Day 11 'FEAR' + 'Awareness by Anthony De Mello' - only loosely following prompts

I think im into day 11 of the program -- trying to turn down, or rather 'release' my perfectionism by following the structured program completely by the book.

But i feel so wonderful. even went for a run the other day! I have a picture of the daily reminders as my phone lock screen, and try to type or read them aloud at least once a day. when i do, i literally feel blood rushing back to certain body parts. it's borderline magical!

whats also interesting to me is how powerful (albeit challenging) 'unlearning' all the structural diagnosis is. when i consciously note any physical action of mine that was previously governed by a 'structural' diagnosis, i feel blood rush back as well!

i'm also realizing just HOW MUCH FEAR i was repressing. i thought i was dealing with it by ignoring it and pushing past it. but i now find myself embracing fearful thoughts walking down the street. blood will rush back to the tendons in my neck. as im TYPING THIS i feel blood rush through the base of my neck where there was previously pain. im flabbergasted.

I also felt blood rush back whilst reading one of my favorite spiritual books "Awareness - Anthony de Mello" -- specifically session #6 was really helpful yesterday -- it's about waking up to demons and seeing through, rather than renouncing.


This book has come in handy throughout so many periods in my life -- the best about unlearning I have brought across my 'awareness'.