From SteveO's "10 Book" :

page 6,

The number one sign that a person is not ready to heal is when they trash the TMS message. Other common signs that they are not quite ready are evidenced by the following actions:

* They throw Healing Back Pain across the room.

* They want free help ONLY, (edit by author's suggestion ).

* They search for discrepancies in the TMS materials to find something to dispute, to exclude themselves as potential candidates for healing, often proclaiming, "Not everything is TMS!"

* They impugn the motives of those who are helping people heal.

* They never act on the TMS information in front of them.

* They ask questions to which they already have the answers.

* They jump from one TMS expert to another.

* They hear but they don't listen.

 

TTom, I’m glad you posted this. It’s one of the most talked about sections in that little book. I can use this opportunity to set the record straight. But this should have its own thread with a title like “When people don’t want to heal” or “not ready to heal,” to get a broader viewing because it’s important to understanding. This topic is not intended to criticize, but to help.

I wrote the book to honor Dr. Sarno of course, but also to help people see clearer. It’s the only book written specifically about his work and his impact around the world.

This section on “those not ready to heal” was intended to show some sufferers that they are not fully invested in their healing, based on what I’ve seen over the past two decades, and on a daily basis. The heart of my third book’s message was on “readiness.” All who are ready to heal will heal when their time comes, never before. In between now and then are signs that they aren’t ready to heal. I’ll take them one at a time:

The number one sign that a person is not ready to heal is when they trash the TMS message. This is obvious, right?

Other common signs that they are not quite ready are evidenced by the following actions:

* They throw Healing Back Pain across the room.

This was my sign of non-readiness but others have also done this. It seems I’m not the only dummy out there.


* They want free help only.

The word Tom should have placed in bold here is “only.” People who are often wealthy or can afford professional help will email repeatedly for free advice. They will also hang out at forums asking questions that are easily answered in the many TMS books because they won’t spend 10 or 20 dollars on something that will change their lives. They post threads at forums like, “what about journaling?” “What about when the pain moves?” “What about emotions?” “Is anger the only emotion?”These things are all well answered in the material or by TMS experts, but they won’t go there because it’s not free. At that point healing is a secondary notion, a side thing. If it’s free or easy they will heal, if not, they still have their cane or pain pills to lean on. If a person is poor and cannot afford something that is a different matter, and they are usually taken care of. I certainly do my best to help them. My point is they are not ready, when they CAN afford it and will still not put skin in their own game. This is an important point in healing because it reveals the unconscious motivations for failing. I’ve spoken to some TMS docs about this and they see it too. Jesus said the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure in a field, when you discover that treasure you will spend all you have to buy that field. When I finally “bought in” to Dr. Sarno I bought a half dozen HBPs, 4 or 5 versions of his audio, and several copies of MOBP. I was in all the way, ready to heal.

The idea of hanging out at free forums itself is part of the cause of TMS which is not having someone in their lives. Sufferers are lonely and need to be heard. Which leads into the other indicators that someone is not ready to heal. A forum should be used to gather information and to ask enough questions to discover where to go, and of course to hopefully connect with someone who has what you have, to ease fear.

* They search for discrepancies in the TMS materials to find something to dispute, to exclude themselves as potential candidates for healing, often proclaiming, "Not everything is TMS!"

It’s clear by now that everything is TMS, until proven to be the rare “otherwise.” So when people futilely attempt to exclude themselves they are not yet ready to heal. One common example is someone who contacts me saying, “Dr. Sarno says the TMS is on the bottom of the foot but mine is on the top!” One I received years ago was, “Dr. Sarno mentions the knee pain as being a half inch above the kneecap but mine is about 2 inches above?” Or, “TMS is seen in the back and limbs but I have stomach pain.” Every day, people are seeking ways out of healing through being the “exceptional ruler.” They feel different and unique from others, or try to set themselves apart because they are not ready to heal. By saying “not everything is TMS” they throw out the baby with the bathwater. And of course everything is TMS, until it’s ruled out.

* They impugn the motives of those who are helping people heal.

I sometimes get emails like, “you make me sick to my stomach that you charge people for help!” Of course I reply by asking them how many people they have helped from suffering, or how many lives they’ve helped to save? The answer is always none, of course. Those of us who are trying to help don’t have any other form of income, and there’s very little money to be made in TMS. We help because we enjoy it and want to give back. The TMS docs make very little from TMS. The idea is to survive another day to help people from needless suffering by spreading the correct information on how to heal. No one is in the TMS business to get rich. If I made a mi$$ion I would give most back to helping. But those who are not ready to heal use shadow projection to impugn the motives of those who are actually helping. Will there be those who come along to make a quick buck off of suffering? Yes! It is guaranteed, but they will quickly be revealed.

* They never act on the TMS information in front of them.

Dr. Sarno spoke of the 2 pillars in healing. The first is the acquisition of knowledge into the nature of the (TMS) disorder, ie, learn all you can about TMS and how the mind affects the body, read, watch, ask, learn. The second pillar in healing is acting on that knowledge, aka living it. People who are not ready to heal never step onto the second pillar. They will read and read and read the books, hang out at forums asking redundant questions and never change. This is a defense mechanism against healing. They fear the changes necessary and so stand on pillar one grasping to current knowledge.

* They ask questions to which they already have the answers.

This is one of the most draining aspects of helping people but it’s another defense against healing, and also part of the loneliness aspect of suffering. They talk just to connect (another reason for never stepping off pillar 1). They know the answers to what they are asking but they need to be heard/connect. So they ask questions to which they already have the answers, sometimes out of fear; trying to convince themselves of certain points on which they fear to change. But more often they ask redundant questions so they can be heard when no one’s listening at home. The TMS physicians have said that they can see some patients come to talk to them because no one at home is listening.

* They jump from one TMS expert to another.

This is a common one, people will often fly into America (or be dragged out by the feet if overbooked), or travel within the US to see a TMS doc. They get a TMS diagnosis and then travel to the next doc, etc, on down the chain. They are not yet ready to see the end and so they “practice getting ready to heal.” They often delay by doubting. If they were to accept the diagnosis they would then heal, yet are not ready.

* They hear but they don't listen.

I see it in this Wiki as well, I’ve answered some direct questions to people, and they then go on to ask the same question in a different way. Or, out in public a person is given the answers to their problem and yet keeps asking about healing. For ex., a person has an obvious case of TMS, their mother just died and they begin getting migraines. They are told about TMS and they keep asking about medications or chiro or acupuncture, they then ask about surgery or neck braces, etc. Their emotional pain is too deep to mess with healing; they still need the diversion and don’t listen. This falls into all the above categories as well, when people are not ready they will not pay attention, unconsciously. The definition of avoidance is “keeping away from something, or not doing something.”

The patterns of the people who heal are that they consistently never come to forums. They hear about TMS, read a book or hire an expert and they heal having never come to a public arena. The forums (not always of course) are places where people tend to delay healing. One that comes to mind is that almost every thread posted daily is already answered in the TMS books. Generally speaking why do people ask questions of others who are not experts? The answer is always to connect with those who understand them, to ease the sting of loneliness.

Healing is easy when the person is ready and it’s not about money. It’s about helping and wanting to be healed. Fred Amir offers free seminars, how many have attended? When people are not ready some reasons are clear, as I've written, but others not so clear as in the psychological nature of suffering and defense. It can get complex, but healing doesn't have to be at all. It's quite simple... with the correct information and a deep desire to heal.

Good luck to all who are, and who are not ready,

SteveO

 

Steve O, your response should be a new post on why people don't heal.
Everytime I get an SI, I think of your email response to me: "Remember, you're doing it to yourself." I think that thought and soon the SI is gone, or sometimes becomes something new.
After 5 decades of TMS, I'm going to get there. Yes, I will.
I have regrets that I spent so many years of my life with TMS. That, I'm sure, doesn't help anything.

Thanks for all you do. And, for posting. Lucky us.

Marcia

 

Hi Marcia, I'm happy that you found TMS, like I did. Every day around the world I receive email from people who are healing with my books thanks to Dr. Sarno's courage and his compassionate insight. He doesn't respond any more, we stayed in contact for years I hope he's ok.

The "doing it to yourself" is a major point when I work with people. Some TMS counselors are reluctant to tell their clients that they are doing it to themselves. But nothing can be changed until it is first "realized," nothing can be brought back into focus until we realize that it's first out of focus. And healing cannot occur without a fundamental shift in understanding/realization. Many people only want to hear that what they believe is true, but what we repress is what we don't like, what goes against our wishes. We don't repress joy. Dr. Sarno referred to this as "..don't do their bidding." When the world doesn't act in the manner we want we become enraged, this is at the heart of ego-consciousness. Who are we? Why should the world conform to us and our demands? It strikes at the heart of unmet childhood needs.

Holding up a mirror to their faces shows them who they are and they begin to heal.

Also Marcia, begin to understand that you are already healed. When I realized this it was the last time I had crippling pain, 17 years ago. When you tell yourself that "I'm going to get there" you set that very matrix into motion as your new reality. The delay in thinking delays the end. Braden sees the same thing I see in TMS but he explains it better. If you get time watch this, I lived this and see it working often.



We get back what we reflect, the very arrows that we ourselves have fired, or as Jung stated the shadow is most often seen in projection, aka Matthew 7:3. What we see in others and hate is merely a projection outward from within ourselves, those things we hate in ourselves we hate others for but the problem is really within us. Thus, we are creating our own pain. When we criticize someone else the shadow is controlling us.

We go to the most extreme measures to avoid the truth within ourselves. One of those measures is TMS, other ways are addiction and phobias, etc.

Those who fully realize they are already healed, heal. But they have to believe it deep within their hearts, or they still need the diversion by their ego.

SteveO

 

Fantastic, Steve O. Thank you so, so much. Applying the "already happened" starting now. I appreciate that you always give credit to Sarno, but your willingness to write your OWN story had SO much influence on me. So, you are my Sarno. Thank you!

 

That whole response is superb Steve. I read your book, The Great Pain Deception, from cover to cover. An excellent read, and very thorough.

So much of what you say in this post relates to me. My pain is (rather embarrassingly) in the penis, and perineum (it moves between the two), and so today whilst listening to Healing Back Pain I hear him talk about TMS pain only being in the neck, back and buttocks, and I start thinking 'ah right, well that's not me then', but then I try to remember that in later books I was sure he said different stuff. It's that kind of thing that is probably delaying my recovery.

So thanks for your inspiration Steve.

 

Great discussion here. Among your many good points, I appreciate Steve how you continue to touch into the aspect of loneliness and particularly the sense that "we are not being heard" both as being a contributing factor to TMS, and an unfortunate common experience in our society. A lot of what I call "self-compassion training" is teaching people to have an intimacy with themselves, which we are always seeking from outside. We can feel so alone.

I think that really exploring emotional pain is not for the faint of heart, yes. At the same time, one part of the defense mechanisms of avoidance is to unconsciously exaggerate the difficulties of allowing our hurt, anger and other feelings. We have a limited understanding of our feelings from the perspective of a very vulnerable child who could not tolerate these energies in our system. Hence the defenses developed, way back when. As adults, and with guidance, and witnessing, we have a tremendous capacity to explore and love ourselves. Yet there is this fear of the "difficult" or "unknown." It is visceral, yet not really based on fact. We can feel and cry and rage, and it is actually OK. We'll still be here. But our conditioning creates a deep doubt that this can be OK.

 

Tom

How are you longtime ...how about when you spent thousands with tms therapy dr also great advice form Steve O and still 7 years of pain last 6 months as been crippling ...maybe I need the Skype talk with Steve O I am so sick of the pain ...maybe I need to have the pain get me to the ground and scream and cry for help.

 

Steve

I am ready to have my Skype sesssion I know I am close I just need a little guidance

 

I am just starting to understand that the loneliness is a major factor of my pain ...since being divorced and leaving alone with my son who really is never around I find a lot of time being alone and I notice how bad my pain gets !!
It's constant all day no relief ...well when I excersise it a bit better ...but being alone with my thoughts is tough...know my younger brother is moving to California with his family and I am in total break down mode ...he was a big support system know he gone from my life since I have been realized that this is really happening my pain as been threw the roof and been crying so much.

I am playing with the thoughts of taking antidepressant again but I don't want to go down that root.. my tms Dr as been great..he told me let the pain take you to the floor and give in 100 % not 99.99999 ...but he also said that he would give me something if I was suffering that much...

Marco

 

Marco,

Sorry to hear how hard these recent months have been for you. Can you go to California with your brother…for a change of scenery? At least for a week or two?

Marcia

 

Hi Marco, just a quick update on that one, sorry but I got to jump into the pool. I only spent $600 on Schechter and I think my insurance picked it up. He looked at my images I hauled down to his Beverly Hills office and said I didn't have TMS and to get a hip replacement sooner then later--I think that was about ten years ago now. I saw his therapist for a couple of sessions who's office was nearby, Don Dubin who was great, and said he didn't always agree with him. He said I knew as much about TMS theory as anyone and the most sessions he ever had to do to convey the concept was twelve. Since then I've just kept on playing tennis, working, traveling, working out in the pool, some track days, and being a TMS hobbyist.

Sorry to hear you're not in a good place, give SteveO a call, everyone needs a coach from time to time, to keep them going in the right track. If you want give me a call too, pm be your number if you like.

 

Andy I look forward to reading your book one day, you get it.

I recognized loneliness in everyone I worked with early on. I also recognized it in myself, which is why I hung out at forums. I thought I was looking for a cure for my pain but I was looking for connection, people who would side with me and support me. The physical pain is just a reflection of that deep need. Most people who heal don't come to forums. They read the material, don't question it or try to break it down, and move on. Many need more support, and rare few intense counseling. I've only seen a few I had to send to Dr. Sarno's therapists, but they're doing great now.

You're right Andy, it takes great courage, and we also magnify the pain, both emotional and physical. I came to understand this when I began working with more teenagers. They not only magnify the pain and symptoms in their heads, but they also magnify the shame in their minds. I just ended watching a series called 13 Reasons Why and Hannah magnified the pain where some of it wasn't even warranted. But pain only has meaning in the eyes of the beholder.

Marcia I hope you get to that deeper understanding that you are already healed. Our perception of our environment creates our reality. What our senses perceive alters our biology, and the driver is belief. I've worked with people who were told they had fibromyalgia, an "incurable disease" that cannot be cured, only managed. But 2 hours after we met they were healed, no more body tension or arm and trunk distortion like when they signed on. Relaxed and calm. They had shifted their perception of awareness and healed quickly. But as I've seen many times it also depends heavily on readiness. I could have told these people the very same things at the wrong time and it wouldn't have worked. When we are ready to give up our suffering, ie, when it has run its purpose in us, we heal.

Thanks for the kind words Eugene, I hope my books helped somehow, always remember, pants first, and THEN shoes,

SteveO

 

TT

Thx for the reply ....in my case which I have full blown body pain 25-7 CRPS Fibro Neuropathey I had all of these said to me ....all TMS equivalent ..

Been threw hell but not back stuck in hell...Steve as been great he made me finally realize that the loneliness is my gasoline of pain..

But I can't seem to get out...I do excersise jog life weight swim and I seem to get relief in doing so .

I sleep not so well not do to the pain usually I don't have much when I'm in bed I fall asleep but don't stay asleep once my brain and mind are awake bam the pain comes and stays.

Been to the hospital numerous time last time I was in a semi conscious state with BP 250/110 could not speak and my whole right side was shaking uncontrollable.

This happens 15 min after my daughter told me that my ex brought her boyfriend to the divorce hearings . I laughed when she told me , then fainted 15 min later.

I have a great TMS Dr here in Boston Dr Angelov he gets it ...he's been threw it....I liked him so much I made him my primary. He told me to let my TMS pain take me to the ground and scream for help he said to let go and stop hanging on to the ropes of pain.

As for tms work I been journaling as per Nichole Sacks ...find it very helpful .
I see a therpist that as researched and educated herself in tms and as been the best one I had ...including the 4 TMS therpist that I had in 7 years .

She also feels that one should not suffer physically or mentally for such a long time without some help from medications ...which I have avoided but am seriously thinking to go back.

I have a hard time working and living life to its fullest..I am trying to be a soldier and fight threw this horrific time in my life.

But my armor his pretty banged up, I have been listening to the all of victory success stories which are really pretty powerful .

A lot of these people suffered for a longtime and worse than I and healed , though some help with meds.

Yes I would love to chat my #7813894398 pm me when a good time is .

Yes I need to maybe skype Steve Ozanich ...he been great in returning my insane emails to him...maybe he should get A Nobel prize and humanitarianism !!!!

Anyway just wanted to thx you all again ..I would like to hear anybody out who went back on a antidepressant to stablelize them ...

Sincerely
Marco

 

I've used anti-depressants for brief periods twice in my long life to get through rough patches and they worked. I've never been on them long-term, just for a few weeks to settle my TMS/nervous system so I could function and focus. Nothing wrong with that, and Dr. Sarno prescribed meds when needed. I wouldn't want to be on them long term because they would keep me from being in the "present", where I generally enjoy being.

 

Thx TT don't anti take 4-6 weeks to kick in? To get any relief ..

 

There are so many, but I recall getting instant relief, it was Librium back in the late 60's, a summer of love thing, too much bad pot followed up by a junior year abroad. I was prescribed them by a doc who saw I was VERY nervous. Within two weeks I was MUCH better.

 

Wow well I don't even know if the prescribe that anymore all I know my body is on fire all day from my feet to my head ...

It's incredible how much pain a human can deal with everyday it's got to catch up to you at some pint

 

Hi Boston Redsox. I'm sorry you are in such pain, emotionally, mentally and physically. Since loneliness is your gasoline of pain, I'm suggesting that you don't try to exercise it out, but use some of that time to connect with people who need your help instead. Maybe volunteer at a homeless shelter, a retirement or nursing home, an animal shelter, anywhere that needs volunteers. Unless you meet up regularly at the gym with a group of people who know you by name, in my experience it doesn't do much for loneliness. It relieves stress, which is why I like to run, walk, and do yoga, but it's people (or animals) appreciating you in their presence that helps with loneliness.
I had a 'tms situation' yesterday (Sunday) that brought this to my mind as I drove to the gym to work out. I was feeling lonely and I realized it was because it reminded me of all the Sundays I spent when I was single in my twenties when I would go exercise to fill the loneliness void because I wasn't at home (my mother's) for Sunday dinner.

 

Wow, this is an interesting and informative thread. Marco, I am sorry that you are in such pain. Having your brother leave the state must certainly be adding fuel to the fire. Read Steve's words- very insightful for sure. I think I need to reread Steve's posts too.)