I am recently diagnosed with TMS from one of the doctors recommended on this board. I fit the bill: mid-30's, high pressure job+family responsibilties, and years of migraine, gastro, and sciatica symptoms. Fortunately, I found Sarno about 4 weeks ago. I immediately started the SEP and Gordon programs, and got in to see the doc for the diagnosis. The doc thinks the tragic loss of a friend is the source of the recent flare up, which does seem to make sense, but after 4 weeks of journaling, meditation, and returning to physical activity, my symptoms continue to get worse. In fact, I've had 2 instances in 4 weeks where I was working out in the gym (returning to physical activity, right?), and my back "popped" following complete spasm and excruciating pain. I've also developed pain in my calf and foot for the first time ever in these 4 weeks. Same leg as the sciatica, but it seems like the pain is growing southward. I will admit that I have had a lot of fear about re-injury. Prior to Sarno, I was doing extensive yoga and core strengthening exercises focused on keeping my back strong. Perhaps slightly obsessive over it. Since reading Sarno, I've ceased all of that and now just do a regular workout routine along with walking and occasional biking. Regularly working out in the gym is my desired fitness goal and that's how I'd measure success of my treatment. Today I can barely do 2 or 3 exercises before the overwhelming pain and stiffness prevents me from continuing. The pain not only prevents me from working out the way I'd like, but I can't really play with my kids, and it's hard for me to really help out as much around the house. I feel like I am in pretty bad shape, but I usually just push through the pain and do the best I can. Since I am working the SEP and Gordon programs, I have journaled about my childhood, other current stressors, personality traits, etc, and I do find it helpful, but I am wondering if I am missing something. I don't have much from my childhood, as I had a pretty good situation. I am not a perfectionist or goodist as far as I can tell. I am not depressed, I don't think I judge myself, I don't have low self-esteem or self-guilt/hate. Looking at the TMS traits, I would say I am Legalist and Stoic. If I had to pinpoint my problem, it is lack of a target. I can't think of much other than the pain. When I meditate, I can make the pain the object of my meditation, and I get instant flare ups of excruciating pain. I return to the breath, and the pain quiets down. If I am working out, I think about the pain because it is so present. I know I'm supposed to "think psychologically", but I haven't found a good target to answer the question of "what is causing my tension?" Any tips on how to hone in on my sources of tension?