From TMS to Sex/Porn Addiction

[James11]

Hello,

I thought my first post here would be a success story and in some ways it is. I have completely recovered from my physical TMS pain after years of having it. I had a slew of symptoms like being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, RSI, back pain, tinnitus, hip pain and vertigo. Reading Dr. Sarno's book got me about 70-80% better within a week and then over the last 2.5-3 years I followed the advice posted by Ace1, Balto and Baseball65 to recover that last 20-30%. So, thank you if any of you are reading this and to everyone else, just know it is sometimes a matter of years to recover, but it's not linear and you will get there.

I felt that if I could only get rid of my physical pain that my life would be perfect and it has improved, but I started to notice unhealthy mental patterns increase significantly once my pain went away.

I feel sort of like an addict. Not when it comes to drugs or alcohol, but to pornography and sex. I'm currently engaged and my partner could not be more supportive of a person. I love her, but I'm constantly battling these urges to view pornography or fantasize about people. When we are intimate, I'm fully in the moment and it's great, but the next day I'm back to my old ways. I hate it. I feel like I'm turning people into objects and never content with what I have. I know it's a problem and I dont like it, but I feel like I constantly have to fight the feelings away and it occupies my mind most days.

We plan to marry this summer and in the next few years, start a family. I want to enjoy this time with just her and be present as a dad in the future. I've been porn free for about 12 days and have been thinking about meditating and maybe joining a support group(not sure where to start), but does anyone have any other advice? Has anyone else experience addictive tendencies upon recovering from TMS?

Thanks for taking the time to read this and sorry if it's a little more...adultish. I appreciate any advice and if you have questions about my physical recovery, let me know(But obviously I'm not completely TMS free).

 

[Tms_joe]

Forgive yourself man. You are judging yourself right here in this post. Humans are flawed, and you are human. It's no longer a "problem" after that.

You seem to have become quite sure this is negative, and you want it gone, right? So what is injecting doubt? It's no different than the TMS pain you were addicted to. It was an addiction, right? Didn't you feel that that longing or loneliness as you realized that pain was gone, like you missed it?

Once the mind is made up, you just do it. Stop listening to thoughts of how your future is going to be if you do or don't quit. Stay in the present moment where you can always use willpower until it's not something you need in your life.

 

[miffybunny]

I think any kind of addiction is a way of coping with anxiety. You will need to ask yourself honestly, what is underneath the anxiety? What are the emotions?? Are you afraid of being vulnerable in a relationship? Relationships are all about connection on an emotional level. Ironically pornography is the exact opposite. It's mechanical and devoid of emotions. I would actually say it's dehumanizing and like any other drug, your brain becomes desensitized to it. It's like they have to keep upping the ante to get the chemical rush in the brain but it's so hollow ultimately. All habits rob us from the present moment and true connection. It's a waste of time and mental band width.

 

[Baseball65]

Has anyone else experience addictive tendencies upon recovering from TMS?

Nothing that a little bit of Heroin, Violence and Divorce can't fix.!!

LOL...just kidding


You know, I think all of us go through a sort of 'rebound' thing anytime we have some spiritual growth and that's what dealing with TMS ultimately is....it's below the level of our conscious mind and physical body interacting. You can play with words but it is 'spiritual' as in cutting to the deepest depths of our reality.

Right after my symptoms went away I dealt with GNARLY anger...like start a fight in the middle of the street anger. So I went and got help. Then I had some respite for awhile, but the me that unchained a few links wasn't that popular with my wife... I started feeling isolated and discovered Roxy (oops)
One time when i was trying to get off dope, she told the doctor at a family counseling meeting "I like him better when he's strung out... he's easier to manage"... Well. I suppose. That was also a screaming red light that my marriage was sort of a bad business deal. Time to move on AGAIN. Depression, hit the bottle again, got sober....and sometimes it feels like you get 3 steps forward and slide back 2.

BUT... It has all been forward ultimately. The Mississippi river goes from Minnesota to Louisiana, but it turns back north a lot of the way.... it just Ultimately gets there.

Just like we didn't get rid of pain by getting better dealing with the physical issues, any spiritual malady (TMS, dope, booze, sex, food, gambling...etc. ad infinitum) is usually best dealt with by getting back to the basics. I work on all of the other things and sort of forget about what the perceived 'problem' is, and I look up...and it's not a problem. It's just gone

and to be quite frank about the porn, most of my friends who think its an issue are of the higher minded types who have worked through a lot of other shit...so congratulations! Your in like the top %age of quality people who actually think about it. But just like the TMS, IT isn't the problem. More is the problem. Thinking is the problem. I am the problem. not the stuff out there...it's just...there.

 

[Baseball65]

they find themselves watching circus dwarfs in fetish shoes porn

So, your saying that's bad?

 

[miffybunny]

So, your saying that's bad?

LOL! No, not at all. That in and of itself, not necessarily. It's more the endless quest to distract and chase a unicorn of sorts... the feeling of never being satisfied. As with any addiction, people get caught up in wasting hours and avoiding life and becoming disconnected. Like video games, drugs, gambling, addiction or shopping or facebook or even being on tms wiki too much if they are trying to get better. It's not the "thing"...it's the intention and motivation behind it, and the pattern of behavior that may be destructive to a person's life. Everything in context lol.

 

[Cog]

have been thinking about meditating and maybe joining a support group(not sure where to start)

I agree with joining a support group. There's something about being around others who are overcoming the same issues. There are secular and non-secular groups. If you believe in God, a non-secular one is the way to go. I've attended a Christian one before called Celebrate Recovery and it's very good. Sometimes we need help outside of ourselves to overcome addictions.

 

[Shawn Bonneteau]

Hey James11, how are you doing with things since this post back in Feb?

I was addicted to porn and masturbation and sought out sex as a way to reenact what I watched. I saw porn at 10, struggled for 14 years, and quit on my 25th birthday after being married for 8 months. There's MUCH more to that story, but just for some insight, I get the struggle and it SUCKS. However, since then, I felt called to help men with the same story and got trained to do so and I actually use a lot of the TMS practices in my work. It sounds like you are likely closer than you think, sadly, most of the "porn help" out there is too focused on the behavior and not enough on one's story behind the urges. This is much like TMS and what they teach, but with sex, because it touches our very soul, we need to look even deeper. So with all this being said, you're on the right track with where you want to go, but I would be interested to get an update and see where you're at and what is and what is not working so far.

I would be happy to help steer you in the right direction if you want some help

 

[Alisa_88]

I have had an addiction that could relate that was shut due to years of TMS pain and when I discovered it was TMS and cured it all yes all my addiction came back so year, it's just another coping mechanism. Haven't found the solution for that, but I think actually the purpose of all my pains was to distract me from this addiction. And now for the first time in a year I have some serious problem come back, some diziness, I believe it's a TMS trying to cover everything again...

Thing is I though the addiction felt much better than having TMS pains so I kinda let myself sink into it. It was a really bad idea. I don't know if you're feeling it was the same for you ? Like I was so scared having to deal with symptoms again I just preferred to stay deep in adiction. Which was stupid cause I did have some TMS symptomes and I always manage to make them go away as I am well trained now. So one advice is to not compensate with anything cause it can become worse...

good luck