Frequent Flares-medicine holding me back?

I was doing so much better but in the last month or so, I've had frequent flares. I feel like I went backwards and erased any progress I had main. The last three weeks, I have ended up on the couch at some point and I couldn't do much at all. It scared me.

I was having a particularly bad day last Friday/Saturday. I had to travel to my daughters dance comp and my pain level was 20/10. My stomach meds didn't even touch it. I ended up taking more of my other med, which is an TAC antidepressant to help with pain. Antidepressants don't work fast to stop chronic pain, but I was desperate. I got into a bigger anxiety spiral because I've never had that happen before that the stomach medicine didn't at least take the edge off the pain. I spiraled from Friday night til about Saturday afternoon. By Saturday afternoon, we headed to the hotel and I went to bed. I couldn't sleep because of the pain but I knew I could meditate. I tried Curable meditation and I didn't calm down. So I just laid there and was breathing. Then I went to youtube to find another meditation that might work for me while I was suffering. I found Tanner Mutagh's videos. On my first page a meditation/somatic practice popped up and I did it. I did calm down and my pain seemed to calm down too. But I wondered if it was a coincidence because I took a little more of the antidepressant the night before, or if laying in bed resting, deep breathing, and using guided meditation helped.

Side note: I've done that in the past to take more of the antidepressant. It's almost like my brain recognizes it's some kind of medicine and will just fix the pain the next day even though in reality it can take up to a week to show signs of improvement. I don’t think antidepressants can improve the pain in less than 24 hours. Last year, I ended up trying to stay on the higher dose, but after two weeks on the higher dose the pain came back. Anytime I do increase medicine, it will help me get out of the urgent pain, but it never fixes the problem long term. This is how I know it has to be TMS because it did the same thing when I had nerve pain, and I had to have the doctor increase my nerve pain meds. They kept saying how a flare could break through, but it shouldn’t override the entire pain medicine where I need a higher dose every couple of months.

I know we aren’t doctors here, but I find it weird that I have two TMS conditions and both overrode medicines at some point where I thought I needed more medicine. What do I do now? I am petrified that I’m going to be on the couch again doubled over in pain. I can’t do that-I have way too much going on at work and in my personal life to be stuck on the couch. I have been using Curable every day for their daily guidance which includes brain retraining and sometimes writing. I also have been using Curable to meditate, but after rediscovering Tanner Mutagh’s videos I’ve been doing his meditations and somatic practices for 30 mins a day. Usually it is calming, but last night after doing it, I had more pain and I had a hard time going to sleep last night. I ended up taking more medicine and once I did that, my brain calmed down and was able to fall asleep really fast. Suspiciously fast since one medicine does take about an 45 minutes to an hour to kick in.

I think having medication to fall back on is holding me back from real TMS healing with these stomach symptoms. When a big flare pops up, I run to the medication to save me since I’m so scared of these symptoms and do not want to be couch-bound. How do I even transition to relying on myself knowing it is TMS when my reaction to them is very strong?

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I've been there and know it is a version of hell.

People in the TMS community have differing views about meds. My feeling is that if it helps, use it. Just be clear that you're not solving a physical problem with it if what you have is TMS. But the placebo effect is very real and can get you through some bad times. At least that was how it worked for me. As you note, unfortunately the placebo effect doesn't last for a long time. Eventually your brain catches on and overrides it.

Meditation is a good tool for calming down your thoughts and nervous system. But if you use it with your eye on the end result (lower pain) then, in my opinion, it won't work very well. I use mindfulness meditation and it is all about surrendering to the present moment without judgement. It's not about "I will do X to achieve a future result of Y". That is "doing" and to me meditation is about "not doing". I know it sounds like splitting hairs, but for me it is a valid difference.

It sounds to me like you need to "just be" sometimes. Take a break from all the stressful busyness of your life. I know it's easier said than done when you are a busy parent. But I think if you could carve out some "me time" like taking a relaxing bath or listening to music it would be very therapeutic. Self soothing as Sarno referred to it. Your TMS may be about trying to get you to slow down.

 

Using medicine to help heal has always been ok in my book too. Until this weekend when I realized I was using it to "solve" my pain problem. This may explain why I have felt much better over the course of this past year, but still dealing with some issues.

Thank you for clarifying this. When I've been meditating, my goal is to just calm myself and bring myself back into the moment. So that is my goal is to be in the present again and to be in my body. But I can see how I could easily slip in the goal of doing meditation so I feel better in my symptoms.

The next two weeks are busier (hs graduation and end of the school year), but once school is out things will really calm down. It's really calmed down from how it was from last May with my kids activities-so I am heading in the right direction of not being so busy. With my daughter dropping school dance team, we both are loving the extra free time!

Curable had a writing activity about self care and when I could find time for me. It was a wonderful activity that helped me see I have time in my day to relax even when things do get a bit busier.

 

Two things have stood out to me 1) are you using the meditations to "fix" - you seem to still be reactive and get into spirals easily. Sometimes we use things like mediation as medication - fixes. Just something to observe, in case you find there's habit there.

"I have too much going on at work and in my personal life". How does it make you feel to always have a lot on your plate and only a little time for you?

 

What meds do you take for the stomach issues?

you didn’t lose your progress, this is a thought trap that isn’t grounded in reality, eventually the flares end and we return to baseline or we see improvement. Progress is only erased if we throw everything we’ve learned out the window and just embrace doom and dysfunction. And even then we can always crawl out of that hole.

I think the goal should be to change the attitude towards flares, and eventually even if they are intense to not instantly reach for meds. If we take meds instantly in panic and desperation it’s sending a confusing message to the brain. It was a process for me to not use meds for my stomach and topical lidocaine for scrotal pain and then muscle relaxants for my jaw. Yes it’s scary to face flares without meds, but those are important times where can really make massive progress and strengthen our foundation and belief in ourselves.

agree with others regarding not using meditation to get out of pain. You should really meditate at set times and try and stick with a schedule. If you’re in deep pain and panic it’s just going to be kinda impossible to meditate and not just fixate on the shittiness. I think soothing activities are better when you’re having a moment like this, things like box breathing, heat pads, watching a favorite show or movie, a video game, book etc.

it’s great your next few months will be a little more relaxed. What you’re dealing with on top of family stuff is a lot, give yourself some grace. Things will get better.

 

@Joulegirl I'm so sorry you're have such a really difficult time.

Breathing... lengthening the out breaths, that's what got me through some overwhelmingly debilitating symptom flares and enabled me to abandon pain meds. (I was on prescription opioids as when I tried anti-depressants/anti anxiety meds I couldn't stand the side effects, and with the opioids, I ended up coming off those too because of the constipation.) Every moment I could I put my attention on slowing down my breathing I took, and whenever I had the chance to lie down I 'breathed into' the pain and other discomfort, like this...

1. Place attention gently on/around the pain/discomfort (like shining a soft spotlight)
   
2. Breathe into it—that is, inhale slowly so your belly expands, imagining breath flowing to/around the pain
   
3. Exhale fully—lengthen the out-breath to release tension around the area

It helps because it shifts the nervous symptom - to the parasympathetic "rest/digest" response, reducing pain signal amplification.

A favourite breathing practice of mine is what I call 'straw breathing': you imagine your breath travelling as a flowing stream down through your body to your feet, then circling back up and out through your nose (as if your body is a straw or conduit)...

1. Inhale slowly through nose—visualize breath as light/energy flowing from nostrils, down throat → chest → belly → legs → feet
   
   
2. Hold briefly (2-3 seconds)—feel it pool/warm at feet
   
   
3. Exhale slowly through nose—imagine breath gathers from feet, rises up legs → torso → out nostrils
   
   
4. Repeat 5-10 cycles, keeping awareness on the full-body pathway

It's powerful for TMS/Mind-Body because:

• Sending the breath to the feet grounds hyper-vigilance
  
  
• Creates "whole body" sensation vs fragmented pain focus
  
  
• Shows safety: the brain registers "I can breathe fully through pain, so I'm safe"
  
  
• Vagal nerve stimulation: Slow nasal breathing + visualisation = double calming effect