Feeling defeated

she333

she333

Peer Supporter
I hate posting something negative or non supportive. But to be honest some days I just feel like I should accept my symptoms as they are and the fact that maybe they'll just always be with me. Mine all started right after a miscarriage and I know there were a lot of emotions surrounding that. I'm aware that I have a lot of anger and sadness over a lot of pregnancy losses and I felt that connection right away. I used to have a lot of pelvic pain, and I am grateful that I have so much less. At one point I was nearly debilitated. I do still have some muscle issues in that area and sometimes they come and go. I guess what drives me the most crazy though is feeling like I have to go to the bathroom all the time or feeling like I have a UTI when I don't. I suppose, like pain, feeling like you got to pee all the time is very distracting. I guess I just wanted to vent about feeling stuck in this ugly dark place. Physically, outside of the pelvic issues, I'm really lucky that I just feel awesome. I have lots of energy and I have a really good joints. And after reading many posts on here I know what a blessing that can be.

I'd like to change jobs I'd like to look into other options for maybe adding to my family one day. But I'm scared to do those things now. And I also give myself a lot of negative self-talk because I feel like I shouldn't do those things unless I'm in a much much better condition. Well, thanks for " listening" quote.
 
Hi, She. You are under a lot of stress from the miscarriages and not liking your job. But other than the pelvic pain you say you feel awesome. Keep feeling that and make it override the pelvic pain. As for having children, friends were not able to conceive until they adopted a little girl. Then the wife gave birth to twins! Maybe start looking into adopting. Lots of children need new homes. You could also start the Structured Educational Program to discover any repressed emotions that are causing the pelvic pain.

And read the success stories from TMSers in that subforum. It could give you a lot of encouragement.
 
Hi she333,

I am sorry about the nagging symptoms. One practice, which is a deep refinement of this
she333 said:
I should accept my symptoms as they are and the fact that maybe they'll just always be with me.
Click to expand...

is to radically accept the symptoms so that you are not running from them. It is their irritation and fear about them that keeps them activated. It is your reaction to them that can be refined. This program explores this, among other things.

http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program

The work by Dr. Sarno is revolutionary, and I hope you engage it over time and with help if needed. I was scheduled for nerve surgery and now I have no problems. Sometimes I have a little pain, and I say "so what." Then I can move my attention to something else, and the pain is gone. I wish you the greatest success in deepening your work, and finding a better result to your symptoms.

Andy B
 
Thanks Walt. I have been reading stories, watching videos, and finally started the SEP. I have been reading posts and recall you because 1) you have many helpful things to say to everybody. 2) I live on the north side of Chicago and went to high school in Northfield. 3) I believe I read in a post that you're a surgeon. That's so impressive and I know it takes a lot of dedication and attention to detail. I'm an NP and while I do love my career, I am lukewarm on the type of office I'm in. I was an ER nurse before and liked that more. I won't be going back to that. I'd like to seek out a different type of office or maybe hospital position. But there are some good things about my current location, I just miss certain elements. And sometimes worry about symptoms interfering with a new job, which would not be good.

That's awesome about your friend. My husband is willing to do foster parenting with me. We'll see. I just feel I should be in a better place physically and mentally before taking on the responsibility of someone else's child. I still go up and down with my attitude about my TMS.
 
Thanks Andy. Yes, I can see how fear causes anxiety and that causes symptoms to perk up a bit. So I'm trying to work on chilling out just being in the moment wherever I am. And not checking in with myself so often. That is wonderful you improved to the point of avoiding surgery.
 
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