Frequent Flares-medicine holding me back?

[Joulegirl]

I was doing so much better but in the last month or so, I've had frequent flares. I feel like I went backwards and erased any progress I had main. The last three weeks, I have ended up on the couch at some point and I couldn't do much at all. It scared me.

I was having a particularly bad day last Friday/Saturday. I had to travel to my daughters dance comp and my pain level was 20/10. My stomach meds didn't even touch it. I ended up taking more of my other med, which is an TAC antidepressant to help with pain. Antidepressants don't work fast to stop chronic pain, but I was desperate. I got into a bigger anxiety spiral because I've never had that happen before that the stomach medicine didn't at least take the edge off the pain. I spiraled from Friday night til about Saturday afternoon. By Saturday afternoon, we headed to the hotel and I went to bed. I couldn't sleep because of the pain but I knew I could meditate. I tried Curable meditation and I didn't calm down. So I just laid there and was breathing. Then I went to youtube to find another meditation that might work for me while I was suffering. I found Tanner Mutagh's videos. On my first page a meditation/somatic practice popped up and I did it. I did calm down and my pain seemed to calm down too. But I wondered if it was a coincidence because I took a little more of the antidepressant the night before, or if laying in bed resting, deep breathing, and using guided meditation helped.

Side note: I've done that in the past to take more of the antidepressant. It's almost like my brain recognizes it's some kind of medicine and will just fix the pain the next day even though in reality it can take up to a week to show signs of improvement. I don’t think antidepressants can improve the pain in less than 24 hours. Last year, I ended up trying to stay on the higher dose, but after two weeks on the higher dose the pain came back. Anytime I do increase medicine, it will help me get out of the urgent pain, but it never fixes the problem long term. This is how I know it has to be TMS because it did the same thing when I had nerve pain, and I had to have the doctor increase my nerve pain meds. They kept saying how a flare could break through, but it shouldn’t override the entire pain medicine where I need a higher dose every couple of months.

I know we aren’t doctors here, but I find it weird that I have two TMS conditions and both overrode medicines at some point where I thought I needed more medicine. What do I do now? I am petrified that I’m going to be on the couch again doubled over in pain. I can’t do that-I have way too much going on at work and in my personal life to be stuck on the couch. I have been using Curable every day for their daily guidance which includes brain retraining and sometimes writing. I also have been using Curable to meditate, but after rediscovering Tanner Mutagh’s videos I’ve been doing his meditations and somatic practices for 30 mins a day. Usually it is calming, but last night after doing it, I had more pain and I had a hard time going to sleep last night. I ended up taking more medicine and once I did that, my brain calmed down and was able to fall asleep really fast. Suspiciously fast since one medicine does take about an 45 minutes to an hour to kick in.

I think having medication to fall back on is holding me back from real TMS healing with these stomach symptoms. When a big flare pops up, I run to the medication to save me since I’m so scared of these symptoms and do not want to be couch-bound. How do I even transition to relying on myself knowing it is TMS when my reaction to them is very strong?

 

[Ellen]

I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I've been there and know it is a version of hell.

People in the TMS community have differing views about meds. My feeling is that if it helps, use it. Just be clear that you're not solving a physical problem with it if what you have is TMS. But the placebo effect is very real and can get you through some bad times. At least that was how it worked for me. As you note, unfortunately the placebo effect doesn't last for a long time. Eventually your brain catches on and overrides it.

Meditation is a good tool for calming down your thoughts and nervous system. But if you use it with your eye on the end result (lower pain) then, in my opinion, it won't work very well. I use mindfulness meditation and it is all about surrendering to the present moment without judgement. It's not about "I will do X to achieve a future result of Y". That is "doing" and to me meditation is about "not doing". I know it sounds like splitting hairs, but for me it is a valid difference.

It sounds to me like you need to "just be" sometimes. Take a break from all the stressful busyness of your life. I know it's easier said than done when you are a busy parent. But I think if you could carve out some "me time" like taking a relaxing bath or listening to music it would be very therapeutic. Self soothing as Sarno referred to it. Your TMS may be about trying to get you to slow down.

 

[Joulegirl]

Using medicine to help heal has always been ok in my book too. Until this weekend when I realized I was using it to "solve" my pain problem. This may explain why I have felt much better over the course of this past year, but still dealing with some issues.

I know it sounds like splitting hairs, but for me it is a valid difference.

Thank you for clarifying this. When I've been meditating, my goal is to just calm myself and bring myself back into the moment. So that is my goal is to be in the present again and to be in my body. But I can see how I could easily slip in the goal of doing meditation so I feel better in my symptoms.

It sounds to me like you need to "just be" sometimes.

The next two weeks are busier (hs graduation and end of the school year), but once school is out things will really calm down. It's really calmed down from how it was from last May with my kids activities-so I am heading in the right direction of not being so busy. With my daughter dropping school dance team, we both are loving the extra free time!

Curable had a writing activity about self care and when I could find time for me. It was a wonderful activity that helped me see I have time in my day to relax even when things do get a bit busier.

 

[Cactusflower]

Two things have stood out to me 1) are you using the meditations to "fix" - you seem to still be reactive and get into spirals easily. Sometimes we use things like mediation as medication - fixes. Just something to observe, in case you find there's habit there.

"I have too much going on at work and in my personal life". How does it make you feel to always have a lot on your plate and only a little time for you?

 

[Rabscuttle]

What meds do you take for the stomach issues?

you didn’t lose your progress, this is a thought trap that isn’t grounded in reality, eventually the flares end and we return to baseline or we see improvement. Progress is only erased if we throw everything we’ve learned out the window and just embrace doom and dysfunction. And even then we can always crawl out of that hole.

I think the goal should be to change the attitude towards flares, and eventually even if they are intense to not instantly reach for meds. If we take meds instantly in panic and desperation it’s sending a confusing message to the brain. It was a process for me to not use meds for my stomach and topical lidocaine for scrotal pain and then muscle relaxants for my jaw. Yes it’s scary to face flares without meds, but those are important times where can really make massive progress and strengthen our foundation and belief in ourselves.

agree with others regarding not using meditation to get out of pain. You should really meditate at set times and try and stick with a schedule. If you’re in deep pain and panic it’s just going to be kinda impossible to meditate and not just fixate on the shittiness. I think soothing activities are better when you’re having a moment like this, things like box breathing, heat pads, watching a favorite show or movie, a video game, book etc.

it’s great your next few months will be a little more relaxed. What you’re dealing with on top of family stuff is a lot, give yourself some grace. Things will get better.

 

[BloodMoon]

@Joulegirl I'm so sorry you're have such a really difficult time.

Breathing... lengthening the out breaths, that's what got me through some overwhelmingly debilitating symptom flares and enabled me to abandon pain meds. (I was on prescription opioids as when I tried anti-depressants/anti anxiety meds I couldn't stand the side effects, and with the opioids, I ended up coming off those too because of the constipation.) Every moment I could I put my attention on slowing down my breathing I took, and whenever I had the chance to lie down I 'breathed into' the pain and other discomfort, like this...

1. Place attention gently on/around the pain/discomfort (like shining a soft spotlight)
2. Breathe into it—that is, inhale slowly so your belly expands, imagining breath flowing to/around the pain
3. Exhale fully—lengthen the out-breath to release tension around the area

It helps because it shifts the nervous symptom - to the parasympathetic "rest/digest" response, reducing pain signal amplification.

A favourite breathing practice of mine is what I call 'straw breathing': you imagine your breath travelling as a flowing stream down through your body to your feet, then circling back up and out through your nose (as if your body is a straw or conduit)...

• Inhale slowly through nose—visualize breath as light/energy flowing from nostrils, down throat → chest → belly → legs → feet
• Hold briefly (2-3 seconds)—feel it pool/warm at feet
• Exhale slowly through nose—imagine breath gathers from feet, rises up legs → torso → out nostrils

Repeat 5-10 cycles, keeping awareness on the full-body pathway

It's powerful for TMS/Mind-Body because:

• Sending the breath to the feet grounds hyper-vigilance
• Creates a "whole body" freedom sensation vs fragmented pain focus
• Shows safety: the brain registers "I can breathe fully through pain, so I'm safe"
• Vagal nerve stimulation: Slow nasal breathing + visualisation = double calming effect

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

It's not about "I will do X to achieve a future result of Y". That is "doing" and to me meditation is about "not doing". I know it sounds like splitting hairs, but for me it is a valid difference.

Huge difference to me and goes to the root of meditation

Progress is only erased if we throw everything we’ve learned out the window and just embrace doom and dysfunction. And even then we can always crawl out of that hole.

Agreed - and once you know about TMS and how it works you're 90% of the way there (even if it doesn't feel like it - you can't lose the knowledge).

You should really meditate at set times and try and stick with a schedule.

That's what I thought too. If you're meditating in reaction to the flare consistently then it's going to be a hard sell to your brain that you're doing it for it's correct purpose, as opposed to using it in the hope that it melts the pain away.

I think we discussed this in another post @Joulegirl but is the panic driven (at least in part) by fear that there's a structural problem still? When it comes on, is that where your brain is going to? That would make sense to me as to why it's more difficult to resist medication (I'm not making a judgment as to whether medication is right or wrong - I think @Ellen was spot on and I actually think that's the majority view in the community on medication). I know that if it was me, it would be a lot harder to stay away from medication if I was still majorly doubting the TMS diagnosis, as part of me would feel it risky to avoid the medication just in case there's something to really address. We do need to know your answer to @Rabscuttle's question though about what type of meds they are and what they purport to do, as that will determine whether my question is relevant

 

[Joulegirl]

Two things have stood out to me 1) are you using the meditations to "fix" - you seem to still be reactive and get into spirals easily. Sometimes we use things like mediation as medication - fixes. Just something to observe, in case you find there's habit there.

I was using the meditations to just calm down more than thinking my symptoms would resolve. When I get in my spiral, my breath is fast and the anxiety is everywhere in my body. It may came across that I thought it might solve my problem but I wasn't thinking that in the moment. I was just trying to stay calm so we could finish out the night with my daughter and not feel like I ruined it with my pain. She was completely understanding. It was just amazing that once I worked on just calming myself down, I felt better. Not out of pain, but just better.

I've started using meditations around last week. I had stopped doing it and now I'm working my way up to 30 minutes so I can have a spot in my day to be calm.

 

[Joulegirl]

What meds do you take for the stomach issues?

I take imipramine for IBS. It slows down the digestion track and stop the cramps. I also take dicyclomine which is just a stomach medicine that helps stops the IBS pain and cramping.

If we take meds instantly in panic and desperation it’s sending a confusing message to the brain.

This hit me hard when I was writing the post. I'm not doing myself any favors by popping medication with I have a flare. I don't know how to break it that cycle because I will have to gradually taper (imipramine) and that is scary to me. Dicyclomine can be stopped at anytime-there is no withdrawal effects.

You should really meditate at set times and try and stick with a schedule.

I've been using 8pm as my time to meditate. I've got myself a schedule and instead of watch TV or reading a book, I taken this 1/2 hour for me.

I think the goal should be to change the attitude towards flares

Yes absolutely. I'm working on it. The last round had such intense pain I couldn't stop the spiral right away and that was scary to me. Which feed my fear cycle even more.

I think we discussed this in another post @Joulegirl but is the panic driven (at least in part) by fear that there's a structural problem still?

This is a great question to come back to. You asked me last time, I said no. But when it flares up, I must still think something is really wrong with me. I don't know if I think it is structural. I have all the evidence that shows I am fine from the medical tests. I can look at my evidence list and see times where I had no stomach pain with rounds of journaling when I first started. I think even with my evidence list, I still have low confidence it is TMS because it is so strong and I still worry if what I ate or drank could affect the pain levels. I thought that for a whole year before I found this website.

Progress is only erased if we throw everything we’ve learned out the window and just embrace doom and dysfunction.

I'm definitely not giving up. I just feel extremely stuck.

 

[Joulegirl]

Breathing... lengthening the out breaths, that's what got me through some overwhelmingly debilitating symptom flares and enabled me to abandon pain meds.

You are the guru of breathing and slowing down! I love the idea of the straw breathing where I'm imagining it going through my whole body. I've printed that out and put in my notebook.

I keep thinking that you went bedbound and are not anymore....surely I can do this too!

 

[BloodMoon]

Glad you like the straw breathing and that you’ll be trying it.

I keep thinking that you went bedbound and are not anymore....surely I can do this too!

Yes, indeed you can!

I’m so scared of these symptoms and do not want to be couch-bound.

I wonder if the fear of becoming couch- or bed-bound is actually a big part of what’s keeping this going.

Things shifted for me when I became bed-bound. I’d hit a kind of rock bottom and couldn’t carry on as I had been. It meant I had to start doing things differently — baby steps, self-soothing, breathing techniques, delegating tasks, and reducing my perfectionism. I didn't know it then, but, of course, because the symptoms were mind-body/TMS, being bed-bound was temporary, and that is something I've always tried to remember when I've had flares that have scared me (the disabling aspect was actually more scary to me than the pain itself).

When I was bed-bound there was no more waiting for the right time to look after myself — like when life got quieter or external things changed. In a way, my brain forced me to finally pay attention to myself.

There’s rarely a right time to prioritise yourself — life just keeps throwing things at us. One hurdle passes and another shows up.

The meditation and straw breathing will really help with that, and I also think it’s important to go easy on yourself more generally.

 

[Rusty Red]

I will not under any circumstances give up my stomach meds. Esophageal issues are very real for me, I have both acid and bile reflux. Maybe I would be okay using TMS practices if I tried to go off my meds, but GERD scares me too much with what it can do.

Just saying this to let you know you're not alone in holding on to meds in some cases. Now my Lyrica, I'm weaning off, and that it is its own kind of hell.

 

[feduccini]

Progress is only erased if we throw everything we’ve learned out the window and just embrace doom and dysfunction.

I guess even then you'd not lose it, since synapses don't go away that easy (unless you suffer a stroke or brain trauma). It's just a matter of reactivation.

 

[Joulegirl]

I wonder if the fear of becoming couch- or bed-bound is actually a big part of what’s keeping this going.

Very possible. I feel like I need to think and journal on this.

Just saying this to let you know you're not alone in holding on to meds in some cases.

Yes-stomach issues can be debilitating whether it is TMS or not. I totally get why you feel that way about your meds. It would be very scare for me to quit them at this point.

It's just a matter of reactivation.

Yeah, and just being intentional on your thoughts during a flare. You have to stop the spiraling while it starts. It's much harder after you have been ruminating for a while.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

there was no more waiting for the right time to look after myself — like when life got quieter or external things changed. ...
There’s rarely a right time to prioritise yourself — life just keeps throwing things at us. One hurdle passes and another shows up.

Indeed - this is a trap that I myself too easily fall into - living for a future that realistically will not materialize, certainly not in accordance with expectations. Which is why mindfulness exercises are focused on now, because how we respond right now is the only thing in this life that we can realistically influence and change.

Just writing this brought the Serenity Prayer to my thoughts. It may be one of the best reminders for the concept of being mindful of now that there is.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

But when it flares up, I must still think something is really wrong with me. I don't know if I think it is structural. I have all the evidence that shows I am fine from the medical tests. I can look at my evidence list and see times where I had no stomach pain with rounds of journaling when I first started. I think even with my evidence list, I still have low confidence it is TMS because it is so strong and I still worry if what I ate or drank could affect the pain levels.

This is the key to me - your low confidence in the TMS diagnosis is what's holding you back. As Dr Sarno has stated (paraphrasing), TMS can produce an intensity of symptoms so great that nothing structural/in clinical medicine can match it. In other words, there's no correlation between symptom intensity and it not being TMS (in fact, it's likely, if anything, the opposite - especially when all your tests are clear).

There are two main fear fuel sources for the pain, which are playing a part (how much of each only you can answer that) in preventing you from coming off the medication (which it seems is what your instincts are telling you do - if not right away then gradually).

1. Fear of a structural issue (doubt in the TMS diagnosis).

Not only do we need to consciously believe that it's TMS (relying on our evidence), but we also need to align our behaviours with this diagnosis, which eventually yes will mean coming off the medication. Some may disagree (and I could make the argument the other way also as to why there isn't a difference), but I do think there's a difference between taking antidepressants and general pain medication vs specific stomach medication that targets the digestive tract. I can elaborate on that further, but before you think I'm saying to rip the band-aid off and come off of it, these things happen naturally taking into account your belief in the TMS diagnosis (the higher your belief, the more courage you'll have with it). As such, I would look at doing the following as it relates to number 1 if I were you:

a) Really review my evidence list and test its strength. Is it genuinely strong and in large parts complete, or is there something (a test I haven't done, a situation that happened that's making me think it's structural) that I can do/review to bolster my belief? Evidence does grow over time and as you go through the progress that's true, but at times of stagnation you need to be honest with yourself as to whether or not what you have is sufficient to move forward from where you currently are (the answer is usually yes).

b) So, depending on the answer to a), either you have some work to do as it relates to your evidence, but say it is really good and you feel as if it's enough to go off of moving forward (there's nothing more you can really do and the evidence is really good), then you have to challenge yourself to be brave and begin to align your behaviours more with the TMS belief (such as moving naturally). The brain will only believe you if you prove it through your actions, otherwise you'll be sending it mixed messages (on the one hand I consciously believe it, but not enough to act accordingly). Now, if you're at this stage then you may need to take a risk, but number 2 could block you from doing so:

2. Fear of what the pain means - to life, relationships, work etc.

This is reflected I believe in what @BloodMoon said when she said that the disabling aspect was scarier than the pain itself (so more number 2 than number 1). It's clear in your situation too, as you can't afford to be bed bound given all of your responsibilities.

There’s rarely a right time to prioritise yourself — life just keeps throwing things at us. One hurdle passes and another shows up.

Spot on and working on this fear is all about self-compassion. The pain loses some of its power the less hard on yourself you are and the more you put yourself first. The self-pressure and the self-criticism that comes from doing it all for everyone means that the pain is that much more of a disaster. Can doing your best despite your current situation be enough more of the time? Pain does severely impact life and there's no getting around that (and you have responsibilities I understand), but our personality types make it 100x worse than it needs to be with all of the guilt and shame that comes from not being perfect. I appreciate what you said about once school being out things will calm down, so despite what BloodMoon said being absolutely true, that's probably a good time to start all of this (but start and never look back, despite what comes up going forward).

To summarise, here's what I'd look to do if I were you:

I) Really review my evidence list - how convincing it is to me? What I like to suggest is to re-write it with more emotion. When you get a flare you'll naturally be emotional, so you need emotion going the other way to counter it. Something like "I literally have had every test under the sun and they've found absolutely nothing!" is going to be a lot more powerful (especially in a flare) than "tests are all clear". I don't want you to exaggerate for the sake of it, you still need to believe it. If there's something that you can do to bolster your evidence list (as I said above), then by all means do it.

II) If the evidence is really strong (and you buy into it), then you'll naturally be drawn to aligning your behaviours with it. Coming off of medication is a not-insignificant thing (and something that should be done in coordination with a doctor), so perhaps start smaller than that. For example (this may apply, or it may not, but just to get you thinking with an example) if a trigger is going to the bathroom, then you can commit to catching yourself in that moment when the urge to go first arises and the panic begins, and say, reviewing your evidence list in the process, "no, we know what this is, it may hurt but I'm truly ok, let's go as normal and not hesitate this time". You're getting back the natural pattern of when I need to go, I go without hesitation (the brain will respond to this and go "oh, she isn't hesitating anymore, perhaps we are truly ok and I can turn pain off"). Again, your belief in the TMS diagnosis will for the most part drive these behaviours, so whilst you may need to give yourself a little push and it may take a little discipline, you'll be motivated to do so by your belief (the amount of these corrective behaviours you engage in will rise with your belief). As I said though, this natural urge to correct behaviours can be stifled by the fear of the consequences of the pain, as even if you want to correct them and your belief is pushing you to do so, you're fearful of how the pain will impact life in the here and now (is it worth it in the short term, the pain and how it impacts life, to correct these? That's the question and that's what we are trying to address in the next point. It definitely is to recovery in the long term).

III) Cut yourself some slack. I think we have discussed this in another thread, but looking back all that I really care about is that my parents made an effort. I know that my mum did despite her herself having chronic symptoms and pain, so it didn't matter that she had to miss sometimes because of that, I more than understood (there may have been disappointment in the moment, but there's no trauma - just happiness that she supported me overall). I say this because it could mean that instead of being bed bound meaning that I failed my daughter and I'm a terrible mum and all the guilt and shame that comes with that (I'm not saying that's how you feel, just to use the extreme), instead it just means it's a real shame I missed that certain day and I'm disappointed, but there's always next time and she knows I try my best to be there for her - notice the difference in fear and in turn the difference in the meaning that the pain is given? Not only will that reduce fear, but because fear is the fuel for pain then having the second mindset makes it a lot less likely that you'll be bed bound in the first place. The bigger point though is because it means less fear, you're more indifferent to the pain and if you were to be bed bound for half a day for example, it's not as big of a deal (I appreciate that this might not be practical, even after these two weeks, but just as an example), so you're now in a position to take more risks (like coming off of the medication - it's not really a true risk as assuming TMS there's nothing wrong, but you know what I mean) with what you do because the consequences aren't as catastrophic (short term pain for long term gain - in theory, it may not be as painful as you think in the short term and fear may be dictating your expectations).

Extra short summary: If your belief in the TMS diagnosis rises (so you're not scared that there's something wrong, despite the pain intensity) and you begin to put less pressure on yourself (which means that the pain loses some of its meaning), then the decision to come off of medication (in alignment with a doctor) will be a lot easier and almost natural

 

[BloodMoon]

I appreciate what you said about once school being out things will calm down, so despite what BloodMoon said being absolutely true, that's probably a good time to start all of this (but start and never look back, despite what comes up going forward).

Yep, that's really good advice imo, @Joulegirl. The main thing is choosing a point from which you never look back — maybe think of it as a 'launch pad'. That point was forced on me when I became bed-bound, and from my 'sick'bed I one day decided to peel carrots for dinner — and I never looked back, despite what came up in my life.

I'm wondering whether in your case it might help your recovery to explore not doing — starting in tiny baby-step ways — so your TMS brain can gently learn that perfection isn't necessary, and that it's okay and actually 'safe' not to live up to every standard you've set for yourself, or that others/society have set for you.

I noticed with my own recovery that my brain made my gut 'rebel' (by creating symptoms) against the tyranny of slogging away trying to keep up those high standards (because I didn't actually underneath it all want to do it, albeit I wanted the results, so essentially my brain was at war with itself) — maybe something similar is at play for you?

Something to remember regarding belief: PubMed has hundreds of studies on "brain-gut axis IBS" showing no structural damage (normal scopes/biopsies), but altered brain activity and stress responses — proving mind-body over physical.

 

[Joulegirl]

Thank you @Adam Coloretti (coach) for your in-depth reply. I saw your post last night in the midst of my insomnia and pain. It immediately made me cry-but in a good way. You saw what I could not see-my belief is so low that these symptoms are TMS. My belief was much higher when I first started the TMS work (SEP). But somewhere along the way, I lost confidence that these symptoms could be TMS too and instead am stuck in a pain/symptom cycle with medication.

• As I did the work last year, I was able to see results on other symptoms. And my evidence lists grew. I never grew my evidence list for my IBS symptoms beyond the first impressions of why I thought it was TMS. But I’ve had proof that the other symptoms were TMS.

• I’ve lowered my nerve pain medicine and the pain didn’t come back or it comes back briefly with no significant concern. Once I knew my nerve pain could be TMS, it made more sense to me than if my nerves acted up with no injury.

• I went to the chiropractor for my chronic back pain and it didn’t help. Instead, I popped an ibuprofen and the pain went away in 5 mins which is impossible for it to work that fast. That was the last time I was ever concerned with back pain again.

Anytime I take a leap of faith that I think my IBS is TMS is when the pain gets worse.

My original IBS TMS evidence was this:

• Doctors literally couldn't find anything wrong after multiple blood tests, 3 CT scans, endoscopy, and colonoscopy. Any elimination diets didn’t help long term and made me feel much smaller and helpless. The gastro doctor told me there is nothing more he could do for me except give me some prescriptions and I will have a follow up colonoscopy in 3 years.
  
  
• Sensations move around the abdomen in location and intensity.
  
  
• Sensations can be symmetrical which is really weird for abdominal pain. Usually you have one location that hurts-not pain that can mirror each other.
  
  
• When I was at Top Golf, I got an imperative symptom and my original IBS sensations went away for a bit! It was so amazing to witness the change in symptoms even though the pain was not reduced.
  
  
• My symptom imperatives took turns with the IBS symptoms. For example, if I had nerve pain, then I didn’t have IBS pain. If I had bad insomnia, then I didn’t have back pain. They took turns with each other-never at the same time.
  

I don’t have any updated evidence for IBS but I am assuming that is ok. But I think that is why I’m heavily leaning on the fear-pain-medication cycle instead.


I went back to my old posts here just to see and my overall theme is complete fear of the IBS symptoms and wanting to desperately be off medication but everytime I try, I make the symptoms feel worse. (maybe that can go on my IBS/TMS evidence list?)


Not going to lie-that made me very sad to see this fear hang on since 2024 with some brief respites.


This kind of goes back to my “now what” post. Which is to go back to meditation so I’m not doing anything. I’m going to journal too, just because I think I need to feel some emotions that arose from this thread.


Thank you for bringing attention to my fear that was right under my nose. This has literally opened up a whole host of feelings and concerns I need to navigate.

 

[Joulegirl]

@BloodMoon -I think you are right about the “not doing.” I know I can start by using meditation to sit still and just be. I’ll definitely be journaling because I am in my feels right now and just the thought of starting this as my “launch pad” does scare me. This is my rock bottom. I do feel angry at the doctor who gave me the prescriptions and sent me on my way and didn’t want to see me until the next colonoscopy. In 2024, I was glad to have the meds but now I can see that it didn’t help me in the long term at all. If anything, it caused more confusion for me while I was trying to do the TMS work

 

[BloodMoon]

I do feel angry at the doctor who gave me the prescriptions and sent me on my way and didn’t want to see me until the next colonoscopy. In 2024, I was glad to have the meds but now I can see that it didn’t help me in the long term at all.

No consolation I know, but you’re not alone — that’s pretty much what they do. I was packed off with prescriptions for painkillers and peppermint capsules for my IBS and fibromyalgia. It makes sense that you feel angry. If journaling about it doesn't help, perhaps write an unsent letter to that doctor.

I think “launch pad” was the wrong analogy for me to use, because you’ll be doing things gradually. It really helps to make things less daunting when you start linking small, enjoyable things to your body, which in turn will show your brain you’re safe. Perhaps ask yourself if there is anything you’d love to do — or do for yourself — that you’ve never quite got around to, and take steps towards it. I couldn’t do anything other than gently wave my arms about a bit to music at first, but for me it was dancing. I now dance (badly!) in my living room every day, and it’s become a little mind–body ritual for me.