I recently learned some of the details relating to my dad's divorce from his first wife. The divorce occurred in the late 1940s. The basis for the divorce was "cruel and inhuman behavior". He was frequently intoxicated and he was physically abusive. He also destroyed property (furniture and his wife's clothes). My dad never disclosed to me (or my siblings) that he had been married to anyone other than my mom. We learned about this from other relatives. We knew, though, that he was an alcoholic because many of his drinking habits and personality characteristics persisted throughout his life. Me and my brother and sister suffered substantially from the fear created by my dad's behaviors. My dad died in 2007. I've been thinking about my dad's influence on my own emotions, both reactive (as a response to the way he was) and sort of inherent (genetically and historically shaped by who he was--I wonder what emotions he was struggling with throughout his life). This is feeling pretty heavy and sad. It prompts me to wonder about the impact of family history, even portions of history that we may not be fully aware of. My parents certainly bring up a variety of mixed emotions for me, as I'm sure many people experience in regard to their parents. It makes sense to me that TMS symptoms would be associated with deeply rooted fears and other emotions, stemming from family history. For me, I seem to have a heightened anxiety associated with emotional safety (which is compounded in part by the fact that I am gay). I think this is one of the reasons I'm drawn to meditation and mindfulness practices that assert an experience of safety and protection.