Feeling of not being good enough

[Elbe]

During my TMS recovery journey I noticed that I have a strong feeling of not being good enough. I can remember some instances from from my early childhood and youth which might have helped creating this feeling. The feeling of not being good enough was probably instrumental for creating my personality, which is thriving, perfectionist, compulsive, responsible and controlling. Always eager and willing to take on new responsibilities. A typical TMSer. This personality has served me very well in my engineering and project management professions. My personality though must have enraged my inner child, which probably wanted to be pampered, have fun, take it easy and play, really the opposite of my adult personality. My TMS started in full force after my retirement. Now that I am aware of this feeling and address it, my pain actually got worse. Could this be that my subconscious mind is resisting my action and still wants to distract me from it with the increased pain? I now try frequently to connect to it and tell myself that it is perfectly OK to have this feeling.
Is this enough to convince my subconscious mind?? Your comments will be most appreciated.

 

[dreissner]

I have had similar experiences. Especially when first becoming conscious of something that the subconscious considers "threatening", it can fight to maintain control. Now that you're onto it, it will fight even harder. Keep in mind though that this other part of you is merely trying to protect you. It has only the best intentions, but it is primitive, it is the child in you that could not have survived the truth when you were younger.

I would highly recommend the book "The Drama of the Gifted Child" by Alice Miller. It is very enlightening for people who have had childhoods like us, where we were only allowed to develop in one particular way that didn't serve us very well outside of the accomplishment sphere.

 

[Elbe]

I have had similar experiences. Especially when first becoming conscious of something that the subconscious considers "threatening", it can fight to maintain control. Now that you're onto it, it will fight even harder. Keep in mind though that this other part of you is merely trying to protect you. It has only the best intentions, but it is primitive, it is the child in you that could not have survived the truth when you were younger

Thank you for your reply. I think one just has to plough through this increased pain and force oneself to keep thinking psychological and connect to the suppressed feelings. The subconscious mind must eventually realize that the distraction is not effective anymore and give up on it. One has to keep fighting and not be concerned or intimidated by the pain.

 

[Gigalos]

I think the following affirmations would be of great benefit to you. Repeat them a couple of times a day, for 1 to 2 minutes:
- I appreciate myself, I accept myself, I love myself
- I am always easy on myself

Especially the first one can be very powerful when I use it.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Elbe, as Dr. Sarno says, the unconscious eventually gets the message that you know the pain
is from a TMS cause and stops hurting you. It happens sooner for some, later for others.
You may convince yourself but the unconscious needs a little more time to accept that.

Keep using those affirmations from Gigalos. I especially like the first one.
You are a much better person than you think you are. We all like you!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

and don't forget, God LOVES you!

 

[Elbe]

Thank you Gigalos and Walt for your inputs. Most appreciated. It gives me new ideas and strength on my healing journey.