KyleChaquico
Newcomer
Feeling defeated
Hi everyone, I just recently joined this forum. My name is Kyle and I am 25 years old. I am very active, fit and healthy and not being able to use my body the way I want to has been extremely depressing and debilitating. Right now I feel defeated. I actually turn 25 in an hour but have chosen not to go out and celebrate because my sciatica is beyond overwhelming… so here I am writing this all out.
I am not new to TMS and Dr. Sarno’s brilliance. In fact I was bed ridden at 16 during high school from claimed bulging disks. I went through the common journey of literally trying everything. From physical therapists, weekly chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, reiki, reputable hand healers, prescription drugs, weekly massage, to yoga and cortisone shots. The list was all over the place, but that’s exactly how my life felt at the time. In short, I discovered Sarno’s book and as many others know, it was life changing. The Pain dissipated and I was able and free to do everything I wanted to again.
I became that guy that would buy pretty much buy any friend or distant friend Sarno’s book if I got wind that they had some kind of “TMS” like sounding symptom(s). The book not to my surprise circulated even into the most argued non-believers and birthed miraculous success. I bring this up because I want to contrast just how much of a believer I was at the time and how much I respected everything Sarno had taught.
Fast-forward a couple years and the pain came back. Sporadically of course, but always would dissipate sometimes in minutes or in some special cases it would take a couple days. I would occasionally have to reread the book or watch his lecture DVD (which is pretty much a vintage classic at this point) that always seemed to help with those stubborn relapses.
So here I am now….
It wasn’t until about 4 months ago that I started to have another episode. Which wasn’t a surprise because it had been almost 11 months since I had any kind of back pain. I Woke up one morning to find the faintest tingling sensation on the right side of my buttocks – as if it had fallen asleep on me while resting in an awkward position. Now something worth mentioning (and I am very aware how TMS can move through the body) but my back pain since the age of 16 when I was bed ridden was always, ALWAYS on my LEFT side. With that in mind, I didn’t immediately associate this new sensation as TMS, I more or less thought it was just sore or bruised. During this time in my life I was training in a lot in mixed martial arts, and weight lifting 5 times a week, also running almost every other day. So in my mind I thought perhaps my body was just overly sore and in need of a couple days to stretch and RR.
Well each couple of days the feeling would progress either in discomfort or lengthening in nerve pain position. It wasn’t until around week 3 where it was very difficult to sit or stand for more than 10 minutes without aching nerve pain that I had an epiphany that this must be TMS. I had just broke up with a GF of 4 years, started going back to school and was starting a more serious job that I realized it was subconscious stress, fear, sadness and rage projecting itself and manifesting pain within my body – TMS.
I had an overwhelming sense of relief knowing it was TMS and something I new exactly how to deal with. I wrote about my feelings and confessed a lot of deep seeded emotion onto paper. I started working out again, distancing the pain with the conclusion that it was only oxygen deprivation and that my subconscious was conditioned behaviorally to affect certain parts of my body at certain times, i.e sitting or bending at the waist.
Well the pain didn’t, and has not gone away. The sciatica has severely affected my entire right side from right lower back all the way to my heel and bottom foot. The pain (depending on how I am sitting, standing or walking) will either be deep aches, or electric fire shocks that make me question reality and almost forget where I am (laughing because that’s literally how much it sucks sometimes).
Like I said I am 4 months into this now. This reminds me of how I felt, except worse when I was 16. I feel helpless, depressed and dysfunctional. If it wasn’t for this pain I would be so content and happy with my life, everything else seems to be going well.
As of 3 days ago I have had to stop all activities (which is beyond devastating for me) and had to call into work (which is very physically active and enjoyable).
I had such horrible discomfort I ended up going to the ER to request an MRI – which was my bottom point because I never believed I would need to do that again always associating my previous TMS experience with the bulging disks I was diagnosed with at 16. I have even been taking Advil WHICH I NEVER DO just to take the edge off. My mind is all over the place… even in the darkest moments thinking about surgery (I know.. I know… ) but its that gratification of daydreaming of having the pain instantly fixed. I am not used to sciatica so it is an entirely new and severe pain.
I am not sure what to do here… I can’t sit longer than 10 minutes without having my sciatica act up and it distracting me from pretty much everything.
I feel very stuck and lost not sure where to go from here. Is there something I am missing???
Any and all comments would be helpful. I appreciate the time you took to read my post.
Thank you so much.
Kyle
Hi everyone, I just recently joined this forum. My name is Kyle and I am 25 years old. I am very active, fit and healthy and not being able to use my body the way I want to has been extremely depressing and debilitating. Right now I feel defeated. I actually turn 25 in an hour but have chosen not to go out and celebrate because my sciatica is beyond overwhelming… so here I am writing this all out.
I am not new to TMS and Dr. Sarno’s brilliance. In fact I was bed ridden at 16 during high school from claimed bulging disks. I went through the common journey of literally trying everything. From physical therapists, weekly chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, reiki, reputable hand healers, prescription drugs, weekly massage, to yoga and cortisone shots. The list was all over the place, but that’s exactly how my life felt at the time. In short, I discovered Sarno’s book and as many others know, it was life changing. The Pain dissipated and I was able and free to do everything I wanted to again.
I became that guy that would buy pretty much buy any friend or distant friend Sarno’s book if I got wind that they had some kind of “TMS” like sounding symptom(s). The book not to my surprise circulated even into the most argued non-believers and birthed miraculous success. I bring this up because I want to contrast just how much of a believer I was at the time and how much I respected everything Sarno had taught.
Fast-forward a couple years and the pain came back. Sporadically of course, but always would dissipate sometimes in minutes or in some special cases it would take a couple days. I would occasionally have to reread the book or watch his lecture DVD (which is pretty much a vintage classic at this point) that always seemed to help with those stubborn relapses.
So here I am now….
It wasn’t until about 4 months ago that I started to have another episode. Which wasn’t a surprise because it had been almost 11 months since I had any kind of back pain. I Woke up one morning to find the faintest tingling sensation on the right side of my buttocks – as if it had fallen asleep on me while resting in an awkward position. Now something worth mentioning (and I am very aware how TMS can move through the body) but my back pain since the age of 16 when I was bed ridden was always, ALWAYS on my LEFT side. With that in mind, I didn’t immediately associate this new sensation as TMS, I more or less thought it was just sore or bruised. During this time in my life I was training in a lot in mixed martial arts, and weight lifting 5 times a week, also running almost every other day. So in my mind I thought perhaps my body was just overly sore and in need of a couple days to stretch and RR.
Well each couple of days the feeling would progress either in discomfort or lengthening in nerve pain position. It wasn’t until around week 3 where it was very difficult to sit or stand for more than 10 minutes without aching nerve pain that I had an epiphany that this must be TMS. I had just broke up with a GF of 4 years, started going back to school and was starting a more serious job that I realized it was subconscious stress, fear, sadness and rage projecting itself and manifesting pain within my body – TMS.
I had an overwhelming sense of relief knowing it was TMS and something I new exactly how to deal with. I wrote about my feelings and confessed a lot of deep seeded emotion onto paper. I started working out again, distancing the pain with the conclusion that it was only oxygen deprivation and that my subconscious was conditioned behaviorally to affect certain parts of my body at certain times, i.e sitting or bending at the waist.
Well the pain didn’t, and has not gone away. The sciatica has severely affected my entire right side from right lower back all the way to my heel and bottom foot. The pain (depending on how I am sitting, standing or walking) will either be deep aches, or electric fire shocks that make me question reality and almost forget where I am (laughing because that’s literally how much it sucks sometimes).
Like I said I am 4 months into this now. This reminds me of how I felt, except worse when I was 16. I feel helpless, depressed and dysfunctional. If it wasn’t for this pain I would be so content and happy with my life, everything else seems to be going well.
As of 3 days ago I have had to stop all activities (which is beyond devastating for me) and had to call into work (which is very physically active and enjoyable).
I had such horrible discomfort I ended up going to the ER to request an MRI – which was my bottom point because I never believed I would need to do that again always associating my previous TMS experience with the bulging disks I was diagnosed with at 16. I have even been taking Advil WHICH I NEVER DO just to take the edge off. My mind is all over the place… even in the darkest moments thinking about surgery (I know.. I know… ) but its that gratification of daydreaming of having the pain instantly fixed. I am not used to sciatica so it is an entirely new and severe pain.
I am not sure what to do here… I can’t sit longer than 10 minutes without having my sciatica act up and it distracting me from pretty much everything.
I feel very stuck and lost not sure where to go from here. Is there something I am missing???
Any and all comments would be helpful. I appreciate the time you took to read my post.
Thank you so much.
Kyle
