I hate making this post because it feels like I'm admitting to feeling defeated by TMS. Almost a month ago, I had a relapse, and I can't seem to get myself out of it. My pain is actually feeling WORSE, not better. It's in a totally different location this time- on my right side, starting deep in my outer glute, traveling down my leg, and into my calf. It feels like it has gone after nerves this time. In addition to the pain, which can feel like a sharp stabbing pain in my glute when I roll over onto it, the worse part is that it is keeping me up at night. My glute and calf ache and throb throughout the night. I have tried taking a sleep aid, which usually works until about 3 a.m., and then I wake and pace the house trying to get rid of the pain before I can lay back down and attempt sleep again. I've been doing all the usual- journaling, thinking psychologically, and began reading Steve O's book, which came in the mail last week. I have also been working out, but I have incredibly limited range of motion because my whole right leg is just so tight. I can run on the elliptical, but if I try to do any stretches with my right leg, the tightness and pain immediately stops me before I can even straighten my leg. I keep telling myself not to TRY so hard to get rid of TMS, but that is very hard to do in itself because I just want to be rid of the pain. I got a taste of life without pain for almost three months and it was glorious. I want that back so bad, but what I did the first time, clearly isn't working this time. This time almost feels worse, because I feel more helpless to it. I KNOW what it is, yet I can't get my brain to cooperate. I've been crying literally on a daily basis because I feel SO incredibly frustrated. I feel like a prisoner to TMS. At this point, I don't even think it is the repressed emotions that are prolonging this. I honestly think it is the fear and obsession with getting rid of it. I just don't know how to NOT fear and NOT think about it when I have stabbing pains in my body that are only getting worse and pain that is keeping me from getting much-needed rest. I have an out of town wedding coming up in less than two weeks and at this point, I don't know how I will be able to enjoy myself. I'm trying so hard to not put pressure on myself to feel better by that point, but I also don't know if there will be any point in even going if I don't feel better. I feel like I will be miserable and bring everyone down. Has anyone ever been in this position before? Any thoughts or words of advice? How can I KNOW it's TMS, but yet my brain just won't let go and won't give me peace?