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Day 1 Feeling hopeless

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Sean2424, Dec 5, 2021.

  1. Sean2424

    Sean2424 Newcomer

    TMS was something I first about 2 years ago now. At that time I been suffering from low back pain for 3 or 4 years and right wrist pain for about 2 years. I read the mind-body prescription and found it interesting, but did not find it helped my symptoms. I do meet all the personality traits though and have a long history of mysterious pains that come last for several years that come and go. These usually come up after some minor injury and persist way longer than they should.

    Right now I feel completely hopeless. I had a surgery on the right hand 2 years ago and have been seeing various physiotherapists and it is worse than ever. Last week out of the blue and old foot injury started hurting again, it started when I wore a pair of uncomfortable shoes for 20 minutes. On the bright side the back pain has gone away. I know none of these pains makes any sense but I do not know what to do about it. I also have pain in the bit of a deformity in my left thumb. Writing with either hand now is painful and I feel entirely hopeless. I have a 5-month-old baby girl and I'm currently in medical school and I have no idea how I am going to be able to get through the program or be the father I want to be with this worsening pain.

    About a month ago I decided to commit to the idea that was on the head and tried to take up tennis. 2 sessions left me with intense wrist pain that lasted for 2 weeks.

    My wife and baby are visiting her parents for a week and I have spent the last 2 days crying. I usually hold this in when they are here but with open here all of this hopelessness feels overwhelming. I used to be an avid weightlifter, mountain biker and enjoyed playing video games with friends. I cannot do any of these things anymore. I keep trying to find ways to work around injury and stay active but it seems like every time I do, something else starts hurting to prevent me from doing the modification. I feel like I am going insane, this has been going on for years. I am writing all this with dictation software as typing is painful.

    A life without TMS would be just getting my life back. I feel like I do not even know who I am anymore, most of my hobbies that used to bring me joy for now inaccessible to me. I feel so hopeless with my life. I feel like I could take better care of my daughter and be more present with my life. I feel if I might be able to start enjoy my life again.

    I tick essentially all the boxes for personality traits that are prone to TMS. I have had mysterious pains come and go throughout my whole life. It seems perfectly reasonable to me that is what I have. At the same time but I tried to accept this and play tennis my pain got incredibly worse. I do not know for was too much too soon, but it does create doubt in me.

    We will I guess that is it, this is my first time trying something like this and it feels good to get it out. If anyone got to the end of this thanks for listening.
  2. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi @Sean2424 ,

    So sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. It's clear this is TMS. Have you read Alan Gordon's "The Way Out" ? I think you will find it quite helpful! You are definitely in the right place and you will get better and get back to all the things you love to do.

    Cap'n Spanky likes this.
  3. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    THAT is what it's buried under....and the pain is there to make sure you don't dig too far. The Irony is that the pain is trying to help you by distracting you from the perceived pain/terror of looking hard at these topics.

    Your 'hopelessness' sounds very familiar to me, as I was once right where you are with a completely different/identical set of circumstances. If you go back to MindBody prescription and read the part at the end where Sarno gives concrete instructions on How to develop your recovery, you can.
    Cap'n Spanky likes this.
  4. Sean2424

    Sean2424 Newcomer

    I haven't read the Alan Gordon book. I had picked up the Howard Schubiner book, but found it challenging to get through on kindle. Is the Gordon book quite good? Thanks for the replies.
  5. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi @Sean2424 ,

    Alan's book covers a key piece of the recovery process which is changing thought habits and behaviors, mindset, and your response to triggers (PRT - pain reprocessing therapy). As @Baseball65 pointed out though, the emotional piece is equally as important, and based on your post, may play an even bigger role for you. I would recommend you read both books, as well as revisiting Dr. Sarno's " The Mind Body Prescription"/

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