, etc.7)No breaks, ever. I eat at my desk, barely noticing the food even when it's quite good. Some days I have been at work for 6 hours before I can take a leak.
I have zero debt, paid for home, money in the bank. I can make a get-away, so to speak. But it's hard to pass up the big money (that I don't really need or enjoy lol). And of course, when you look at the stressors that can cause TMS change of careers is a big one. Taking a sabbatical and coming back to the same place does not seem to be an options, since it is imperative that they run it at maximum speed with out regard to quality of life, etc. So if I bail, I think my career in this field is over.
OK, I dumped my guts. Lay it on me. Don't hold back.
40ish male. Married to the same lady for a long time. Couple of kids, one of whom is a rebellious teenager, the other a precocious and wonderful twelve year old. I am intelligent, conscientious, people-pleasing, and very hard on myself (classic type T). I am a heavy boozer. I also broke the test for being an HSP. I hate to to think of myself as sensitive. Very un-cool in American culture, esp for professional men.
I am in chronic pain. Hands, arms, shoulders, sciatica, tingling in legs. Front teeth. Right big toe. I have clumsiness in my hands. It is becoming difficult to walk. Been to the neurologist a few times, says I have carpal tunnel and "positional neuropathy" whatever that is. Gave me wrist brace. It does close to nada. No meds. I use whiskey and increasingly cannabis to fight the pain, evenings only. During the day I white knuckle through it.
It is getting worse and worse.
Let's talk about my job.
I am a sales manager at an auto dealership. I have been in this role for some time, but in the past couple years the place has been taken under new ownership. Said new owners have a very serious attitude towards making money and I am working probably 55-60 hrs a week at 120%+ of my rated capacity. I miss dinner at home most nights. My wife resents my job. My older kid is kind of a stranger. My hobbies and interests have faded. If anyone was paying attention, they would see that I am failing physically, mentally, and spiritually. But they aren't, because I am killing myself keeping up appearances of normalcy and keeping the whole BS parade rolling. And sadly, I am not sure anybody would care. Seems to me as long as they get what they want that I can suffer.
Got a little off track. Here's the issues with the job - 1)Hours, way too long. 2) Having to perpetuate BS, say things that are perhaps not dishonest but certainly not forthright. I feel like I am full of shit. This is new for me and has severely impacted my self-image. 3)Poorly trained staff with constant turnover. 4)Need to achieve and please, to be competitive which I don't really jive with.5) Letting success or lack thereof selling a car to some dumbass dictate the mood we are all in. 6) Drinking the Kool-Aid, etc.7)No breaks, ever. I eat at my desk, barely noticing the food even when it's quite good. Some days I have been at work for 6 hours before I can take a leak.
I have zero debt, paid for home, money in the bank. I can make a get-away, so to speak. But it's hard to pass up the big money (that I don't really need or enjoy lol). And of course, when you look at the stressors that can cause TMS change of careers is a big one. Taking a sabbatical and coming back to the same place does not seem to be an options, since it is imperative that they run it at maximum speed with out regard to quality of life, etc. So if I bail, I think my career in this field is over.
OK, I dumped my guts. Lay it on me. Don't hold back.
