Feeling feelings about the pain

Ok, I'll try to formulate as best as I can. TMS starts because we are suppressing our feelings. To stop it we need to feel our feelings. Two years of pain and other symptoms produce a lot of feelings. Should I feel these feelings? On one hand, no, should pay no mind to pain, not give in fear and despair about the symptoms so not to feed TMS, right? On the other hand - if I am ignoring the desperation and anger the symptoms have caused then I am actively suppressing feelings and that can cause TMS. I cant put this well, but I hope someone gets what I am saying. Ideas?

 

I get exactly what you are saying and it sounds like the type of question I would ask!

I think the desperation and anger and likely anxiety are the results of how you think about the pain. Paying attention to these emotions actually feed the pain because it draws your attention to it. Alan Gordon talks about this in his Recovery program.

Pain can be much worse as a result of how we think about it. I have found my mind spinning out of control out of despair of the pain. Last week I started feeling awful because my pain wasn't going away despite all the work I was doing on myself. My thoughts went from, I'm sick of all of this effort, it doesn't work, the pain is never going to go away etc. etc. etc. The thoughts kept spiraling until I imagined myself alone and in pain without even the strongest pain killers being able to help. Total despair.

Since I've been learning mindful meditation, I became aware of my thoughts and realized they are not fact but just thoughts in my head. My anxiety and pain then immensely improved.

 

Thank you for the answer! I've been trying exactly that, but the results are there but they are also so..well sporadic and uneven, that I got discouraged and thinking that I am not healing my TMS, just suppressing it because there is a part of me that I am suppressing, the part that is worried and angry at symptoms. Its messy, I cant find any TMS expert addressing it.

 

To stop it we need to feel our feelings

Nope. To stop it we have to acknowledge that this process goes on without out conscious permission or knowledge.... You don't lose your symptoms by 'feeling your feelings'... you acknowledge that there is stuff you will NEVER have access to because it is repressed. along the way you might have some insights that lead you to fell some feelings, but that is NOT necessary for the symptoms to leave.

 

Rather than edit that, I'll give you a real time example.

My father took his life. My mother left me with babysitters and took off. That's 45 years ago... it shouldn't be bugging me now, right? I am self sufficient, dependent on no one and a very happy-go-lucky type...seemingly,but

Any issues with abandonment in my life NOW are potential Triggers for a new episode.

My GF freaks out and throws stuff at me. I calmly tell her I am leaving...no emotional response. My ADULT, TRAINED, HIGHER MINDED self sees NO point in getting angry, or god forbid, even dignifying that outburst with retaliation.

My awareness is somewhere else...work,music ,responsibilities.

All of a sudden I get a pain in my hip.

"I am going to ignore that...it's probably TMS because of the stressful job I am on"

It gets worse

Now I take the time to list all of the stressors in my life. Oh yeah... mr. calm just left his GF.

The six year old who never expressed that rage and grief is still alive and well beneath my 'calm' exterior

I think...read....meditate. "Wow... I should be really pissed at My GF but I'm not?"

I focus on why I can't feel any feelings about her (survival mechanism)

the symptoms go away. I don't need to 'feel' it...just be aware that I should be and that the symptoms are distracting me from some fear of over-reacting, losing more, re-living that pain.

BTW...after thinking on it for awhile... I did get pissed...low grade, adult condescending pissed.

Our Ego is the biggest blocker to our healing. Playing adult.... we don't have to stop playing, just acknowledge we are.

 

@Baseball65 ball65 - great post. That live example really puts it all into perspective. Thanks for sharing!