Going to give it a try.

Well, where do I start.

I'm a 63 year old woman. Had a very unpleasant childhood with a nasty manipulative mother. 3 brothers and a sister in the family. She passed away some 10 years ago and never had an opportunity to speak my mind with her. Whenever I tried she would start crying and coax me into thinking she loved me. She wanted Dad all to herself so was always jealous of our time with him. I get quite emotional even typing this. I fail to see how
bringing all these feelings up will help resolve the anger inside. Anyway - soldier on!

Whatever I loved she took away. A beautiful doll would suddenly disappear. A pet would disappear. I just
didn't understand her reasoning. My focus had to be primarily on keeping her happy and the same applied
to my brothers and sister. Never a pat on the back. Don't look in the mirror. If I won a prize e.g for
a modelling quest she denied me the prize to join me for a trip to Melbourne. When I got married she
didn't want to be involved with my choice of dress. When I practised the piano (which I loved) she
would interrupt for me to help with housework. I tried recently to get back to the piano but I struggle
to allow myself to enjoy anything.

My marriage broke down some 20 years ago and I have no confidence with men so now generally
bury myself at home so I don't ever have to be disappointed. Last year I had a cancer op and
find I'm now having problems with broken sleep. I have suffered anxiety when I set out to fly on
a trip and have cancelled on many occasions. I can't bear to be boxed into a confined space.

Previously I have had back issues, then knee and now a neck which 5 months ago seemed to make
a cracking sound and now have constant pain turning my head left and right.

I love my golf and want to once again enjoy playing it instead of fearing the pain.

Well, briefly - that's my story. There's lots more. I will try once this program once again because
I'm sitting home now on my own and it's Easter and I want to be able to feel confident getting on a
plane, generally getting some confidence back and being pain free.

I'm rather confused that in the Healing Back Pain book the instructions to recovery appear to be
in the Review the Daily Reminders. I struggled to find this on it's own to be helpful. As I'm in
Adelaide Australia I don't know if I need to seek out someone to assist me.

I know so much is in my head and want to be happy again - not just on the outside (which
I'm good at) but on the inside.

Cheers

Miriam

 

Hi Miriam,

Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to the Forum. You touch on many topics that resonate with me.

Many of us require more than just reading Sarno to recover from TMS. You are not alone in that. The SEP was developed to assist those of us that need more. The Pain Recovery program by Alan Gordon, free on this site, is also very helpful to many. And if you haven't done it already, it can be very helpful to read the Success Stories posted in the sub-forum of the same name.

Wishing you the best on your road to recovery. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Ask questions or for support at any time. We're all here to support one another.