Day 1 Getting started!

Hi all

My TMS symptoms started gradually last year, not that I knew about TMS at that stage. A couple of times during the year I remember driving to work and soon after setting off I would briefly feeling numb and slightly spaced out, I would wonder if I was having a heart attack and would think of pulling over, but I would 'think' my way through it and the feeling would subside. It was at the end of last year, that symptoms really started to appear after what was an unbelievably tough year both personally and professionally - my partners drinking problem was getting worse and she had tried to take an overdose at the beginning of 2014. For my daughter's sake, I powered on through and tried to keep things as normal as possible for her. My partner and I agreed to separate and put the house on the market. In addition, I'd also got a new boss at the start of last year too, who was, and still is manipulative, and micromanaging in the extreme, and loves to operate his team in crisis mode at all times. My mom had also been diagnosed with cancer last November and was scheduled to start Chemotherapy in the new year (she has now finished her course of therapy and is doing incredibly well).

Last December I had my first panic attack! Sitting in my lounge, I suddenly felt I couldn't breathe properly and I felt slightly 'out of body'. I decided to do a cardio workout figuring if this was some form of heart attack it would either kill or cure! The feelings subsided but returned at the beginning of this year. Lots of anxiety about a lot of things, driving in traffic, lifts, confined spaces of any description, moving out of the house, finding somewhere else to live, making sure my daughter was ok, holding down my job (I deliver leadership and personal development seminars and felt I couldn't do this anymore whilst my own life was in a tail spin!), the list seemed endless!! Along with the anxiety I felt shortness of breath and tightness in my stomach at all times in varying degrees of intensity. I'd gone my whole life just cruising through life, people who know me well would say I was one of the most positive, laid back people they knew, so when they saw me at the beginning of this year they were genuinely shocked at the state I was in (so was I!!). I've seen the doctor more times this year than I have the entire rest of my life. He put it all down to stress, and heart and lung checks came back all OK although blood pressure high. Things settled down a bit when I found a place to live and was able to have my daughter stay with me, but the tension in my stomach and chest was still there, and I'd developed pain in my right forearm and elbow which I put down to moving furniture. The tension in my stomach and chest lasted until April when I tried Emotional Freedom Technique (it was a youtube clip by Gabrielle Bernstein on getting rid of stress) and it cleared it immediately!! I remember just laughing to myself thinking 'where the heck has all that tension and discomfort gone?!!' I'd had it non-stop for 4 months, and an 8 minute youtube clip had just got rid of it!

I still had the forearm tenseness which sometimes included a stiff neck, but a few visits to a physio seemed to virtually get rid of that too. I remember being on a high. Confidence increased and I started feeling more like my old self. Fast forward 2 weeks later, although things seemed to have turned a corner, I'd already agreed to see a Cranial Osteopath. I still went to the appointment and explained to him that things now seemed to be really improving, he clicked my neck, clicked my back and that was that. Next day my neck and back and arms are really sore, and that is how it remained, gradually getting more painful and more consistent. I was now getting anxious that there was structural damage and that this pain was spreading over my neck, shoulders, mid and lower back, arms feeling sore, tingly and numb at times in my fingers!

I saw a physio who also said the pain was due to stress and that there was nothing structurally wrong. I started noticing that each time I either saw my doctor or the physio and they would say it was stress, I noticed the symptoms would subside considerably or even disappear for a while - so I knew it had to be something to do with the way I was thinking about the pain.

I started reading reading books like 'Mind over medicine' by Lissa Rankin, and 'The Tapping Solution for Chronic Pain' by Nick Ortner. They all started me heading in the right direction. I found a reference to John Sarno's work in the Tapping Solution last Friday, and since then I've been reading his books and listening to his audiobooks and I can already feel a huge difference. Sunday and today the pain in my neck, back and shoulders had virtually disappeared. I've noticed that there's a slight 'zingy' feeling that has come back to my lower left side of my back late this evening after I got a bit stressed getting my daughter to go to bed (she wanted to stay up with me for a while longer but she has school tomorrow and it was way past her bedtime).

It's early days, but I've had more relief in the past 2 days reading Sarno's work and reading this forum than anything else and I'm really hopeful for the future.

I'm looking forward to working through the SEP and growing through the process.

Thank you for reading - this is a loooong thread

Best wishes

 

Hi, Ian. I've been where you are and so have many others with TMS repressed emotions that cause physical pain or anxiety. We've healed, and so will you.

The SE program will help you to feel great and like a new man again. Your personal and work problems are typical to many of us. I'm so glad you are already feeling pain relief after reading Dr. Sarno and starting the SEP.

I think a book that would really help you is Dr. Claire Weekes' HOPE AND HELP FOR YOUR NERVES. She really gives great advice.

Here is a "pep talk" about the SEP healing one TMSer, Kevin. He posted it a few weeks and then a few days ago said he was 100 percent healed.

Kevin healed 95 % from SEP

Welcome to the SEP and to the path of recovery. I am on my final two days of the program and I can say with complete confidence that I am a changed man. I started after 6 months of nasty low-back/butt/leg pain, could hardly walk, stand, etc. was in physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, pain medications, etc.. the usual. My MRI showed 3 disk bulges/herniations touching nerves, so that is what I believe it to be....that is until I read Dr. Sarno and found this site.

I encourage you to really get involved, follow the instructions, do the journaling, take time to read all the suggested readings, and watch the videos. I'd say I'm 95% cured. There is still some very light lingering "annoyance", but I still have some work to do. I've been walking miles with hardly any pain these last few weeks. But even more, if the pain comes on now, it just doesn't bother me like it used to, I sorta just see it, acknowledge it, and go about my business. It took working the program to get to that point, but 6 weeks compared to 6 months is nothing! I made more progress in the first week than I did from two months of PT!!! It's going to challenge you and your "beliefs" in medicine, but you have nothing to lose. We generally wind up here when all else fails.

So give it a shot, especially before considering anything invasive like surgery. If you put the work in, you will get better. Have you read Dr. Sarno yet? I assume you have since you're here, but in case you haven't, definitely readHealing Back Pain. Again, it will challenge everything you've believed about your pain, and backs in general. You'll be encouraged to resume life as normal, i.e. stop ALL "therapies" (PT, chiro, etc.), stop taking medications, and most importantly, stop thinking STRUCTURAL problems are the cause of your pain and shift to psychological as the reason.....again, this can be difficult and takes some time to sink in, so be patient and kind to yourself.

It was a process for me. A few of the bigger moves in my case were: I ripped up and threw out my MRI test results (I found myself obsessively reading over them and comparing them to other results I could find on the web and even here on the TMSwiki site...); I got back to the gym and stopped using a weight belt; and I even cancelled an appointment I had made with aTMS doctorbecause it was more than a month away and it was hindering my recovery (that is, my 100% belief in TMS was lagging because I had this pending appointment, but as soon as I cancelled it, my recovery sped up significantly). Everyone's journey is unique to their situation, but I've found that really committing to the program and brining what I learn from it into my daily life has had profound results. Also, sharing along the way here in these forums has been extremely helpful - there's something about knowing that you're not alone in your TMS recovery that really helps. I encourage you to look through my past posts for some insight into my experience with SEP. Like I said, I'm just now finishing, tomorrow is my final day, and I feel like a changed person. It's amazing. And I feel as though it is something that one carries on with, not just like a one time 6 week thing and that's that...it has helped me to get to know myself and taught me tools to "deal" with my emotions. Learning and accepting TMS is a life changer for sure.

 

Hi Walt - thank you for kind words of support and for including Kevin's 'pep talk' - it's really appreciated

 

Hi, Ian. You're welcome. Kevin is a wonderful example of healing from TMS.

You have amost completed the SEprogram. I am glad you feel it has changed you for the better. I think I learned more about myself from the SEP thatn I ever imagined, and it was as important as healing from severe back pain.

This forum teaches us that we are not alone in our physical or emotional pain and we reach out to help each other.

The subforums have so many great posts from those in the process of healing or who have healed. It is helpful to spend some time each day looking at them. It's comforting to know we are in a very large community of people with various symptoms. I wish I had known about it years ago, but since joining it more than two years ago, I have come a long way in knowing myself and feeling better.

 

Hi Ian! I just started this program too, let's cheer each other on!
I definitely know the stress of having a parent go through chemo - my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia when I was in high school, and it was one of the worst times in my life. I'm glad to hear your mom is doing well now too! As Walt said, you're definitely not alone in your pain and experiences, and the people in this forum have already supported me so much. Welcome!!

 

Hi Mouse - great to hear from you, and thanks for the warm welcome! Agreed - lets do a bit of mutual cheerleading!

 

Hey Ian, greetings and welcome!

That's a great write-up, so don't lose track of it, because you might want to copy it to your profile page some day, and the description of your physical symptoms is going to be very helpful to future newcomers - along with a description of your success story!

Go Team Mouse & Ian!

 

Thanks Jan

 

H

 

Hi, mouse. My computer keeps wanting to post before I finish.

I just want to add my welcome to the TMS community. It is exciting and very rewarding, not only in healing but in self-discovery.

I also am a very strong believer in prayer, asking the Lord to help us heal and with other things we desire like being free from anxiety.
He is helping me more than I ever dreamed. But it is all in His good time. We can't rush Him. The bread I used to cast upon the water most of the time came back soggy. Now it is toasted just right and with jam on it. I am 85 and not sick and have no pain. I owe it to God, TMS, and my darling dog Annie.

So keep hope alive.

 

Hi Walt - you seem to have a very over excited computer that clearly knew how good your post was going to be before you'd even finished it

Thank you again for these wonderful, inspiring words. I'm continuing to make good progress with recovering from TMS, although yesterday I got a bit anxious when the pain seemed to be more exaggerated, which of course just served to make it worse. But today is a better day and my optimism has calmed the symptoms.

 

Hi there.
I live in the UK and whilst my circumstances are a little different, the essence is the same. I have recently discovered Sarno's books etc and feel I have finally found an option that makes sense. I have been seeking a solution on my own because TMS is simply not recognized here. I feel daunted and very anxious about yet another route out of 3 years of hell, but hearing stories like yours Ian H makes me feel I am finally on the right track. Thank you for taking the time to write it all down. I am not quite ready for that - it's a long and tortuous story

 

Hi, Ian. I love the computer when it works, but it has a way of acting up. Thanks for your kind words.

Hi, billiewells. The forum here has a lot of success stories about healing from TMS, I hope you will start the Structured Educational Program. It helps in discovering the TMS emotional causes of pain.

You don't have to share your pain story with us. We understand. But it is good to journal about it, as in the SEProgram. But only for about a half hour a day. Otherwise it could be a downer. Try to ignore the pain (not easy, I know) and focus on living in the present moment (mindful meditation).

By the way, I love America, despite its faults, and like British movies and tv. The old Alec Guinness and Peter Sellers comedies still break me up.
I became addicted to "Downton Abbey" and am eager to see the final season when it begins here January 2. Don't tell me what happens!

I visited London for a week many years ago and loved it.

 

Hi Billie - thanks for getting in touch. I only discovered Sarno's books a few week's ago, and like you I think it makes perfect sense. I totally understand your anxiety. There are TMS therapists in the UK, so we're not on our own this side of the pond

Georgie Oldfield (georgieoldfield.com) has founded Sirpa which is based on Sarno's approach. I've got a 15 min consultation scheduled with her on Tuesday over the phone. And if you google TMS therapists in the UK you'll find one fairly close to you I'm sure.

When you're ready, you can share as much of your story as you feel comfortable doing, it's a really supportive community.

Best wishes - Ian

 

Hi again, Ian. OOps. I see you have begin the SEP. Stick with it. It healed me and many others. One of our community, Kevin, posted that he healed 95 percent from the SEP and later that it was 100 percent. Here is his post:

Kevin healed 95 % from SEP

Welcome to the SEP and to the path of recovery. I am on my final two days of the program and I can say with complete confidence that I am a changed man. I started after 6 months of nasty low-back/butt/leg pain, could hardly walk, stand, etc. was in physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, pain medications, etc.. the usual. My MRI showed 3 disk bulges/herniations touching nerves, so that is what I believe it to be....that is until I read Dr. Sarno and found this site.

I encourage you to really get involved, follow the instructions, do the journaling, take time to read all the suggested readings, and watch the videos. I'd say I'm 95% cured. There is still some very light lingering "annoyance", but I still have some work to do. I've been walking miles with hardly any pain these last few weeks. But even more, if the pain comes on now, it just doesn't bother me like it used to, I sorta just see it, acknowledge it, and go about my business. It took working the program to get to that point, but 6 weeks compared to 6 months is nothing! I made more progress in the first week than I did from two months of PT!!! It's going to challenge you and your "beliefs" in medicine, but you have nothing to lose. We generally wind up here when all else fails.

So give it a shot, especially before considering anything invasive like surgery. If you put the work in, you will get better. Have you read Dr. Sarno yet? I assume you have since you're here, but in case you haven't, definitely readHealing Back Pain. Again, it will challenge everything you've believed about your pain, and backs in general. You'll be encouraged to resume life as normal, i.e. stop ALL "therapies" (PT, chiro, etc.), stop taking medications, and most importantly, stop thinking STRUCTURAL problems are the cause of your pain and shift to psychological as the reason.....again, this can be difficult and takes some time to sink in, so be patient and kind to yourself.

It was a process for me. A few of the bigger moves in my case were: I ripped up and threw out my MRI test results (I found myself obsessively reading over them and comparing them to other results I could find on the web and even here on the TMSwiki site...); I got back to the gym and stopped using a weight belt; and I even cancelled an appointment I had made with aTMS doctorbecause it was more than a month away and it was hindering my recovery (that is, my 100% belief in TMS was lagging because I had this pending appointment, but as soon as I cancelled it, my recovery sped up significantly). Everyone's journey is unique to their situation, but I've found that really committing to the program and brining what I learn from it into my daily life has had profound results. Also, sharing along the way here in these forums has been extremely helpful - there's something about knowing that you're not alone in your TMS recovery that really helps. I encourage you to look through my past posts for some insight into my experience with SEP. Like I said, I'm just now finishing, tomorrow is my final day, and I feel like a changed person. It's amazing. And I feel as though it is something that one carries on with, not just like a one time 6 week thing and that's that...it has helped me to get to know myself and taught me tools to "deal" with my emotions. Learning and accepting TMS is a life changer for sure.

 

Thank you Ian. I live rurally in the UK and finding a practitioner may be a real struggle. I have been pushed from pillar to post in the health system and even although I was the one to suggest this was all psychologically based, given a life time batttle with anxiety and a chain of stressful life events spent 11 months seeking emotional support, have come up with nothing.

Inevitably this makes everything a lot worse and given that my partner left in v unpleasant circumstances I am coping with all of this in isolation. I will look into Georgie and Sirpa. I am interested to see what you think. Good luck.

Billie

 

PS. I have just looked at the Sirpa website and it all seems rather expensive Ian and the practitioners have a very varied range of qualifications? Not quite like the U.S. TMS Wiki? What do you think about this?

 

Hi, Billie. I'm sorry you are in pain and that your partner left the way he did. But you are not in isolation... as Ian says, we here at the TMS forum are a very caring community and you can talk to us through postings anytime.

You might also watch some of the videos on Youtube dealing with TMS and healing.

I spent a week in London some years ago and loved it, but never saw rural UK. I bet it is lovely and peaceful, from the movies I've seen. Try to enjoy it for yourself and for me!

And what do you like to do that relaxes you. Try to do more of it. Share that with us if you want. I'm a writer... my books are at
www.walteroleksybooks.com. You might enjoy THE MURDER OF THE MONTH CLUB, a humorous murder novel about some senior citizens in a New England village.

 

Hi Billie

I agree, some of the options offered by Sirpa are on the expensive side. My call on Tuesday is a free 15 minute consultation, I'm interested in getting another perspective from someone who studied with Sarno. I'll definitely let you know how it goes! Jane Parkinson is based in the UK and is listed as one of the TMS therapists here on this site. She's based in Brighton but does phone or Skype sessions.

Whereabouts are you Billie?

 

Would be v interested to hear your reaction to Georgie session. When you think how many resources are offered by TMS wiki for free, Iwonder what the recovery programme she offers for £187 can possibly offer and why she feels she has to charge for it. I am in West Berks, in the middle of nowhere - pretty but not TMS savvy.