Feeling Depressed

[Aurora]

I’ve been feeling depressed recently. I don’t normally deal with depression though I’m no stranger to it. I’ve been working on TMS the past two months and pain hasn’t been much of an issue with me lately. I wonder if this has to do anything with the symptom imperative. I used to be very driven and perfectionistic. I’ve given myself permission to be less driven and instead of feeling relieved I feel empty. Work isn’t as interesting as it once was which is surprising since just months ago I wanted more responsibility at work. Now I’m really doubting myself.

I’ve decided to see a therapist but I was wondering if anyone here had any thoughts or similar experiences.

 

[LindaRK]

Sounds like me - I'm on day 39 now. My pain has improved, it's moved around and at this very moment, quite minimal. What has really increased is my anxiety to the point where my days are focused on my breathing and it's driving me nuts. I'm seeing a psychotherapist - but it's the early stages. Like you, I gave myself permission to "cut back". As for as being less driven or perfectionistic - that's a tough one, as that's engrained in me. Hopefully, someone else on the forum will be able to help. Hang in there!

 

[yb44]

I can relate to most of what you say, Aurora, except I have been dealing with my own TMS issues for a lot longer. This isn't what is depressing me. I have come to realise that it does all come down to problems in my relationships, mainly with family members. I too feel that emptiness. In terms of work I changed jobs last year which has allowed me to have more free time to pursue other interests. I thought this would make a huge difference but it hasn't. Like you I am now doubting my abilities to do this job, doubting whether this is the right line of work for me at this time - or if it's ever been. Therapy has helped prevent me from falling off the edge but it is a long, slow process. My initial symptoms all involved physical pain. These symptoms are still there lurking in the background but depression and anxiety have taken their place at the front. I do see this very definitely as the symptom imperative, just another set of signals informing me that all is not right with my life. I can't even envision where I want to be in my relationships now but I think it may be a good area to focus on so I know what I am aiming for in the hopefully near future. Old habits die hard, as they say. Old thinking patterns die even harder.

 

[Stormshadow]

Aurora, I've also battled with severe depression and anxiety along with my TMS symptoms. My depression and anxiety existed way before my physical TMS symptoms and they got under control for several years and came back with all of the TMS physical symptoms due to fear and whatever. As I've been doing TMS treatment, I've also seen some spikes in pain and in my anxiety and depression. My therapist has told me that this is normal. Alot of what you are describing is probably the TMS looking for other ways to distract you, but also could be that you are now being forced to deal with whatever underlying issues might be below the surface. Without the pain, the emotions are becoming closer to surfacing which can be depressing. Another possibility (and I've noticed this with myself), is that without the TMS we may start to realize we are a bit empty on the inside. Even before TMS I've used other things whether they be addictions or relationships to occupy my mind and fill me up inside. Without things in our life to keep us busy, we may be coming face to face with that hole inside of us. I think this is a good thing in a way. But you should definitely monitor it and work with a therapist so that it doesn't spiral out of control.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I think when we are used to doing a lot, being a busy person and performing a lot in our work,
and then we pull back on being so work-oriented, we need to fill that time void with other things
to keep our minds and maybe even our hands, busy. Aurora, have you found other ways of keeping busy
that you enjoy and do not make you depressed?

One Thanksgiving when I was not invited out or had anyone to invite over, I
was depressed so I went into my basement and painted all the overhead pipes orange.
While painting for a couple of hours, I listened to some music and drank a few cans of beer.
The painting kept me busy and also the results were great... I no longer hit my head on them.

 

[Ellen]

Hi Aurora,

Yes, depression and anxiety have been present in my TMS along with fibromyalgia, migraine, and insomnia. Dr. Sarno discusses that he feels they are TMS equivalents, and serve the same purpose as pain--to distract us from our repressed emotions. I've seen several people on the Forum post that depression and anxiety seem to arise when the pain or other physical symptoms subside, and therefore, follow the principle of the symptom imperative. Also, I think that embracing the concept of TMS requires a major shift in our thinking, our sense of who we are, and our world view, which can also trigger anxiety and depression. This is a big change and big changes can feel scary. It is important to be kind to ourselves as we go through all these changes. It is hard work, but it is the path to true healing.

Best wishes...

 

[Aurora]

Thank you all for your responses. It seems like what I'm dealing with now is a combination of anxiety and depression. I think that I'm overwhelmed and I have a lot of negative thoughts that are flooding my thinking. I think that it is the TMS acting up. I notice that my stomach is acting up too. Normally I would think that it's because of soemthing that I'm eating and I would obsess trying to find it. Now I know it's originating from something in my head and I'm at a loss as to what to do. That's why I think I really need to see the therapist.

It just seems like such a daunting task to change your thinking. It seems like you'd also have to change your personality but Dr. Sarno says you don't. The two seems to be the same to me though.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

It's strange, but depression and anxiety do seem to go hand in glove,
and the weird thing can be that even after a long and hard winter like many have had this year,
and signs of spring are showing up, we can feel depressed and anxious. Maybe it's because like in
the old song I love sung by Ella Fitzgerald, "Spring will be a little late this year." It goes on with,
"Why doesn't my heart feel like dancing?"

When I get depressed and anxious, I accept that it is just more TMS, as Dr. Sarno says,
and laugh it off. It only takes a few seconds of laughing and the bad feelings go away.

Then I do deep breathing and put my mind on relaxing and happy thoughts.