Extreme TMS and midlife crisis

Hey y'all. I've been through much, but this time the TMS is so severe it's crazy.

For the last 7 years, I've been holding on to a job I don't really enjoy and that I feel is frustrating. Yeah, bad idea.

I've had lots of symptoms during these years (I'll post a list sometime - it's LONG) but I've persevered.

So, I'm going through the midlife crisis now without doubt. No kids and GF, spent most of my 30s playing video games and having an ufulfilled job and life in general. Suddenly I realize WTF am I doing with my life.

I develop "skipped heartbeats" during this period. Get checked out several times by cardiologists and doctors, the heart is delared in perfect condition, and the diagnosis is "stress".. But the skipped beats just keeps increasing in numbers. This becomes my obsession almost 24/7 and scares the s..t out of me and takes me into a depression.

The current chain of symptoms started January 2019, I get these painful random brain zaps in the left side of my head during the night (right when the xmas holidays are over), and it continues during most of the day. Painkillers does not help. Scary as hell. Doctors don't know what it is. So I schedule a MRI and it comes back normal. I find a small lump where the pain originates from, and it scares the hell out of me even more. Had several doctors examine it and they say it's nothing to worry about, it's just some fat tissue etc. My mind is out of control and I obsess so much over this, even though the MRI was clean and the doctors gave me a "clear". The pain from the lump increases in intensity over time. Dr. Sarno writes that the brain sometimes uses sites with structural abnormalities for this reason, but I had problems believing it fully because he usually refer to back pain - and back pain have never bothered me.

I get on sick leave because I cannot work 100% anymore so I reduce it to 50%. August comes I suddenly lose all my strength in the legs and get exhausted almost unable to walk. Legs hurt constantly, muscle spasms and all that. I get scared as hell again, but realize I have to treat it as TMS. For almost two months I push myself until finally the strength returns, thanks to reading several TMS success stories.

Several months passes, i keep obsessing over the skipped heartbeats, then there is a build up of pressure in the left side of my head (by the lump) by March, around the time of COVID-19. Progressivly getting worse over many weeks. Horrible nerve pain in my skull, radiating down to my teeth and cheeks. This scares the hell out of me again. I can't even sleep on my pillow because it triggers nerve pain. After a few weeks the same nerve pain spreads to the right side of my head too, and it's just so painful. My days are just so much pain.

At this point I'm sure I've got a tumor or something awful since I can feel the pain spread through my head from day to day, affecting more and more of my face and bones. At this point I am unable to function at all, and fasciculations starts spreading through my body, keeping me unable to sleep, paralyzed with fear and pain and spasms. My life is in ruin. I still manage go out for long walks because sitting at home is depressing enough. The only thing keeping me somewhat sane.

I take blood tests, which come back perfectly fine, doctor rules out cancer, and I take another MRI of my head which also come back perfectly normal. This is motivating, and I feel that I can now focus 100% on the TMS process again. But the fear has crippled me for weeks and weeks. What happens next is that my strength depletes again. My legs are so exhausted I can barely walk. My heart has constant "skipped beats" (which I've suffered for several years 24/7), my head pain is almost unbearable, on both sides.

I know there's a lot of stuff I have to fix in my life, and I've felt stuck in freeze for the last 10 years. I am just so desperate to function again and am placing extremely much pressure on myself to change my life now, but I am unable to do so when I can barely function. Like getting a new job, moving to a new appartment, perhaps even getting a new education.. I realize that I have to change a lot of stuff if I want to get better, but I am a total mess and in constant pain, and don't know how much more I can take this. I have no other options than to treat this as TMS but it's so hard.

If anyone have some insights to what I should do, please do share.. Would it be beneficial to talk to a TMS Therapist? I've read Sarno's books and Steve Ozanich's book several times. I check all the boxes for the "type t" personality. I've fought off several TMS symptoms before, but now it's overwhelming.

 

My Mom had that skipped heart beat. Her whole life...diagnosed in her teens. Just passed away at 88 from intestinal stuff.

I have a big old tumor sitting right on my Boiler beneath the sternum... it coincidentally is one of my TMS spots (I got pain right there and cramps). They told me it was my gall bladder and wanted 10k to remove it. I treated it like TMS and it's gone.Tumor is just 'there' and ugly but not doing anything. Sarno said TMS tends to look for 'anomalies' so You'll believe it. Makes it scarier and more effective.

If you wanna change your life to change your life, that's fine, BUT if you wanna do that to beat TMS you might be barking up the wrong tree... TMS and the conflicts that cause it definitely arise out of our life situations BUT they arise because of our individual demeanor, NOT the external circumstances.

I don't necessarily have to start or stop doing anything BUT I do need to look at the whole process and realize the entirety of " BB65's Collective Cognitive Dissonance" is what necessitated the attack.

Trigeminal nerve....and a newer TMS bugaboo. I got it last year when My Mom died, I had to move 3 households ALONE and my GF had a nervous breakdown... all at the same time. Jaw, TMJ, Molars, lotta headaches and face hurt. It sucked. It went away too with the same introspection. You think you need a GF to get rid of TMS? I thought I needed to GET RID of my GF to beat TMS.... get the irony? Wanna Trade lives? Oh shit! What if we still have TMS?

Me too. But for now I can only deal with what is in the room, what I have access to today, right here. As soon as I turn and start moving I usually get respite in a day or so... it sound like you have beat this before and your just in a helluva shitty minefield of pain. I know that sucks, but Sarno said "Don't expect it to last long, keep checking your ability to move, maybe take a strong painkiller"

careful with that painkillers... I am an ex-junky and it can get weird fast, BUT I think this post of yours is actually the beginning of you getting rid of the symptoms. It's Honest and to the point. Keep staying THERE and you'll be on the high road to getting better.

If you just want to vent to someone, give me a PM. I have time for any fellow sufferer.

hang in there