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Day 20 Getting scary

J

Judy66

New Member
Have journalled loads, discovered lots of anger. Pain continues often stronger than ever. Yesterday managed to tell partner of 30 years some of my truth and felt better to have done it. Partner as so often chose not or was unable to respond. However, has been nicer to me and talking to me more since. Breaks my heart as he is still closed but sort of more focused on keeping me happy. This morning I thanked him for his kindness and explained that this couldn't be a substitute for real feeling connection. Silence again and a hurt look. I cried in private later. Feels almost too big to handle - even as I sense that I'm on the right track. I know that Dr Sarno suggested that emotional awareness is key, but awareness makes me realise that the status quo in my relationship is not ok. Thank you to this forum- I'm finding everything in this programme a great support.
 
Hi, Judy. I think some men, maybe even most men, are reluctant to discuss personal or emotional issues. I know some who are real stoics, they never ever have a meaningful conversation with anyone, even with their wife or mother.

I suggest you accept that your partner is connecting with you in a limited way. It seems like he is connecting a little... maybe that's all he can do, now.
He may be more open later. Give him time. Be glad for the little progress made so far.
 
Thanks so much for your comments. I know, as I wrote it, I worried (worry!) about how negative it sounded. I have run courses and written on communication, EQ etc. for a quite a long time and understand the dynamic at a conscious level, but this journalling has surprised me by bringing up amazingly strongly the insistent, urgent voice of my inner child, and makes me realise how diminished, passive and hopeless I've allowed myself to feel in this one area of my life.
Today, day 20, I got up in pain, and decided that - whatever - I would go to yoga, and have just had a brilliant morning. AND the sun is shining here in midwinter. This afternoon I went for a walk and even jogged a bit. So I'm still on my way to recovery!
 
Judy! I'm experiencing the SAmE thing right now. While exposing my repressed emotions is helping me heal it's also surfacing such painful realizations. I'm experiencing the same things in my marriage right now as I work through stuff I didn't even know I was feeling (because I wasn't allowing myself to)....

So now I'm experiencing a pretty significant extinction burst. It's scary. I know the fear is working on me but I am also fighting back. I will win but the battle is rough, huh?

Remember you are doing great. There is no magical measure of our success right now. But we are both "doing it". I'm reminded by Alan Gordon that I choose to be empowered and that means I choose to not be afraid. There's not room for both.

:) great luck to you.

Crissy
 
Lovely encouraging replies! It's so good to have you friends out there. It's exactly as you describe Crissy - "as I work through stuff I didn't even know I was feeling (because I wasn't allowing myself to)....". In a way, the strength of these hidden feelings IS empowering, even as it scares initially. Go go go!
 
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