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First post where to start?

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by LaRubia, Jul 13, 2021.

  1. LaRubia

    LaRubia Peer Supporter

    I’ve read and searched the forums for a while now. Finally posting about myself. I’ve worked with a TMS coach, TMS therapist and when I do I feel better with some relief. I’ve read Sarno’s books and currently reading The Great Pain Deception.
    I see myself in Sarno’s books and in Steve’s book. I am currently reading the great pain deception. He’s hysterical and so I find joy reading his book. I recognize within me the hidden rage, anger and frustration. Oh I also listen to Dan Buglio on YouTube pain free you. It calms me.

    I now realize the TMS started as a child. It wasn’t until 2016 when my oldest went to college that I noticed the symptoms. They smacked me in the face! I got tinnitus which at the time scared me. I went to and ENT Dr. and my hearing was fine. But I knew it was fine I could and can still hear great. I still have tinnitus.
    After that the list started to grow..
    Heart palpitations / irregular heartbeat
    Vision issues floaters etc
    Pain in my back (stiffness) briefly
    Tingling in face, legs, hands
    Twitching in right eye, right hand.
    Pain in gallbladder area checked out fine
    Neck pain
    Ear fullness
    Sore throat for months
    Ear popping
    White coat/bp
    Ice cold feet that was a weird one. Sat on the beach in summer with freezing feet.

    I’m sure I’m missing something but currently it’s right eye twitch. Started the day after I took my youngest to find a college apartment. She moves out in sept. This started in may. Comes and goes. Hand will twitch too from time to time. It seems like there is a daily distraction. I’ve noticed intense pain leave after months and a new symptom pops up the next day.

    What am I missing?

    I try to walk daily 2-5 miles, do projects to stay busy. Even today I did yard work and I came inside with my right hand slightly twitching and weak. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. I am annoyed. I don’t like the daily symptoms and it at times makes me doubt. So I go to the dr. And they report all looks ok. The only thing off is every now and then elevated white blood count. When I go back in to check it’s back in range! Can TMS cause that too?
    Thank you in advance to anyone willing to leave input.
  2. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    Your whole list is anxiety in a nutshell. I've had a few of the same "conditions" as you, including the twitchy right eye which I have currently and for the last 6 weeks LOL! I thin my thyroid is ok (you should have that checked) so I just chalk it up to stress and anxiety and don't worry about it. Super annoying though, I know!
    LaRubia likes this.
  3. LaRubia

    LaRubia Peer Supporter

    Thank you for responding. I wasn’t sure anyone would see this. I tend to have my thyroid numbers out of wack from time to time. But supplements get it back. I’ll test that again just to make sure. It’s annoying right?! I truly appreciate the feedback.
    miffybunny likes this.
  4. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    It's amazing the array of symptoms our brains can produce. I've had many on your list, including the twitching. Most of us have a very long list, but I think Steve Ozanich beats us all.

    You're in the right place and I look forward to hearing more about your TMS recovery journey.
    LaRubia likes this.
  5. LaRubia

    LaRubia Peer Supporter

    Ellen thank you! It it wild. It helps in an odd way to hear you have had many of the same symptoms. I know this can’t last.
  6. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    It was a while ago now, but when my sons grew up and no longer needed me I went through severe 'purpose shock'. I had a whole lot of my identity tied up in being a father and the daily tasks and interaction. When it was removed, I was probably in one of those unconscious unacceptable rages that never make it to the surface, and I had a wave of small Mindbody stuff .

    Over the years I have had most of your list there, with a few variations.
    Digesting the text of Sarno's work and slowly coming to the realization that all of the list is only there to distract you from the unconscious unacceptable feelings. It's great that you stay active, but if you turned your focus to Your role as parent (which was the trigger) and all of the other area's of your life that are 'fine' but in actuality cause a build up of repressed anger and such, the symptoms won't be able to hold your attention anymore...and they will stop.
    Rinkey, LaRubia and MWsunin12 like this.
  7. LaRubia

    LaRubia Peer Supporter

    Thank you! This makes sense. I am angry. So if I just feel the emotions the pain can’t hold my attention? I vent the anger to a friend and vice versa.
  8. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    The most important part therapeutically is having these 'brain storms' and even encouraging them WHILE I am having symptoms. That sends the message to the unconscious that I know what it is doing and disables the whole circuit.

    I am sure venting As we discover newer, deeper understanding of ourselves is important, but the turning of our attention to that process during an episode of pain is the crucial change, or at least it was for me... I got pain free in a matter of weeks.

    The simple awareness that I am not fully aware is oftentimes the best therapy. I know that might sound sort of silly, but it's true. Or has been for 22 years or so.
    LaRubia likes this.
  9. LaRubia

    LaRubia Peer Supporter

    Ok I think a lot of the problem is unconscious because at some level what you are saying makes sense and on another I’m lost. Please bare with me here I’m trying to follow but it almost feels like the brain is battling me when reading this info.
    When you mention “brain storms” can you explain what that is exactly. Is this similar to somatic tracking in the idea that I know what’s happening and it disengages the fear in a way?
    Somehow I missed what you said earlier about your child going to college. It hit me and made so much sense. It was very helpful. I know at some level that’s the problem but I don’t at the same time. It’s weird. This is all I’ve ever done was be a mom to my children. They are adults and I feel lost. My husband wants me to work now. But that makes me angry now too. I feel like I’m about to have more responsibility than ever. A new job, no skills, but still all the house duties on top of it. Sorry my thoughts are scattered but this is just how it’s all bubbling up.
  10. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    That word has taken on a positive connotation in modern language...like "sitting around and coming up with great idea's" BUT the original definition (as recently as the 1930's) was a negative, angry cycle of thought. E.g. "I can't believe that new person at my work is getting all of that attention.... I am always doing more work but getting no accolades... I bet I get fired...Oh shit! what will I do if I get fired?... They're probably all going to take credit for my work....F-them, I ought to quit before I get fired" etc.etc.etc .

    We tend to do it when we are extraordinarily unconscious. It oftentimes goes on without our permission. A lot of modern Pop psychology/positive thinking crap encourages us to pretend it's not there or shout it down. Since I read Sarno, I embrace it. Listen to it and let it run it's course. I actually don't try and share it, as it tends to drive most people away (which is why we repress it)

    Regarding my kids, the 'Brain Storm' would have been something like "I can't believe your leaving me... I turned down a record contract to stay home and be a good father and now your abandoning me? I guess I am going to get old and die alone. That's pretty much what life is about. I ought to go score some dope and obliterate my consciousness because all of this sentimental family bullshit is just that, sentimental Bullshit. You're gonna find out soon enough son, when your wife leaves you and your day job sucks....might as well learn it now....oh yeah, find your own way to college because I am going to buy a van and sleep on the beach for the rest of my life"

    I had pain to keep me from hearing that. I got rid of my symptoms by finding out that the idea's are all there in my head and I tend to avoid them. It doesn't matter But I think we avoid them because secretly we fear we might ACT on them by allowing them to be there. That isn't true.

    I have no idea what 'somatic tracking '. That is some other TMS doctors' contribution . People are constantly trying to 'better' Sarno's work and I am a fundamentalist. I'll stick with the old Guy.

    I did not welcome the pain. I did not just allow it to be. I fought it tooth and nail by embracing all of those dark and cynical and selfish idea's that were at the periphery of my awareness , and also by hunting down new ones. ...and Most importantly, realizing that everything I was finding was only a fraction of what terrors were probably down there.
    This is great. This is the path of wisdom. Just acknowledging all of these.... what else is underneath them? The next time you catch yourself paying attention to the symptoms, pay attention to this! Or other things that might be less than perfect.

    When I found Sarno I was working in a career I did not pick. I was playing middle class/little league coaching 'good guy' even though I had been a pirate my whole previous existence up to that point. My marriage was based on external materialism and I was NOT doing what I wanted to do....but I had NO IDEA about any of them. As they bubbled to the surface with a lot of introspection, the symptoms couldn't distract me anymore and they went away.
    LaRubia likes this.
  11. LaRubia

    LaRubia Peer Supporter

    Wow!!! You have helped me understand in a deeper level. Thank you. How you described your son going to college or the chatter in the mind is literally my mind all day. Thank you for taking the time to explain this to me. It really has given me something to think about. I’m going to focus on this for the coming week. Thank you.
    Baseball65 likes this.
  12. rickm

    rickm New Member

    How do you perform these brainstorms? Out loud, or journal style, etc?
  13. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Both. Usually the types of scenarios that trigger symptoms in me are preceded by some conscious anger. That is when I go and sit down and write. I use the 4th step format from the 12 step program. It has all of the good questions.... it actually guides me towards the anger and resentment rather than away from it.

    Occasionally if I have a something out of nowhere , I will go into my car and literally 'review out loud' to myself . I have arrested a lot of attacks that way. I am sure I look like a psycho to people in other cars, but nowadays with bluetooth, maybe not as much as I did in '99 (LOL)

    But sitting down and writing quietly,even when I am stuck, has probably been more productive over the course of 20something years of being painfree. Every now and then when I am really baffled I will call one of my friends who understands this deal and that helps too....rage inducers are like a pimple on my nose...everybody can see it except for me.
    LaRubia likes this.
  14. rickm

    rickm New Member

    Okay thanks. I am wondering what is the 12 step programme. Maybe I don't know because I am not from the US
  15. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    The 12 step program is the long name for 'Alcoholics Anonymous' . The 4th step is a resentment /fear and sex inventory.

    You can google it and even find work sheets, though I usually just write it out in a folder. http://www.bigbookrecovery.com/index.php/step-four (Big Book Recovery - Step Four)

    TMSers might find this interesting. I did NOT have TMS until I STOPPED doing these inventories. I got sober the first time in my early twenties and was in a hardcore 12 step group. After I had been sober a minute, I felt that most of my anger and resentments were 'boring' and 'redundant' so I stopped writing inventory. Period.

    When I read "Healing Back Pain" and learned that repressed rage was at the core of pain as well as alcoholism, I started writing again with renewed vigor and got pain free in about 3 weeks after a year and half of being in pain round the clock...back at my heavy labor job in 5 weeks... zero restrictions, to this day.
    Aimee88 and LaRubia like this.
  16. deny

    deny Peer Supporter

    Hi, How is your ear fullness and popping now?

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