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Hard for me to ask for help and support...but HELP!

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by speedysel, May 5, 2014.

  1. speedysel

    speedysel Peer Supporter

    Firstly, thank you so much that this forum exists. My personality doesn´t make it easy to ask for help...but as I´ve decided to fight this thing with tooth and nail here I am asking for the support I desperately need. I´ve been fighting symptoms the last 7 odd years. It all started with difficulty in turning my neck. After a neck "adjustment" from an orthopaedic doctor my whole body went haywire with multiple symptoms including acute muscle tension in whole of back, IBS, imsomnia. I lost 7 kg and was an exhausted wreck. I had to stop doing everything I loved including painting, sport, outings with the kids...basically everything. Like alot of tms sufferers, I´ve been going from one doctor to next. I know for sure that I have scoliosis of the cervical spine possibly caused from a car accident. Otherwise there doesn´t seem to be clinically much wrong with me. I have issues of major muscle imbalance. I feel....twisted..especially in the shoulder upper chest region and lower spine (the last osteopath I went to diagnosed twisted coccyx and atlas...my nervous system reacted severely to his correction though), pressure in my chest, muscle tension in upper spine and neck and lots of tension in my head, pain in the sacroiliac joint which keeps blocking.....my god....the list goes on endlessly. I can not take my mind off my body symptoms. I discovered Dr Sarno about 2 years ago. After reading 2 of his books and seeing myself in so many pages, I was convinced I had TMS and have tried to stick to his teachings but haven´t been successful in overthrowing my subconscious. Last weekend I discovered your site. I am now on Day 3 of the programme. Yesterday I felt better (after a good night´s sleep) but last night I didn´t get any sleep at all and felt my whole chest was twisted inside (all muscular) and felt a bit dizzy. I have been doing breathing exercises and a few yoga exercises the last few days as well. Oh dear.....After a night like last night, I´m tired and anxious again. This is where the doubt surfaces again where I say to myself that common tms question "Do I really possibly have some other serious condition that nobody has found that is causing my body to retaliate so much" I´m not living in the States, in fact I´m an australian living in Germany which makes the fight a little harder....but in reality I know I´m fighting with my own subconscious so my locality is unimportant....it all has to happen within my own head. I know that Dr Sarno says to stop all physical activity until you feel better....could this be my mistake? A big step for me would be to just take my mind off my symptoms......
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hello, Slowena. I'm sorry about your pain but really glad you contacted the TMSWiki forum.
    You've gone through the medical mill and haven't been healed, so it sure means to me that you
    have TMS-caused pain. I did too, severe back pain, two year ago. But after reading Dr. Sarno's
    Healing Back Pain and journaling, I discovered more childhood stresses than I ever thought I had.

    My pain didn't completely go away until I began to believe 100 percent that it was from TMS
    repressed emotions and my perfectionist, "goodist" personality.

    Being a perfectionist is probably why you were reluctant to go to TMSWiki for help.

    You began to feel less pain by believing it is caused by TMS, but you slid back a little and
    began to doubt it. It isn't easy, but place your believe totally in Dr. Sarno and TMS
    and your unconscious mind will finally get the message.

    Keep doing the Structured Education Program and deep breathing and taking your mind
    off your pain. Don't worry about not sleeping. That only keeps you from sleeping.
    Do deep breathing as you try to fall asleep and say some affirmation.
    I like "Every day in every way I'm getting better and better." It's an old one
    but really works for me.

    Sometimes I fall asleep counting backwards from 100 to 1. I might have to do that twice
    but shortly into the third time, I am asleep.

    Dr. Sarno says stop strenuous exercise that may aggravate pain,
    but keep doing regular activites such as walking, housework, etc.
    If you can't walk outside, walk in the house, and practice deep breathing while walking.

    Breathe in through the nose, fill the belly with air, hold the breath a few seconds,
    then let out the breath through the mouth. Letting out the air should be a little longer
    than breathing in.

    I hope this helps. You also could read Steve Ozanich's book, The Great Pain Deception,
    and the new book I wrote with another poster to the forums, Herbie.
    It's called God Does Not Want You to Be in Pain. We found that asking God to
    heal us helped a lot.

    We at TMSWiki order books and almost everything else from
    amazon.com smile. That way the wiki gets a little money to keep going.
    speedysel and Mermaid like this.
  3. Gigalos

    Gigalos Beloved Grand Eagle

    Wise words from Walt, keep up the good work and keep the faith. The road to recovery isn't always nicely paved like we would like it to be.

    The whole point of not exercising when there is too much pain is that you shouldn't perceive the exercising as a threat or stress giving activity. Feeling too threatened or stressed by the pain is keeping you in the viscious cycle that TMS thrives on. Of course different people perceive pain in different ways. Some can laugh about it, some even gain energy from pulling through, but others, probably the majority, get anxious.

    take care and hang in there!
    speedysel and Mermaid like this.
  4. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    That's a great explanation from Giga about exercising...
    not thinking it will add more pain.
    Steve Ozanich says don't exercise with the goal of healing the pain,
    but exercise for general good health.
    speedysel likes this.
  5. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Slowena, BRAVO to you for asking for help! That first step is a pretty significant one so I say hat's off to you!tiphata And you've started that SEP….double bravo!

    Just keep stepping down this new road and things will begin to get sorted out for you. Please keep us posted!
    Ellen and Gigalos like this.
  6. speedysel

    speedysel Peer Supporter

    Walt, Giga and North Star....thank you so much! Brought tears to my eyes to see your posts. Yep....that battler spirit can be very lonely when facing the tms monster...your own self! Yes it was a massive step for me to post. I´m not one who likes to open their emotions and make them publically viewable (ooops....a tms trait ...never learnt to do this as a child) or to admit failure even anonymously. But I did it. Walt, you´re a honey!...thanks ....very wise words for me. I think the reason why I started doubting was because the spectrum of symptoms was unfathomable....even though I had slithering earlier symptoms, literally overnight my life came to a standstill (but I did have massive emotional repression at that time....a marriage that wasn´t and still isn´t working, small children, foreign country). Pain is mentioned as the key word in tms. I have pain of course but an unbelievably high pain threshold. What my brain did, and even writing this I know it´s 100% tms, is give me muscle tension (so cut the oxygen supply),heart palpitations, brain grogginess, major imsonia and various other acute symptoms..basically a nervous system breakdown....so I wasn´t feeling pain as such (although quite painful and this sounds absurd) I concentrated originally on possible stomach disorders, nutrient disorders, detoxing etc etc....of course nothing coming up with any major results and nothing that worked for others worked for me. Always in the background though were those muscles (and my whole condition is muscular...even the stomach muscles were in on the attack).
    Giga.....it´s not as though I haven´t been trying to exercise. I´ve been constantly trying and even joined the gym 2 months ago. This of course spiralled my symptoms upwards but I wasn´t about to give up!! I even exercised yesterday....walked, ran a bit and went to gym to ride the bike. The difference yesterday was I tried not to go with fear. I could walk, I could run (well...a bit) and I COULD ride the bike. So...the fact that I COULD (with no major pain or thoughts about how I was doing it....was I straight, was my head straight, both shoulders forward, torso erect etc which is what keeps my brain keeping me insecure...ie that twisted feeling) reiterates that up until now when I have exercised...it may have a physical activity but what was overriding the physical was always my subconscious thoughts...who were in their own aerobic exercise field....and getting fitter and fitter and better and better at it each time...whilst my physical being, conscious dwindled in selfdoubt and fear....scary!!! I realised yesterday that EVERY time I tried to exercise I could do it but constantly I had music in my head "this can´t be good, hope I can sleep to night, hope my muscles don´t retaliate etc...of course they did...every time!). I listened to Alan Gordon yesterday which actually helped me alot. I looked for those exceptions when my symptoms were milder and of course even in my suffering state there were exceptions and there were emotional triggers that made it worse. I´ve looked at these before but I think the important part is to put it all together, believe and persevere...xx Oh...p.s. guess what....my symptoms aren´t worse this morning. In fact I had a very deep night´s sleep....hmmm....
    Last edited: May 6, 2014
  7. speedysel

    speedysel Peer Supporter

    Oh dear....one step forward yesterday, but 2 steps back today :(
  8. Gigalos

    Gigalos Beloved Grand Eagle

    Keep the faith slowena. This process can take time and isn't always following a straight line. I have another affirmation that you might benefit from: "I feel calm, relaxed, patient and confident" (copyrights Ace1). Everyday you will become a little bit wiser about what your triggers may be. Be careful that you don't become too stressed about wanting to make progress.
    speedysel likes this.
  9. debbi1955

    debbi1955 Peer Supporter

    I'm on day 3 myself. After reading Dr. Sarno's book, I went to sleep telling myself 'there is nothing wrong with my back', over and over. Since then I've added 'and never was', and I repeat it to myself whenever I find thoughts creeping in that I know are counter productive. And I'm thinking of changing my mantra to 'there is nothing wrong with ME and never was!' to overcome all the inner voices that tell me what's wrong with me, which I suspect are the root cause of my TMS. A bad day for me was one when I was so disabled by back pain that I could not stand up without assistance or maintain a standing position. But my idea of a good day was one when I only had mild pain throughout the day, and sharper pain when I stood up, bent over, sat in a bad position - as long as I could stand up at all, I considered it a good day. Now, I've had 2 days without pain when I stand, bend, wiggle, you name it. I've redefined my 'good day' already. And I think that's good, because calling a day full of pain a 'good day' was probably just feeding the TMS.

    Best wishes from another rookie! This forum has already made me feel so welcome and supported!
  10. speedysel

    speedysel Peer Supporter

    Thanks for writing on this thread debbi1955. Those mantras are great. I´ll definitely try them. I also recorded Dr Sarno´s daily reminders onto my mobile. I have my own voice talking to me and I can replay whenever I need it. There is no doubt in my mind that my subconscious is running amok. Since I joined this site I have had the weirdest pains which have gone away again...The main symptoms haven´t gone but the fact that I am now getting stabbing pains which I really never had before makes me believe I am definitely on the right path. Gigalos is correct about stressing myself about progress. Definitely a problem. I´ve had the symptoms for so long now and they have controlled my every thought and move during this time, that changing my thought patterns is excrutiatingly hard. Really is wonderful to be able to express my doubts and find support on this site.

    Good luck with your battle. Keep me posted! There´s a world out there that is waiting for us to enjoy it to the absolute WITHOUT pain and tension!!!
  11. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    This is the place for all with pain and needing support and healing techniques.
    It's great to read you folks tell about your good progress and I just suggest you not worry
    about any setbacks. Don't pressure yourself to heal completely. And TMS pain does move around
    so you may get a new pain. Just keep reminding yourself it's psychological, not structural.
    And keep working on those repressed emotions.

    But don't overwork on that. Find ways to relax and think of other things and enjoy yourself.

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