Day 30 feeling a bit stuck

I am trying to figure out what to do to get rid of the last remnants of my back pain. The positives
I can walk miles with only minimal discomfort. I am sleeping beautifully. The anxiety attacks have left. The pain level is way down. My stamina is back. I got myself off of all medication, even ibuprofen. I am even trying (though not successfully sometimes) from not even allowing myself any pain cream, just going bare and bulling it out. I am grateful for these things, enormously grateful.

The negatives
Though I can sit down again, and intermittently sit sans pain in the morning, the pain does come back, and it makes it difficult to do things I love, like play the piano, write my books, draw, do some aspects of my job. I do these things anyhow, but oh I so much would like to do these things in comfort and peace. I hate having to go lie down every few hours to "rest up" so I can have another bash at things...I should not have to rest my back from sitting down...this is absurd!

I feel stuck, and I am getting very resentful and angry having simple things like sharing a bottle of wine with my husband interrupted with back pain. I want to sit up and see the view, not have to go lie down and stare at a wall. This whole thing seems like a bunch of (insert profanity here).

I am keeping on journaling, reading Sarno, doing what I am supposed to, but sometimes I don't feel it is helpful, and I'm just going through motions. Is the secret just saying, I don't give a damn anymore about this back stuff, and just winking at it, and saying, you are going away very soon, and just letting the last stages of healing happen?

Any thoughts?

 

Hi, abuglet. It looks like you have made wonderful progress, so try to think about that and not that you want no pain at all when you sit.
The sitting pain, I think, is just more TMS. Have you exhausted the emotional possibilities of your pain? When sitting you are doing things you love to do,
write and play the piano, etc. You may have answered your question yourself. Ignore the remaining pain. Write and play the piano to distract the pain.

Life itself can sometimes feel like it is (insert profanity here). We just have to look on the positive side. You are a lot better off than you were before you learned about TMS and the SEP program. Keep believing in TMS and working the SEP and it will keep making you feel better. I wish I was there to share the bottle of wine with you and your husband.

 

Abuglet, congratulations on the success you have obviously achieved! Walt's advice is good.

You might also find it helpful to read this post by Alan Gordon, from three years ago:
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/a-word-about-outcome-independence.562/#post-6366

and I'm wondering if a dose of self-acceptance is called for at this point in your recovery. I think that the Self-Acceptance Project is still available at SoundsTrue.org. I loved it and downloaded the entire series:
http://live.soundstrue.com/selfacceptance/

Another proponent of self-love is the ever-popular Louise Hay. Her video You Can Heal Your Life has helped many people with the problem of not loving ourselves enough to truly heal.

Don't give up, but maybe you can give yourself permission to relax a bit and accept kudos for what you've already accomplished

 

I want to thank you both from the bottom of my heart. You led me to the right place at the right time...i have been asking the universe for help, and it arrived. This has been all about self love and forgiveness all along.